The Brits and Their Fucked Up Sex Lives  

warmandsexy52 64M
7186 posts
8/7/2006 10:17 am

Last Read:
8/17/2006 12:47 am

The Brits and Their Fucked Up Sex Lives

I’m not happy posting this, being both British and male, but I suspect that the same may be true elsewhere as well. A recent survey of almost two thousand Brits has shown the sad state of sex in this sceptred isle of ours. Over a third of British adults rarely [19%] or never [17%] have sex, 3 out of 10 adults have sex once per week, one in four adults have sex once or twice a month and only 12% have sex every day or every other day. The picture painted by the survey is a sad, highly dysfunctional picture of sex in the UK, where large numbers of women are either not getting enough sex or are regularly faking orgasms, while equally huge numbers of men being regularly sexually rejected. Young women in particular are having sex when they don’t want to. And as women get older, their sexual expectations are hugely diminished. It seems that overall women describe that they are not enjoying sex as much as the men.

One in twenty women see sex as a 'household chore' (in Scotland it’s one in ten) with 25% of women in the 25-34 year old age bracket saying they find it difficult to get aroused even though they find their partner attractive. Yet a third (7 million women) want more sex. The interest is there, but the ability of their partners to sexually arouse them seems to be the issue. And there do seem to be some problems here with a quarter of men getting sexually rejected by their partner half the time and one in ten 45-54 year olds being rejected every time. Almost half [45%] of men have female partners that rarely or never instigate sex.

1 in 10 women are having sex when they don't want it. Almost the same number are regularly faking orgasm. This increases to 20% of 16-24 year olds having sex when they don't want it, and 18% of 16-24 year olds regularly faking orgasms.

Contrary to all the newspapers reports of frisky older women, the survey found that half of women over 55 rarely or never have sex. 1 in 20 women see it as a ‘household chore’, this rises to 10% in Scotland. Disturbingly 25% of women in the 25-34 year old age bracket say they find it difficult to get aroused even though they find their partner attractive.

And yet, 92% of both genders agree that sex is something wonderful to be enjoyed by men and women and an indication of a healthy relationship.

I do think that as a society that claims to provide sex education (as basic biology, contraception and STD avoidance) we fail to educate about sex at all, so both men and women stumble into this all-important arena of our existence, unaware of our sexual behaviour as a very intimate form of communication, with its need for empathy and seduction. I mean if men and women spend an average time of 45 minutes a week talking to each other, what chance of fully engaging sensually? And what opportunities are missed as literally millions go through the motions without fully engaging the meaning?

And as you can see in the pic there are patriotic ladies out there in Britland, just waiting for Mr Right!

Source: Zestra Relationship Survey, 2006

HBowt2 59F

8/10/2006 2:54 pm

so glad i'm under 55....

warmandsexy52 replies on 8/10/2006 5:38 pm:
Now you're going to be in the half that keeps on going sweetie.

warm xx

LilSquirt_4mfm 67M/67F
3394 posts
8/10/2006 8:34 am

"One of the mistakes many couples make is to stop having sex if there are other problems they are going through. The bonding then breaks and emotionally the relationship is in free fall."

That is an important point ....... when they most need to be close, they pull away ... .at least many or most do ... and thank you for your comment to my blog

My ♥§ΩuirT♥er & MFM Blog

warmandsexy52 replies on 8/10/2006 2:09 pm:
I just think any medium or long term sexual relationship has this complex psychosexual component, and that's not entirely rational, being emotional, hormonal and possibly even pheromonal. Anything that's going to last needs maintenance ...... and I prefer to say nurturing. I was really interested in your blog and the comments.

warm xx

rm_goddess1946 106F
13518 posts
8/8/2006 7:57 pm you think this is *tttttrue???*

Just a little food for thought.............
If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you...

warmandsexy52 replies on 8/10/2006 5:26 am:
Thinking about it Goddess, it might well be. I started thinking through all the people I know and their sex lives. I don't think it's that the Brits are so reserved they're missing all the social cues and too shy for come-ons, because the problem resides as much in working class communities that have always been direct, bawdy. I know a number of deeply sensual working class women ("earth mothers", as a friend of mine calls them) who might have sex once a month, because hubby's working, down the pub, or gone fishing, or at an away footie match. I think even with educated Brits the whole business about exploring our sexuality, rather than simply "having sex," is really underplayed, and I think the whole idea of sex being a form of communication - an extension of other forms of verbal and nonverbal communication - isn't taken fully on board. Personally I think that sex is part of a healthy lifestyle, as much as diet and exercise is, because they affect your psychological well-being and in a relationship the psycho-emotional bonding between couples. But that's my two cents worth and I am such a little player in such a big game.

