Twelve Things I've Learned on This Friendly Site  

warmandsexy52 64M
7186 posts
10/29/2005 12:53 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Twelve Things I've Learned on This Friendly Site

It's over three months now since I first registered for AdultFriendFinder and a little over two since I started blogging on this friendly site, and I started reflecting a little about how I'd changed and the lessons I've learned.

There were twelve key lessons:

1.AdultFriendFinder is What You Make of It

It's hard at first to figure out what you really want so you send out e-mails as if they are job applications, not being overly discriminating about to whom they go. This is a guy’s perspective. Of course women get inundated with fairly indiscriminate e-mails and on this cold-calling the start isn’t easy. This is the hurdle that a lot of guys just give up on. Unless there’s some way of really showing who you are there are long odds against things moving on. As I’ve written before, if you want to get laid, join the local salsa club and you’ll find the stats change in your favour.

You can change your profile ‒ make it interesting, funny, whatever. Just different. Write an article or two for the magazine. Start a blog and write those things that really appeal to you, and then start showing interest in others. Sitting on your butt waiting for all these wonderful women to come to you is unlikely to happen. You’ll get out of AdultFriendFinder what you put into it, so get going. There are always a few technical things, and you might annoy the censors (always inadvertently of course) but overall AdultFriendFinder turns out to be a fun site, particularly if you blog.

2. The Gender Issue on AdultFriendFinder is Not Something to Get Hung Up About

So in the UK the gender ratio is 18:1. In the USA it’s something like 12:1. You’re either enjoying being on AdultFriendFinder or it’s going to be annoying, frustrating and so on. I’ve already given my view on this one ‒ take up salsa dancing. Don’t get hung up on the stats and start to work out how this site can give you a lot of fun. Most guys don’t seem to do this ….. hey, guess what, they’re shortening your odds!

3. Blogging is By Far The Best Part of AdultFriendFinder

I think I retreated to Blogland when I became aware of the first two points. It started with an analytical view of how I saw myself coming to terms with this strange cyber-reality set in the personal context of MLC3 (Mid Life Crisis Number 3: don’t get me started on that one, least not till I can laugh myself silly at my own stupidity!). So I got it off my chest and some comments appeared. Initially rockwriter58 and [blog mizzkitka] were really supportive and made me feel I could write some thing worthwhile. For that I’ll always be grateful. They have both been good friends.

And wow! I’m having a lot of fun, and hoping those who read are as well. I can write about things that I’d never have dreamed of. Thoughts, poems, naughty ideas. Friends come and post the most amazing comments, which in turn lead to more private interactions and opportunities to share things about who we are and those things that drive us. It’s so open and free, real fun and from there let adventures begin!. That I find refreshing, and it contrasts so strongly with the clandestine unsolicited e-mail and trusting to luck. There is cause and effect on this friendly site and YOU are part of it.

And if you’re going to blog, don’t just bellyache about your woes in not finding someone. That’s so passé on this site. There are bigger problems in the world and people won’t be interested. Loads of us have been there, we’ve all got the T-shirt. So what amazes you, what gives you a sense of wonder, what pisses you off about anything (apart from your ignored e-mails), what really makes you giggle? Or can you tell a story? Maybe it’s funny, maybe it’s hot and horny. Or a poem? Give it a go. Entertain, and you too will be entertained.

4. Reading and Commenting on Other People’s Blogs is Every Bit as Important as Writing Your Own.

A whole load of reasons come to mind on this one.

1.What many other people write is genuinely interesting.
2.Others like comments as much as you do.
3.It builds a real sense of community.
4.Comments will often trigger reactions ‒ maybe you’ll click with someone.
5.It’s an opportunity to throw your two cents worth in.
6.It’s a nice and friendly thing to do.
7.It’s a fun thing to do.
8.If you show interest in someone else they may show interest in you. That’s true in life, isn’t it?
9.You develop a presence in Blogland.
10.It enriches the whole of Blogland in its own small way, and strength builds upon strength.

5. Don’t Get Obsessed with the Numbers Game.

AdultFriendFinder is a dynamic database, when all’s said and done. Databases just love numbers. I’m much more interested in who visits my blog, rather than how many. If you get a post read by a lot of people, hey that’s a bonus. What’s the big deal anyway? It's not as if you're getting paid for it (although pleas for a year’s gold membership occasionally appear from certain bloggers!). If you work hard on your blog and give it quality and variety the numbers will slowly climb.

6. Friendship is More Important than Proximity.

If you get both it’s a bonus. If a friend is far away and at some point we’d like to meet then that’s part of the adventure as far as I’m concerned. People really do get to know each other in Blogland and in some cases become really special friends ‒ people you get to really care about. What a nice, affectionate, friendly (and naughty) lot we truly are. Group hug! Group hug!

