Women 'losing interest in sex'  

warmandsexy52 64M
7186 posts
10/8/2005 6:50 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Women 'losing interest in sex'

The headline came from The Times, Thursday September 29th, from which the news release below came:

The sex drive of women plummets as they juggle with demands of partners, children and careers, research suggests. One in ten women questioned for a survey admitted losing interest in sex for at least six months in the past year. The next major problem was the inability to have an orgasm; that was reported by 4 percent of women, according to a British study of 11,000 people aged between 16 and 44.

It indicated that married women were much more likely than single men or women to have sexual problems.. It also indicated that both sexes tended to suffer in silence when faced with sexual problems like loss of libido, premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction. More than half the women - 54 percent ‒ and 35 percent of men had problems, but fewer than 11 percent of men and 21 percent of women sought help.

For men and women their first sexual encounter could be crucial to their future attitude to sex. The worse the experience, the more difficulty they were likely to have in later life.

Couples had sex on average four times a month and people who had less than this were more likely to report sexual problems, both short and long-term. Within a relationship, those less able to talk freely had more problems..

The sex drive of women dropped sharply from those first heady months when they first fell in love. Women were more likely to report problems if they had children in the house under the age of five. It was suggested that lack of sleep may be a contributing factor.

In the accompanying editorial to the article in the British medical journal Sexually Transmitted Infections said, “There is nothing actually wrong with these women. Bringing up a family, they are just tired and exhausted as opposed to the men, who have ten times the level of testosterone. A lot of women are very active sexually in the first eighteen months to three years of a relationship and have a lot of spontaneous sexual desire, but then that goes.”

My best guess is that it is not unique to the UK, but is actually universal. It seems that there is a high likelihood of married women actually having a pretty poor deal, when it comes not just to sex, but to general quality of life. There is an important role that fathers can play in bringing up children, but is this the price women have to pay, and does it raise important questions about the institution of marriage itself?


warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
10/28/2005 2:22 pm

Good luck Anemone, may your destiny be filled with good fortune. warm xx


warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
10/20/2005 9:04 pm

I'm sorry about the red tape and the uphill battle. I'm sure you'll win. Good luck in the next round! warm xx


warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
10/14/2005 3:05 pm

Dear Anemone, you have my highest respect. Struggling through a part-time doctorate and seeing others fall by the wayside, wondering if I'll be next, has taught me to acknowledge and admire those who finally achieve such goals. Life has a habit of getting in the way of such things, and that's the biggest hurdle of all.

My very, very best wishes for the events of the day. I can almost feel your apprehension from your post. My fingers are crossed, I'm touching wood and making wishes.

I don't feel ready, even for this very friendly Blogland community, to declare openly the details of MLC III, only that the sequels are every bit as gripping as the original! Libido per se is not an issue. I do remain young at heart and vital in spirit. I have a stereotypically successful life, but it depends how far beneath the surface you wish to go. I hope you don't mind me being vague on this one. Suffice to say, crises are for resolving, and the wise words of your comment on Blogging for All Humanity both spring to mind and ring true.

It's my belief, for want of evidence to the contrary, that we only live one life, and we each owe it to ourselves to make the most of it. But the juggling can be so hard, and I for one am not always brilliant at it. Flying is a joy, but then becomes a need, and then must fit in with that complex tapestry that I wish had a slightly simpler pattern.

Do please tell me a little more about this special milestone. Again you intrigue, my invisible friend.

warm xx


warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
10/12/2005 1:27 pm

Dear mysterious Anemone, I have tried to find a little bit more and find your profile turned off, so this is the only way to communicate. I think Czardas is Hungarian too, but it makes a nice party piece. We still keep in touch, but she lives quite a way away, and so it's online.

An oboe is a beautiful melodic instrument, so much nicer than the clarinet with its melodic double reed. Shame you don't play it much anymore - I do understand how easy it is to lose hard-earned skill. What in your life left it all behind? You leave it said, but unsaid.

Gliding was the outcome of my second midlife crisis (in my third now!). I do not want to grow old attitudinally, so three years or so I gave paragliding a go, and loved it from the very first flight. I get a lot of pleasure from the whole paragliding-thing, whether the experience, the great outdoors, the camaradie, the larger than life opportunities. Flying is an experience without substitute. To walk into the sky - the magic moment - is beyond words, and like other fliers we get called back time after time. It's the worst time of the year in the UK now for flying, with the thermals weakening, and strong westerly winds, and rain, but there's always the odd day you can steal. I love it midwinter, when it's ice-cold and you're wrapped up in your flying suit on top of Firle Ridge in a keen northeasterly, and it's pure windriding. But I'll have to wait a couple of months for that.

It's not that difficult to get blue Cointreau in the UK. Maybe it doesn't travel well!

Ontario must be beautiful this time of year.

Kind thoughts and best wishes.

warm xx


warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
10/10/2005 4:46 pm

Anemone, dear, I can only be honest about who I am and how life has shaped me. Thank you for kind words. I'm moved, and enjoy our discourse. As for students and teachers - the best students outgrow their teachers; the best teachers make it possible for this to be so. I accept your comments in this light.

