Desultory Dereliction  

whineyblonde0r 53F
287 posts
6/1/2006 5:09 am
Desultory Dereliction


Deciding each time I engage in a new relationship that I will keep an open mind on where it might head down the road, I have started to wonder if men even think of such things.I assume ultimately most men get tired of the chase, sleeping alone and crave intimacy full time in their lives too. If not "full time" at least readily emotionally available. There are different sorts of men, but underlying base instinct is to have a partner who only wants you, but everyone else would want them too? You have her though and that is the draw? Or is it as simple in a mans head that she makes him laugh, he loves her freckles, craves the tastes of her body and your mind is drawn to her thoughts? Do men love differently than women or is it a universal feeling. I haven't been in "love" for quite some time now and am beginning to wonder if that is by choice or protection. I do remember the initial stages of falling in love with someone. The giddiness, fascination at finding out everything about the person and yesss the passionate sex that only seems to come from engaging in an intimate relationship with a man my head has told me...I could "fall" for this guy. My mind tells me I could fall in LUST with this person at times,but nothing else. That has been ok on certain levels but not for long term nor consistent fulfillment.The combinations of falling in lust/love..damn... Do men quickly gage in their heads, she is ok for fucking, but nothing more? Or is that just a how it plays out? Ive been hearing from some male friends that women string guys along all the time, picking and choosing the most available attentive one and discarding the others one by one. Is that a problem? Isn't that what one does? Attraction to an attentive engaging male is the draw, and not having to pursue him but having equal pursuit in one another? Consistent honest attention to your partner keeps them coming back for more and not keeping backups available? It does work both ways.

rm_youbetcha74 44M

6/1/2006 6:04 am

Having been through a bad marriage, I can say I start getting nervous and begin distancing myself when things get too close for comfort. However it takes time to get me to that point. Generally after the newness has warn off the relationship. I figure, the right woman for me, will not make (or push) me that way. I keep thinking the right woman will steal my heart and allow my to give up the chase. Excellent topic!


whineyblonde0r 53F
140 posts
6/1/2006 3:14 pm

Your OHH so right in your way of thinking. To find that person who will make you forget the past...or at least understand it enough to not push the buttons nor limit the degree in which she opens herself to you because of her past. It's all in feeling safe..to expose the vulnerable parts and do it with a grin on your face.


rm_funinic 48M
823 posts
6/1/2006 3:50 pm

So many questions, need to think about them..


whineyblonde0r 53F
140 posts
6/1/2006 4:21 pm

Take your time, Im going to be around. I just enrolled in an online course to become a doctor..


rm_funinic 48M
823 posts
6/1/2006 8:50 pm

Short version:

Sex is not intimacy. Men, like women, need both. Intimacy might be desired from/for only one person. Sex is by definition not about the other person's mind or soul, it's about giving and receiving carnal pleasure.

Both forms of relationships may have multiple partners, or only one.

Forcing one person to be both, when one of the two types of relationships is not present, or not completely satisfying, will result in the ultimate failure of both parts of the relationship.

Hey, you asked...


whineyblonde0r 53F
140 posts
6/2/2006 5:08 am

Laughing, ahh...there are tons of..I wanna get laid moments in life and sometimes alot more of I want to wake up to him bringing me coffee in bed, and he will keep my hazelnut creamer in his fridge cause he knows Ill be back moments.Point taken, but I know the difference in lust and intimacy. I have experienced both, sometimes within the same relationship. I do also know clearly in my head that force should not be used in any type of relationship, making someone fit into the puzzles hole never works. Ive drug my head thru that before and didnt care for the effect it had on the part of the relationship(sex) that was awesome. Can someone mistake a fondness for sex as a fondness for the entire package, and when does that constitute a free escort service? On both parts?


GuyWhoListens2u 56M
325 posts
6/2/2006 8:26 am

WhineyBlonde,

If you can find two people that can fight the urge to yield to selfishness and pursue the other person's heart continually, that is when it works.

The only problem with this scenario is that those kind of people are rare.


whineyblonde0r 53F
140 posts
6/2/2006 2:53 pm

Guy..rare indeed, but not unheard of. Finding that needle in the haystack has led to alot of pricks in my life tho......DOC, we need a bandage, STAT!


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