7. We’re All So Human.

That behind the veneer of our profiles we're all very human, with our good days and bad, ups and downs and so on. The longer I’m on AdultFriendFinder the more moving and meaningful this becomes. There is real sexuality on this site, but it’s tempered by real humanity, and as you make friends these are the things that come to matter as well as the fact that you might be turning each other on.

8. There are So Few British Bloggers.

Those I do know of write really good posts, but they are so few that I know of. I tried rallying everyone together but my post was censored for soliciting. So I keep my eyes open and little by little……… I’m hoping some more British AdultFriendFinder members take up the noble cause, and have tried to encourage people to start. I mean there are real benefits. Have you tried chatting in the UK chatroom with 200 other members? Bizarre!!! Even the London room often has over 70!! Now what’s all that about? And there we have our own exclusive little boudoir, often totally private, and rarely with more than four or five nice bloggers. But you gotta blog first!

9. Horses for Courses.

Other people are on AdultFriendFinder for a variety of reasons, not all will be the same as yours. That’s one of the key reasons why ‘cold-calling’ frequently goes nowhere. At least in Blogland we can build up not only a pretty clear picture of where bloggers are coming from, but whether you do or don’t relate to others.

10. Be Patient.

The quality of experience on AdultFriendFinder improves over time. I can only speak from a Blogland perspective.

11. Expect the Unexpected.

I continue to be surprised and amazed. Be flexible and adaptable and treat the whole thing with a sense of adventure and fun.

12. Simply Be Yourself.

The number of ‘prefer not to say’ statements on my profile has dropped to zero. I am what I am and only on that basis do I seek the adventures AdultFriendFinder offers. It might seem tough if you feel or fear you won’t get out of AdultFriendFinder what you seek, but in the long run being yourself pays off. At least in my opinion, for what it's worth.

I would recommend blogging on this friendly site to anyone starting out on AdultFriendFinder. The depth of understanding I’ve gained simply from reading other bloggers’ posts surprises me. I’d never have guessed.

But to a newcomer to AdultFriendFinder it's not the obvious first port of call...

Perhaps that’s why still a relatively small number of members choose to join this wonderful, if not always perfect, then certainly mutually supportive community of bloggers.

One more time guys ……

Group Hug!!!

warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
11/12/2005 2:55 pm

Thank you my venusian muse. Your endorsement means much. warm xx

GoddessOfTheDawn 105F
11240 posts
11/12/2005 1:15 am

very very true

warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
11/6/2005 10:33 pm

foxtrotter, I've got you on my list of bloggers to always look out for in pure anticipation. warm xx

warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
11/6/2005 3:25 am

Many thanks, foxtrotter. Really appreciated. Your comments will keep me writing. I do try to get a bit of variety, but there tends to be a thought brewing on the backburner which eventually appears. I think AdultFriendFinder is a fascinating and curious medium. Why are we all here? What are we all doing? And what stories there are out amongst its members? In Blogland you get some kind of idea about that.

The fact that there is a sexual undercurrent can be quite liberating in a number of ways, even though there are limitations of design, format and occasional censorship (almost always for something said unwittingly). I always think it's a bit like writing in a virtual 'Latin Quarter' and it holds its own appeal.

And of course there are the comments from fellow bloggers and AdultFriendFinder members, which are real treasures and open up insights and doors to creativity.

Again, my thanks. warm xx

warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
11/2/2005 11:27 am

Thanks Tabs, experiences are often hard won, but so easily shared. Kind words that are much appreciated.

TabithaElectra79 38F

11/2/2005 1:24 am

very interesting, very true, and very helpful....

warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
11/1/2005 2:11 pm


as so often we've shared and agreed on things, something I've valued highly. It's a great pleasure that you see things the same way on this post and thanks for your kind words.


you are so special. I'm so pleased you drop by and comment. My blog is never quite the same without you.

[blog CoffeeNoCream],

Thanks so much. Hugs and Hugs and Hugs for your kind words. They mean much to me.


Isn't all this so much fun? And to have you as a dear blogging companion and fellow traveller is something very special to me.


Fellow Bloglander and Brit, and such a good writer too. Thanks for such compliments. I think we need a cunning plan to recruit more Brits into Blogland. Any ideas?


We're only just beginning to discover each other's writing. What a discovery for me! And for you to write such kind words. I'm moved. I'll be back too.


Thanks so much to a fellow blogger whose work I respect and enjoy.

