Help me Figure This out people. Open-minded men only please!  

wetnwildaquarius 43F
574 posts
7/4/2005 5:23 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Help me Figure This out people. Open-minded men only please!

Check this out. Men if you meet a woman and started a partnership with her. Then as you go along you start learning personal things about her that were very personal and hard for her. Would you treat her differently than you would when you first met her or would you still treat her the same as you did when you met. Now here's the plot: Gentlemen meets girl. Gentleman gets the girl. gentleman spends a great deal of time communicating with girl. Gentleman notice how girl reacts to certain things and gets concerned, Girl like fool opens up and explains her actions and the misfortunes in her life for him to understand her better.
Gentleman starts to back away and starts saying he needs to move alot slower now. Girl is now upset because gentleman has started to do things differently. Gentleman begins to spend less and less time conversing with girl and sees her less now. Girl knows why. Girl is now like she will not ever trust telling him anything especially after seein his first reaction to this. Girl now has let gentleman go because she realize he does not want her anymore nor does he find attractive anymore. Girl will not try this trust and open up thing ever again because people will always treat you different once they discover something about you.
Never open yourself to anyone on here because they play like they understand when they don't. They are just going to judge you and walk away from you like you are nothing. So now when someone ask me why I don't believe in anything; It's because of people like this in the world that exsist who are just plain cruel. Then they wonder why some women just become lesbians. For some I understand because it's getting to the point where I no longer trust anyman, anymore, of any race. Men can you blame us. We do our best to please with all that we know and have. Why are some of you so difficult to please and why do some of you treat a woman different just because you learn something about her that was not so good. Don't you think it was hard enough for her to tell reveal that part of her life.Honestly speaking; some of you men do lack compassion and you need to search within yourself. If a woman opens up; don't shut her out and treat her like a stranger in return. If you do that she will then go back into her shell well she felt protected in the first place; where no one could even get close to her. It's all sounds strange, but look at the deeper picture here men. If there has been some emotional trauma present: then why add to it by your reactions? What do you think? Some women feel the need to cheat or men. Let's go there this time. Bring it on.

sprfrg_2005 48M
2 posts
7/4/2005 5:55 pm

If someone treats you poorly or differently, be they male or female, after you have "opened" up to them then you have learned something very important about them, and leave without looking back.

Bottom line, out of any 20 people you meet, maybe 1 or 2 will have character, compassion or integrity in even modest amounts. The rest can be very self-obsessed, thoughtless and not worthy of the gift of me or my time.

rm_major259 50M
101 posts
7/4/2005 6:12 pm

You were unlucky. You found a man that had no character. And, he duped you. He wasn't a gentleman. As so often is the case, people present themselves in dating and courtship as something other than what they really are, probably due to a lack of confidence in themselves. You opened up too early to this chap and he apparently didn't communicate his over all intentions and goals.

When you meet the right man and finally find a way to tell him of your misfortunes, he won't run away. Instinctively, he will want to protect from further harm, because he cares about you. He would probably change the way he acted around you still, take it slower, but not because he wanted to get away but because he wishes to dissolve any illusions you have about him hurting you any further.

Try not to judge everyone by a few bad eggs, or many bad eggs, (they do seem to get around). And don't think for a second that women aren't out there running over men the same way. There are a lot of gay men now too, and since they are typically more sensitive types, opted out of the whole scenario rather than get trucked over again.

All I can say is take the time to heal from this hurt and try again. The pool from which you wish to hook a fish is increasingly smaller. But, if true romantics like yourself quit trying, then we lose those that set the standard by which all other relationships are just spinoffs and shadows.

(Juan S)
2642 posts
7/4/2005 6:23 pm

It is not a problem with you, it is a problem with the guy being insensitive.
Unless you said you used to be a man and you didn't tell him first. LOL (OK, I'm kidding)
Anyway, everyone does not have compassion, but by shutting everyone out you complete the circle and keep it going around for the ones that do have understanding and compassion. I always say communication is the key. Maybe asking if this has made him feel differently about you and why? I sense its too late for that, though. I can only think of a couple of things,off hand that would change my reactions to a person and those things have something to do with my personal safety or the well being of my children or my career/property. Past that I could be understanding of anything.

rm_ready4294 58M

7/4/2005 6:23 pm

Don't change your ways of opening up to anyone your interested in. Most decent men will view your opening up as an indication of your trust in them, and they will admire you for that as well as reassuring you of their support. I promise you, this last person was not interested in you from the beginning. Just another phoney who lives their life by the slogan "Never Let Them Know What Your Thinking." These kinds of people are low life losers and always will be.