So you really have travelled this green and pleasant land. And as a musician. But which instrument? I have a friend who is a talented violinist, and has played with the London Phil. She moved out of town (as we say for leaving London) some five years or so. I used to accompany her to Czardas as a party piece. We once played in a semi-excavated ancient Greek theatre in Sicyon in the Peloponnese - Czardas and some Greek folk tunes. Nice memory. But I'm just an amateur guitar player, a bit out of practice, thanks to flying and a generally busy life. Like playing pieces mainly from the romantic era, and particularly Tarrega. Usually drift into folk and stuff, and don't challenge myself as much as perhaps I should. A desire to be serenaded, eh? For you I would raise a pretty tune from the strings.

I'm champagne rather than Bucks Fizz. If you want a fun summer drink then Pimms and lemonade, with sliced fruit, is the English way to go. I quite like Flowers Ale and a number of ales from other small 'real ale' breweries, but my beer of choice is the Czech lager Staropramen.

So which instrument? You really do intrigue me.

warm xx


warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
10/9/2005 11:27 pm

Thanks, Anemone, for such powerfully insightful comment. We make commitments to partners for a lifetime, little realising at the time how dynamic the relationship will be, and because it is so, how we need to accommodate each other, not just as the dizzy young lovers but as individuals that accommodate each other over time.

There is a saying that you always hurt the one you love. In long term relationships everything you are is something your partner becomes exposed to. There is an acceptance of your significant other's weaknesses, as well as her strengths, and of course that is reciprocal. You and your partner are openly exposed to all the emotional landscape of each other, and that is a landscape that might not just be shaped by your relationship, but by wider factors as well.

As the years pass and changes happen, the effort that needs to made within a relationship to sustain it continues. Nurturing is mutual, communication is vitally important, and I wholeheartedly agree that we all need to pass the pampering test (probably the most telling one for a woman that she's got the right guy). It's not always easy, and in truth we're not always at our best. A lot of people then cut and run. The grass is always greener elsewhere.

Perhaps in a relationship we should both always be checking if love still exists. With it there is communication, nuturing, building, empathy, pampering, thoughtfulness and the effort that keeps a sex life adventurous and fun. Without it ...........

Where I live is south of the river, near Greenwich, but I work much more centrally. The Royal Holloway College is north of the river, but not that far from where I work. You have me intrigued, sweet, wise and deeply thoughful Anemone. I would love to know why.

warm xx


warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
10/9/2005 10:15 am

Ah Anemone, thanks for the praise. You posted a very thoughtful and powerful comment - so much of what you say rings so true. But there's a paradox. I have seen many more sons pampered by their mothers than daughters, and many more daughters caring for their elderly mothers than sons. Could it be that not only is it hard-wired, but also nurtured for men to grow up as the recipients of care, and women as providers? Now there may well be some genuinely thoughtful and caring men, who have broken such moulds to some extent at least, but there is not an expectation that it be so.

Expecting a mass movement of voluntary change is as unlikely as having a national revenue collected on voluntary taxes. In the meantime we seem to be in a period of transition.

The other issue to my mind is that many of the women who work in South London, where I live, do so because the cost of living is high in the city, so the world of work is entered through necessity or expectation of sustaining a particular quality of life, not especially for career reasons. There is then the issue of perceived status of work, with men believing they're making the more important contribution to the pot. I've even known men to have real identity issues when their partners become more successful than they are.

Now I can almost see ways through. But not quite. Perhaps all marriages should be bound by prenuptial agreements - but who would frame them between couples who were dizzy with love? Perhaps both sexes should be educated about roles, expectations and consequences, but formal education has a sad record of going through the motions but missing the point on matters like this. Perhaps we need to bring about real shifts in cultural values, but the media exploits existing realities (where the money is) rather than changes them for the most part.

If only we could make pampering your loved one fashionable for men! But how, Anemone, do we get such Venusian ideas into Martian minds?

Thanks for such a great and thought-provoking response.

warm xx


warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
10/8/2005 7:49 pm

I'm still puzzling out exactly how it happens, dranba, because the whole process is so subtle in how it shapes. There is no doubt in my mind that the birth of a child changes things quite drastically, and roles within the relationship start to become defined.

I think the desire for material goods, the sheer cost of living in the UK and social expectations all conspire to drive both partners to work, but somehow it's not as before as roles have been defined, lines have been drawn and people, especially women, get taken for granted. It's not an easy one to figure out, even in retrospect.

Thanks for your very thoughtful comment.

warm xx


dranba 39F

10/8/2005 6:41 pm

I agree with you about the quality of life bit. The problem is this: Women have always been seen as the stay at home mother while the man goes out to work. This has changed and many mothers go to work too (then go home and be wife and mother!) but some men are unaware of the 24/7 demands, think they are unable to help out, or are just unwilling to change.

I also think that a falling libido is a difficult one to notice. It kinda creeps up and once it's noticed, it's really hard to get back into it.


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