I Tell You, It's True!  

warmandsexy52 64M
7186 posts
11/26/2005 10:18 am

Last Read:
7/30/2006 5:17 pm

I Tell You, It's True!

I have a German friend and she has never told me a lie. She told me that she had read this in a Bremen local newspaper.

Gunther Burpus remained wedged in his front-door cat flap for two days because passers-by thought he was a piece of installation art. Mr Burpus, 41, of Bremen, was using the flap because he had mislaid his keys. Unfortunately he was spotted by a group of student pranksters who removed his trousers and pants, painted his bottom bright blue, stuck a daffodil between his buttocks and erected a sign saying 'Germany Resurgent, an Essay in Street Art. Please give Generously'. Passers-by assumed Mr Burpus' screams were part of the act and it was only when an old woman complained to the police that he was finally freed. "I kept calling for help," he said, "but people just said 'Very good! Very clever!' and threw coins at me."

I went for a drink with a travelling salesman for a major drug company. We go to the pub every now and again and he sometimes tells me stories of life on the road.

He told me he had a colleague who was on business in the States. He was staying at the most prestigious hotel in a midwest city and spent the night with a prostitute. They smoked dope and had sex after which he fell into a deep sleep. The following morning he woke up late and in considerable pain. His ladyfriend of the night had gone. Delicately he got up and walked over to the bathroom. Scrawled on the bathroom mirror in lipstick was the advice, “You are very unwell and in real danger. Dial 911. Lie down and wait for help to arrive.”

With difficulty he got back into bed, dialled 911, and the emergency services arrived to find that one of his kidneys had been removed, presumably for sale on the black market.

My mother had a close friend who told her this story from the 1960s.

Bouffant hair styles were very much the rage. It was almost as if it were a contest to see which girl could rat her hair the highest and pour the most spray on it. One day my mother’s friend went to the beauty shop to have my hair done. Her hairdresser told her this story, and she swore that it really happened to a friend of her niece's.

There was this girl who had ratted her hair so high, and put so much hair spray on it, that she never took it down and combed it out or washed it. One day a spider fell into her hair. When the baby black widow spiders hatched, they bit her scalp and she died.

One of my friends is a business consultant who is very well travelled. He was on a trip abroad when he came across this in a local newspaper. He was so intrigued by the story he kept it and showed the press clipping to me.

A fun-filled bachelor party at a strip club turned deadly when a 32-year-old groom-to-be who was enjoying the attentions of a well-endowed stripper suffocated while his face was buried in her breasts. The mind-boggling drama unfolded, say police, while Daniel Greene was attending his bachelor party at the Pretty Kitty strip club which had been rented out for the private affair.

According to investigators, Greene was enjoying a lap dance when disaster struck: One of the strippers, Kandy Kane, got too into her performance and suffocated the man between her 72-DD breasts. Witnesses said that Greene had had his fair share of beer, but didn't seem out-of-control. When the song "I'm Too Sexy" began to play, Greene became excited and began to dance on the tabletop, hooting and hollering, pals said, "like an idiot."

Miss Kane, apparently pleased to see someone enjoying her choice in music, moved in closer. When Greene took his seat, she began giving him a lap dance, shaking her breasts in his face. The more she shook, the deeper Greene got lost in her cleavage.

"Daniel was having so much fun," partygoer John Gillman said. "We all thought he loved being in that gal's chest.

"Who could have known that when he was waving his hands around, he was signaling for help?" Cheering onlookers eventually realized that Greene was no longer moving, and pulled him from between Miss Kane's breasts.

Now Greene's family is suing Miss Kane and the Pretty Kitty for wrongful death. Greene's father, George, won't specify the amount they are suing for, but claims that it isn't about the money. "Those breasts were lethal weapons," he told reporters. "The Pretty Kitty should not have allowed Miss Kane to have her bust enhanced to the size that she did. "We hope that by filing this lawsuit, we can send a message to other strippers: keep your bra size within a reasonable range."

Kandy Kane made a statement through her attorneys: "I thought he liked it in there. "

The Pretty Kitty declined comment.

This was on the Leno show in July 1999.

Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner told about her first date experience. She said it was snowing and cold and the guy took her skiing. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, and truly had never met before.

The date went OK until they were coming back that afternoon. They were going along in the car and she had to pee real bad, but it was still about an hour more back to civilization. He said she should try to hold it, and she did for a while. It finally came to the point where she told him that he could either stop and let her pee beside the road, or in the front seat of his car.

They stopped and she went out beside the car and pulled her pants down and started. Well, she didn't have real good balance, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. He was a real gentleman and looked the other way.

When she was finished, she quickly noticed that her warm butt had stuck to the fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to pump handle nightmares immediately came to mind and she soon realized that she had a real problem. She was thinking of every way she could to get released from his fender. He was getting a bit concerned too, and finally cried out to her asking if she was OK.

Well, with a red face, she said she was freezing her butt off! She finally had to ask for assistance. Now this isn't the worst of the story, there's more to come. She took off her sweater and covered herself as good as she could and asked him to came around to see if he could help.

After the laughter subsided, they assessed the situation. They had a real problem. They agreed that they needed something warm to melt her butt off of the fender. Thinking about the pee that she just sprinkled on the ground made her think that pee is about the only thing that they had that could get her free.

Well, after exploring every other possible solution, she looked the other way, and so did he, and proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender. The rest of the trip home there wasn't much conversation.

Now don’t you just love urban myths?

*impish smile*

warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
11/27/2005 7:44 am

Tabs, thanks for the appreciation. How good it is to have friends of friends of friends who remind us that what they claim to be true is as good as fiction!

warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
11/27/2005 7:41 am

I'm so pleased you liked them, dear foxy.

TabithaElectra79 38F

11/27/2005 7:13 am

good stories warm, made me laugh

warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
11/27/2005 2:39 am

Thanks dearest saddle, have you heard the story of the cowgirl on the canadian prairie who was so HOT the snow never settled on her farm? It's true I tell you, I read it in a blog somewhere!

saddletrampsk 54F

11/26/2005 9:23 pm

I love urban folklore..I had heard the kidney and the pee one but not the others..great research sweety..

warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
11/26/2005 5:32 pm

And to think, Caress, they were almost true! How amazing is that?

caressmewell 53F

11/26/2005 3:27 pm

Warm, those were some stories

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