rm_venture12002 62M
67 posts
7/4/2005 6:30 pm

First it goes for both sexes.Most importantly though (I think) would you ever want a lasting relationship where you could not be yourself?What would be the joy in that.I do understand and I'll tell you why.For some reason I don't know woman who have severe abuse in their past are the ones who will always ask me out first.I understand it and what it does to them.I've learned in my life that alot of guys who seem very confident are scared off by the smallest things.I'll tell you something on here I've never said before.I would give anything to meet that woman that could make me trust every word she said was true.My standards have gone down more and more every year.All I want is to be able to completely trust someone and know we're together no matter what life brings us.However like you I think that's the hardest thing of all to find.I'm not giving up though sugar and don't you either.

wetnwildaquarius 43F

7/4/2005 6:37 pm

Thank you for that. I was kind of thinking on those lines. I mean I am not a perfect person, but I try to do my very best. No I am not a quitter, but on certain things I have lost my faith. All it took was for me to meet these snakes who are serve-serving and now I am even more cautious. So blame those fucked up men in the world who destroy good women like me who work very hard at everything I do though it may not be enough for the snobbs of the world. I guess they forgot the rule of be careful who you knock down while going up because you just might meet those same people going down. These ice pump blood people have fucked up our ability to be able to know when someone is sincere. These people need to be on an Island for people like themselves so they can live happily ever after miserable. They never know what they want anyway.

wetnwildaquarius 43F

7/4/2005 6:54 pm

You just don't know how much I appreciate your valued opinions. I have been going through hell especially since I've had to call off my wedding and now this shit. I don't know much about men, but I see they are having a good time at me expense. But I do know that every Dog will have Their Day Soon. And all that have played me; it will come back to bite them. Because I would never hurt a fly. I just have had a rough life and now standing on top. But guys; I don't ever see myself opening up like that again. I am not a dishonest person, but why keep scaring people. It's not enough that I suffered already, but they add right on to it. Yeah! Good men left huh! Yeah ok!. I can't speak for the majority, but I will say that I have had enough. I can't take anymore judgement against me. I never asked for the things to happen to me, but they did.

Masseur_0 41M

7/4/2005 7:46 pm

Ouch...your post hit a nerve in me but on the other end. I am one of those asshole men who backed down when the lady opened up. When I met my, now seperated, wife after we were talkinf for about a month she told me that she had been molested from afe 4 to 14 and was not the intimate type becasue of it. She would sleep curled up against the wall at night and my cuddling would set her off. I'm a real cuddly affec tionatae person and can't stand that I can't do this with her. Will I ever understand what she went through? No. I've tried to sympathize and give her space but at the same time I'm being pushed out and away and the intimacy is gone. So I said we need to seperate. Now I'm on my own wondering if I did the right thing. She's a great person, works really hard and, like you, wouldn't hurt a fly. But she needs someone who will better understand her, that may not be me. I've tried to be that person but usually end up messisng things up. So we went on our seperate ways. Now we're both lonely and wondering what is in store for us next. I feel like a bum for leaving but also know that I have to live my life too...Life is compllicated.
This probably doesn't help you much, sorry for that. THey say that our perfect person is out there. Well, I hope we find ours...Good luck to ya mam...

(Juan S)
2642 posts
7/4/2005 8:11 pm

masseur, don't beat yourself up too bad, because it wasn't her opening up to you that did it, it was the lack of something you needed, starting a downward spiral. GO BACK. If you love her, RUN BACK and then get some counseling for the problem. Communication, understanding and acceptance is key.

wetnwildaquarius 43F

7/4/2005 9:32 pm

I can explain to you why she did that: for one once a woman has suffered that kind of abuse she will view men differently and it takes a very very special, unselfish, kind-hearted and patient man all around to deal with such a sensitive matter. I have met only cowards who run because they don't understand why we see things the way we do. We only wanted for someone to understand if we get a little jumpy please don't hold it against us because a sick bastered put it there. Please don't mad at her. I feel her pain and suffering right now. I know what it's like for people to just walk all over you and then treat you like you don't stand a chance at real happiness. Why do women who have suffered pay the price for another asshole who took advantage. I met somone who one minute enjoyed being around me; then in an instant once they learned what was contributing to my emotional stress then they went ghost on me. I kind of started to hate this person for that because they made me feel like dirt and cheap shit. But then I realize that this person obviously does not care about no one, but himself only. Because if he was human; like someone else said he would have handled it like a real man should have and not back off like she's some kind of freak!. We did not ask for this, but now we have to live with it for the rest of our lives. And to meet insensitive people; well that's just adds to the insecurities we already feel on the inside. Meaning:
the fear of no one accepting us all because of an asshole or holes that either sexually or physically abuse us. Why are we paying the price? You need to help her all that you can. At least you are a descent man and can admit to being an asshole, but that's only because you don't understand what she is going throught. No man could ever know the mental pain we women go throught in our minds and hate being alone when it happens. We just wanted someone to really care for a change and not look at us funny. I hope this helps and find her. Understand what has happen to her mentally and physically because she is hurting like hell. I know it so well because I am a survivor of it all.

rm_affbreak 46M
287 posts
7/5/2005 4:04 am

> I can't take anymore judgement against me.

