How to Have Sex in a Carwash  

warmandsexy52 64M
7186 posts
11/30/2005 12:56 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

How to Have Sex in a Carwash

Advice

Don’t try this without an automobile! At least not on the first attempt!

Preparation

You will need a car and a friendly passenger.

In the event of having a hatchback it might be worth considering lowering the back seat and laying down a duvet cover or something similar.

It is worth checking how long it takes your car to go through the car wash. Mine takes 5 minutes and 41 seconds. This is all the time you have!

If car is prone to steam up inside DO NOT open the windows.

If you have a portable DVD player playing a porno movie while queueing for the carwash might help in building up the enthusiasm needed for what will be a challenging event.

Plan

1 minute - At this stage you will have clambered into back of car. You should be using your mouth and tongue with all the passion of a shark’s feeding frenzy, groping and tearing at clothes. Anything less than this will mean you are already falling behind schedule.

2 minutes - By now you must have reached the stage of heavily genital petting. THERE IS NO TIME to spend too much time on other erogenous zones, tempting though that might be. Remember you only have 3 minutes and 41 seconds left. Don’t feel obliged to remove too much clothing, unless it tears easily.

3 minutes - If you’re not actually fucking at this stage you’re not going to make it unless the guy’s 20 years old or younger, in which case you’ve got plenty of time to spare, especially if it’s his first time out of vanilla. If you’re still trying to get into the right position go for Plan B (B for blowjob) NOW! Only 161 seconds left!

4 minutes - Whatever you do DON’T think about the clock ticking away. DO think dirty, talk dirty, scream dirty. Get rough. Bite. Pull hair. I want 100% commitment. Over 45s note ‒ I want no whingeing and whining about slipped discs, hernias or heart conditions. If you can’t stand the heat get out of the car wash! 101 seconds left ‒ work on stirring up those loins or you’re not going to cross the finish line!

5 minutes - Should be hearing things like, “Yeah Baby Yeah!”, “Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!” but loud screams and grunts totally acceptable. Religious folk amongst you can be crying out, “Thank you, Lord”, and “Allelujah!” Got to get your act together and crawl back into the front seats and undishevel yourselves before the doors at either end of the carwash rise automatically. None of this post-orgasmic lying around in heavenly bliss, I’m afraid folks. That’s a tough part of the challenge you probably hadn’t reckoned on.

5 minutes 41 seconds - drive out of the carwash as if nothing much has happened.

What Actually Happened

12 minutes 27 seconds -interrupted by three angry motorists and an agitated carwash attendant banging on car roof and windows.

Moral of Story

If you’re male, over 45 and going to do this make sure it’s the first orgasm of the day!


warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
12/5/2005 11:27 pm

Fancy giving it a go, ma cherie?


sensually_me

12/5/2005 5:52 pm

Well, now. Hmm. Can't say I've done this one...yet...


warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
12/2/2005 2:12 pm

Aw thanks gorgeous.


warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
12/1/2005 3:09 pm

Tell you what Wacky. You drive south and I'll drive north. We'll meet at Tibshelf services near the top of the M1 and take BOTH cars through the carwash there! Double the fun!


warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
12/1/2005 12:46 pm

Tabs:

30 minutes 14 seconds - entire street banging on roof of car. Occupants in fits of hysterics. Couldn't give a shit about what's happening outside!


warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
12/1/2005 12:08 pm

Thanks foxy, I'm up for it if you are!


Wackytits 53F

12/1/2005 11:35 am

ROFLMAO! I can't wait to try this out. All I need now is a willing volunteer. xx


TabithaElectra79 38F

12/1/2005 10:45 am

Very funny post...think doing that in real life would have me in fits of laughter rather than anything else and quite possibly with an injury or two !


warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
11/30/2005 11:33 pm

According to my research, saddle darling, it's three and a half miles from London Heathrow Airport to the nearest carwash. Would we make it that far?


warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
11/30/2005 11:29 pm

Hmmmmm caress dear heart! Please do. I'm looking forward to it already.


warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
11/30/2005 11:17 pm

caress dear heart, I'll take Wicked's advice (making sure the car is parked) improve on my timing and give you feedback! lol

It could make a serious fantasy piece. Mmmmmm!


saddletrampsk 54F

11/30/2005 8:51 pm

This took a while to post sweety..but Damn..its the best post I have seen in ages..so sexy yet hilarious..can't wait to come to England and do the car wash with you..wink wink


caressmewell 53F

11/30/2005 7:37 pm

Hmmm, maybe a future fantasy story.


warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
11/30/2005 1:11 pm

Hey Wicked I tried that and the car spent three days in the bodyshop!


rm_WickedFemale 62F
401 posts
11/30/2005 1:01 pm

been there done that, my sweet warm......and you wasted time....
BEFORE the car wash, is the foreplay! At least a full hour or two or three .....hehehehehehe aw, there is never enough foreplay!
Hugs to you!


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