Now goddess sweetie, what's this with the whip? .......

Do tell....

warm xx

8324 posts
8/8/2006 2:25 am


Never imagined the UK to be sexually dysfunctional to this degree.

It's a vicious cycle.

Diminshed sex drive due to lowered expectations and even lower sexual interest leading to diminished sex drive.

It's a bid soddish, quite frankly.


"My every move is a calculated step, to bring me closer to embrace an early death." -Tupac Shakur

warmandsexy52 replies on 8/10/2006 4:23 am:
Div, I suspect it's not just the Brits. But I can see the dynamic in our culture. A lot more about boasting down the pub than being at home working at a relationship, a lack of real understanding about what we need to do to turn each other on rather than trying out tricks because they are on the porno DVD bought via a small ad in the local paper, a failure to appreciate that sex is an extension of interpersonal communication within relationships. And that's for starters.

One of the ironies is that the more laddish the men become, the less effective they become as real men. And, as you've probably seen from the soccer, we have a real "laddish" culture here. I wonder if these poor stats are related in any way to another concern in the UK - binge drinking.


rm_mangomami2 41F
364 posts
8/7/2006 11:16 pm

I am not having sex at this moment not because I don't want to , but because I haven't figured how to do it in a wheelchair or haven't found a big burly guy who can fling me around the bedroom ........

100% American Woman here

warmandsexy52 replies on 8/10/2006 4:12 am:
Oh Mango, the loss of mobility doesn't change how sensual or how wonderful a lover you are. I'm sure you'll find a strong, sexy, considerate guy, who can sweep you off your feet and make passionate love. He's out there. I know it. {=}

warm xx

ArtisticTwist75 41F
2505 posts
8/7/2006 9:07 pm

Oh my warm... Here I decided I would return from a long stint away to read some highly erotic poetry and I found this depressing post. I would volunteer my services to you but I'm taken... blowing you a kiss anyway... missed ya... hope to see ya around soon.


warmandsexy52 replies on 8/10/2006 3:03 am:
I'm working on a couple of poems. Caught the kiss and sent one back. {=}

warm xx

tenorsaxxman 66M

8/7/2006 7:08 pm

No such problems here in America; just look:
1.) The national symbol of arriving in America via New York harbour is a giant phallus! The French are still laughing . . . ..
2.) Our country is run by the biggest prick on the planet . . . .
3.) There are more abortions performed here than anywhere else on the planet, so someone must be having sex . . . . . .
4.) Contraceptives are as available as Coca-Cola, no education required.
5.) We have "bedroom communities"; in case this is not prevalent in the Isles, that means that whole cities have developed around major cities where people simply go home to go to bed. How glorious!! Cities devoted to the bedroom!!!! I don't suppose it could be because nobody can afford to live in the major cities due to extreme taxation (didn't we fight a war with you guys over that?) and therefore have to move to some distant location with lower taxation and no services, of course it takes two hours each way to get back and forth to work (at least), added to a nine hour work day, a bit of food, read the paper, catch the news on TV and go to sleep. I'm sure there was sex in there somewhere . . . .. wasn't there?
6.) Anything even remotely sexual is suppressed to the utmost of Victorian (hasn't she been gone a while now?) standards, so kids grow up learning about it on the streeet, in the gutters and alleys of American decay. The land of excess is in abcess.

My wife, on the other hand, is ready to have sex any time of the day or night and often initiates the play, when I'm not too tired from the commute and mowing the yard and keeping the house up and doing the dishes and mopping the floors and . . . . Ain't America Great?
The Saxman


warmandsexy52 replies on 8/10/2006 2:08 am:
Drawn by your wonderful dream I am on my way over!


florallei 99F

8/7/2006 2:06 pm

This SUCKS eh? It is true however that when communication goes out the window so does a couple's sex life. You have to like, love and be excited for that partner in order to maintain a good sex life.