You have to face that anywhere you are. And learn to live with it. There's nothing wrong with being judged, it's every persons right to make his mind about a person.

But what is wrong though is to make a mind without knowing the whole facts or not being man enough to tell you what you dislike after getting told some 'secret'.

When it comes to telling secrets tehre are different ways, too... you can shove the whole truth into someones face in 5 minutes ... and you can tell him small puzzle parts one after another to let his mind accomodate. If you tell a man looking for a virgin you are no virgin on the beginning on the first date, chances are he will leave you. If you make it thru the first date without telling the whole truth he maybe will start to love you 'for life' and enjoy your experience.
Timing is therefore of importance, too.

And last but not least: Ask yourself what you did expect from the person by telling him your secrets.Or even better: Face reality. Open a fake account in here and post your personal story, asking people what they do think about it if you're interested in their opinion.

Notrouble67 49M

7/5/2005 7:04 am

Sorry for being a late comer. I took the time to read the largely posted scenario and thought I would give my spend to it. I did not read what the other men worte, so if I sound like every other man, does that make me normal?? Anyway, When a gentleman meets a lady, whether its on the net, bar, grocery store, or kickball game its all the same. We never let our hair down until we feel safe. Some of the events in our past are what made us who we are today. But people have set standards, things they want in their life and don't want in their life, pertaining to what a potenial mate might have in their closet. I read your page and you said felons are not wanted, that was clear. You did what most don't do, you place a standard out there for all to see. Understanding that we have a right to privacy, but yet and still if one wants to be on the market for a relationship of any type you have to share certain things about themselves. Will it take you out of the running with some? Sure it will but what this does is save your time and effort spent on someone who might reject you later. Also know this, not everyone you meet is worthy to know certain things about you. The numbers are few who we can flirt with, fuck with, love with, and even handshake. I'm not upset if someone does want me, after I share some information about me. It saves me time to deal with the person I should be dealing. I know no one can judge another, but once you have a standard stick to it. One of my standards is I don't date women who eat boogers, and like to pissed on. That standard will never

Masseur_0 41M

7/5/2005 5:15 pm

Hey thanks for the chat Aquarius, and others. I'm sorry about your pain. I'm trying to deal with mine and my newfound lonliness without her. We are all seeing indiviudal counseling but still don't know what the future holds...But enough about me, this is your turf. Well, just know that there are folks out there that empathize (as much as we can w/o ever being in the shoes). Good luck mam...Oh, and I don;t mind a woman who eats boogers (to respond to Notrouble), but damn if that's not the funniest standard...take care all...

SparsBixinDrawn 59M
16 posts
7/6/2005 2:33 am

Hey Baby,let the Blade Man give you the hard cold facts.Some men cannot handle women's problems because they view them from the viewpoint of a man.Sometimes it is forgotten that women have feelings and they need to talk and tell things without being judged or looked upon as something is wrong with them.When we as men learn that your shoulders were not only meant to be leaned on,but cryed on as well,then and only then will we realize that the time will come when you as a man will need someone to listen to your fears,and whatever other baggage that you have.We all have baggage,we just need to learn to sometimes leave it at the airport of life,travel light,travel light,I'M OUT!!! KEEP YOUR HEAD UP BABY!!YOU GON BE ALRIGHT!!

wetnwildaquarius 43F

7/23/2005 10:42 am

I get where you are coming from bladebl and I appreciate your words of wisdom. People like you make the world go round alot smoother. Thank you for that baby!

wetnwildaquarius 43F

7/23/2005 10:46 am

Masseur 0 you are welcome, but do not give up on her. The reason why I say so is because the moment she begins to come out of this; you want to be the man around for the benefits of her surviving it all. Having you there by her side is going to make all the difference in the world as her views become clearer. She will love you even more for being patient during this time of her recovery. You will be her hero and knight in shining armor. Keep the faith hun!

Big_Bear_Hug 38M
3 posts
7/26/2005 10:03 am


wetnwildaquarius 43F

7/29/2005 8:06 pm

Thank you big bear hug and ike401 for your comments. They are appreciated more than you know. Cum again because I may have something else that I might need your input on. Cool! See you babies.

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