[blog BJ44S],

Thanks for being so complimentary. Master? Whew! A lot to live up to there! For a man just starting on AdultFriendFinder reading the posts by rockwriter58, The Early Stages of Man on AFF (Redux) and The Middle Stages of Man on AFF will not only entertain you, but will also give you an insight into the journey you are likely to make. My very best wishes and keep in touch.

rm_BJ44S 47M
6 posts
10/31/2005 6:38 pm

Very wise, master.
As I am younger (in age and at this site), I'll try to learn from you.
Thank you for showing me the way.

caressmewell 53F

10/31/2005 4:22 pm

Great post, thank you for taking the time to put into words what so many of us think and feel.

TheQuietGuy2005 54M
2386 posts
10/31/2005 12:38 pm

Warm, sir ... a wonderful, accurate, insightful piece. I can only agree with you and quote someone else in this community of Blogland: "Bloggers are a better breed!"

And, as you noticed, I'm a Brit too. Let's get more Brits into Blogland ... especially female ones!

saddletrampsk 54F

10/31/2005 9:08 am are as usual right on the money..blogging is a lovely way to meet like-minded others and launch some new fantasies..

warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
10/31/2005 4:00 am


Thank you so much. Can we form a mutual admiration society? I have enjoyed your own remarkable blog. Your wonderful reverie erotic conversation beam me up scotty to heaven on earth still haunts my mind. And to say such nice things about we brits. Three times thanked. warm xx

_CoffeeNoCream_ 52F

10/30/2005 11:46 pm

joins the group hug....great post

Liefs Coffee


10/30/2005 4:50 pm

Wonderfully worded, my friend. Lots of good points there. Although, for the most part, I've left the A.F.F. land of bloggers, I still try to read those of bloggers I've become close to, like yours. I just found this forum of blogging too confining for me, and my free time is oftentimes limited, so trying to keep up with two online journals plus all my other interests, well, I run out of time. I'm thankful for the time I spent blogging here, however. If I hadn't ever blogged here, I never would've met you.


dranba 39F

10/30/2005 11:43 am

Warm, I have only recently started blogging and I am hooked! I agree with all your points above and have been equally surprised by the responses I have received.

smartmama 58F

10/30/2005 6:25 am

great post. nice blog. i love brits.

warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
10/30/2005 1:23 am

Bella, thank you for your kind and supportive words. An endorsement from a fellow traveller whose blog I admire comes as a compliment to be cherished.

warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
10/30/2005 1:08 am

Thanks Wicked. I've always valued your well considered advice and that balance you strike in what you write. I find blogging such a great opportunity to express myself in an environment that on the whole allows so, because it allows all of us to express our sexuality along with those other aspects of our personality. That may come out as poetry, such as so many of your finely crafted posts, storytelling, reflection and morceaux piquants that tease and flirt, to name but four.

Common to all AdultFriendFinder members is their presence on the site. I'm glad the different strokes for different folks struck a chord. That was a slow and emerging realisation that really came as I got to know friends better. The life stories we bring into AdultFriendFinder, usually unspoken on profile, are an important part of why we're here and how we use this site. The moral outlook we have on relationships also has a significant spectrum - much more complex than a simple purity test. Our expectations - what we would like to 'achieve' and how quickly we wish to achieve it - vary enormously. And all of this goes into an electronic melting pot, as we swirl about in a vortex reaching out for another hand, hoping it's the right one.

Hugs for such a dear sweet friend.


rm_sj365 55F
2414 posts
10/30/2005 12:35 am

well put, and all so very true. thanks for saying it

rm_bella_ 47F
4030 posts
10/29/2005 8:17 pm

This is a great post and ohh so true. I wish you much luck and much fun during your adventure on this site.

rm_WickedFemale 62F
401 posts
10/29/2005 7:59 pm

Very excellent writing on your insight.....due to your education on the blog subject......Ha! ~smiles at you~
I also enjoy reading blogs that is interesting minus the complaining and need of foul language to get their point across.
In some cases, it allows you to know that person that is taking the time to sit down and express themselves to the world.
One would have to say that the saying, "different strokes for different folks" truly applies here.....
Hugs to you, dearest warm, WF

rm_WickedFemale 62F
401 posts
10/29/2005 7:58 pm

Very excellent writing on your insight.....due to your education on the blog subject......Ha! ~smiles at you~
I also enjoy reading blogs that is interesting minus the complaining and need of foul language to get their point across.
In some cases, it allows you to know that person that is taking the time to sit down and express themselves to the world.
One would have to say that the saying, "different strokes for different folks" truly applies here.....
Hugs to you, dearest warm WF

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