time to die  

way2big2000 38M
18 posts
11/2/2005 1:12 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

time to die

ready to die now, dont want to go on. dont want to find someone to take HER place. just still want her. o.k. it's been 30 day's now why am i still crying like a bitch? can this realy be me? am i the one left here alone? i still want to die but i cant right now other thing's stop me. soon i think. but for the now i just hate and feel all this pain. all the hurt in me is ready to come out and what happens then? i cant let it out if they can see it. i need to hid this but i can't anymore it's to much for me. what do i do to forget about her? i can't i don't want to. at 1'st i that i could feel the hole in me with something, anything but i cant it always bottoms out. a empty hole i cant cover. is this what i deserve? is it cause of what i did to get this? if so i'm fine with that what i'v done i'v done i cant take it back. i know i should not have ever loved her but i did i still do. is this my fate? do i just die ever day? is this all i have now? the pain the hurt the rage the tourment? am i already drunk? do i feed the hate the pain is that what i need? my dreams are filled with her i think about her all day every day. i need to go on. i know this but i dont want to i cant go on. i dont want to live here with out her. nothing is left now no more to cling on to she will never come back to me i know this but with out her i'm already dead.

rm_Honeyluce 45F
15 posts
11/2/2005 8:12 pm

You dont sound ready to die..
If you were then you wouldnt have wrote what you did..
A cry for help/love/attention... how ever you want to put it.

No one can ever take the place of another.. no 2 people are the same, no love is the same... and 30 days is not that long.. why would you want to fill her place so soon???
Your heart is still greaving for a loss.. Just take one day at a time, let the pain out, it will only fester in you and come out another way.. best to let it out than hang on to it, pain, anger, hate are negitive feelings..
Try to focus on the good, something good must have come out of the relationship.. you as a person grew? You learnt something? think of the time you had as a blessing..

Try to be positive.. its hard but it helps.

Hey, any way, why would you deserve being hurt? what did you do?

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