I bet in Canada our statistics are no doubt similar...We do have the taboo mentality among the late 40s and up group.

warmandsexy52 replies on 8/10/2006 2:04 am:
I think that a couple's sex life has to be part of their communication. If one suffers the other does too. In my reply to [handle LilSquirt_4mfm] I gave some Canadian statistics and you are so right in what you say.

It must be so nice for you to see everything around you in full bloom in the work you do .... and of course in your wonderful relationship. {=}

warm xx

CB_2 51F

8/7/2006 1:49 pm

Sorry warm, this doesn't surprise me at all. And I'm not convinced it's a UK thing either. I am one of those rare women who talks about sex with her friends (as opposed to boasting about it), and the experience amongst our team (about 20 of us) is that once a month is about average and even then it's a case of "I want more sex, but I don't want more with him, and I suppose I'd better just get it out of the way for this month". Not because anyone doesn't love their other half.

It's why I'm now a complete convert to the idea of a partnership which does not involve living together - it is much easier to get excited about sex as an event when you do not share the same bathroom and kitchen on a day to day basis.

Blogito ergo sum.

warmandsexy52 replies on 8/10/2006 1:59 am:
There is something to be said for that and I have two close and dear friends who have had that kind of relationship for 20 years. I actually think a lot of the problem, dare I say it, is to do with men, who are actively encouraged and encourage each other to be totally dominated by ego and assertiveness. I actually think too much revolves around fucking, rather than it being part of a wider set of behaviours set to arouse each other, fucking being part of a bigger picture, and the bigger picture mattering.

I do think it's a big mistake for couples who live together not to have sex reasonably regularly, because there is no doubt in my mind that sex changes how we feel about each other, and that is true for men as it is for women. We don't have a fraternisation rule at my place of work along with quite a young staff, so it is easy to see the consequences. So sex bonds, and failure to engage with it or make it purposeful to both is damaging to any relationship.

The problem then is to keep the sex fresh over a period of many years. I just think if you are going to stay together for any length of time, enjoyable though sex is, it needs working at.

warm xx

goodatpoetry2 67M
13127 posts
8/7/2006 12:32 pm

Why is it so hard for some couples to talk about sex?
It IS sad that it's still a forbidden topic for many.
A little communication goes a long way.

warmandsexy52 replies on 8/10/2006 1:48 am:
I seriously think we are not educated to. It is inappropriate to educate minors about sexual behaviour, and in my mind rightfully so, and by the time people are sufficiently adult they are beyond the age of compulsory education.

To which there is a true anecdote:

Sex Educator: You cannot get pregnant from sitting on the toilet.

Student: Oh yes you can.

Sex Educator: What do you mean?

Student: Well if your boyfriend is sitting on the toilet as well ......

Education ...... as they say, it is wasted on the young.


LilSquirt_4mfm 67M/67F
3394 posts
8/7/2006 11:14 am

hi warm

hmmmmmmm ... somehow we kinda figured it might be that way in "reserved" jolly old ....... i sure hope you sexlife is good

pic is cute ... i like it .... indicates there may be some hope.

a sexdemanding colonial
My ♥§ΩuirT♥er & MFM Blog

warmandsexy52 replies on 8/10/2006 1:34 am:
Thank you for visiting my blog. Yes it is a pretty sad pic but then again Canadians aged between 40 and 64 spend an average of 15 minutes a day on sex and 5 hours watching TV. Of 2,500 people surveyed, more than half said they were often too tired to have sex, while 42 percent said they were too stressed out and 40 percent said they did not have time, so the picture is a general one I fear.

For my own part I'm certainly not in the 12% every day crowd, but usually a couple of times a week, so I'm not quite stiff upper lip. I do think that sex is an important part of cementing a relationship and I do seriously believe it is vital for emotional bonding. One of the mistakes many couples make is to stop having sex if there are other problems they are going through. The bonding then breaks and emotionally the relationship is in free fall.

I think with sex education we are taught the basics of anatomy, STD prevention and contraception, but the really important things about sex we all stumble into, so all too often people aren't "sexually literate".

warm xx

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