Balls For Brains  

warmandsexy52 64M
7186 posts
12/11/2005 9:24 am

Last Read:
7/22/2006 4:20 am

Balls For Brains

According to a study of 334 species of bat by a team of researchers at Syracuse University males that boast the largest testicles also have the smallest brains. Their findings were published on 7th December in the highly esteemed scientific journal Proceedings of the Royal Society.

Now I know there are going to be a lot of you ladies out there in Blogland who are going to be thinking that this is the proof you’ve long been looking for that we guys think with our genitals. If so I think you’re being very naughty in taking it too far. It’s an urban myth that men think about sex every six seconds on average (inversely proportional to testicle size, of course!) ‒ the actual figure is 7.6 seconds, so we do occasionally think about other things, such as football, cars, beer, and ……… hang on, just give me a moment to confer with the lads!

However, this discovery does possibly suggest that males make an evolutionary trade-off between intelligence and sexual prowess. The large amounts of energy needed to support large testicles that pump out large quantities of sperm, and big brains that support a more advanced intellect, mean that male bats struggle to do both, the findings suggest. Mind you, you’ve got to remember that bats are flying mammals and just like if you want to take all your sex toys and equipment to a holiday destination you’ve got to fly to, you’re going to have to compromise on other baggage! There may be room for a toothbrush!

So in bat species where females are promiscuous, creating an evolutionary advantage for large testes and lots of sperm, the males tend to grow big testicles at the expense of smaller brains. The biggest endowed of the flying mammals have testicles that make up as 8.4 percent of their body mass ‒ compared with 0.02 and 0.75 percent in primates. Brain size, however, falls as the bats’ testicles get larger. The silver-tipped myotis bat, Myotis albescens is estimated to invest about twice as much energy in its genitalia as in its brain.

So I got thinking - obviously a difficult thing for any self-respecting male to admit to doing publicly in the light of these findings ‒ in fact I’m expecting the number of male bloggers to diminish markedly and those that stay will be writing posts like “Mmmmmmm! Beer!” and “Why I like to Fuck”. The text in both cases being “’It’s nice!” Anyhow I got thinking that there has got to be an evolutionary break point. You simply can’t have totally brainless bats. Flying for a start requires a certain level of intelligence and balls weighing a twelfth of total flying weight are bound to affect flying skills, particularly since they are located in the tail section of the aircraft. So my theory goes (and it’s a stupid one of course, he said checking his testicles) that extremes of unintelligence are removed by mid-air collisions with other dopey males, whacking into stalactites, and flying by day (for clear skies, so you don’t mid-air with your mates) and wondering where all the moths have gone. Anyone know of a research grant I can get for going to a bat cave near a Mexican seaside resort to test my theory? And anyone care to join me?

It also raises the possibility that Batman’s dark and twisted vendetta against crime might be driven by his subconscious testicular inadequacy and putting a few dumb crims behind bars might to some extent alleviate these deep feelings. Just a thought ..... hang on, if I have too many of those what's that going to say about me?

Meandering back to the point ……

Promiscuity is also known to make a difference to testicle size. When females mate with multiple males it gives males with large testicles that produce more sperm a significant reproductive advantage. Chimpanzees, for example, are promiscuous and their testicles are larger than those of gorillas, in which a single dominant male has exclusive access to a ‘harem’ of females. So polygamous cultures, like mormons and muslims could harbour future sexual health problems by being ball-shrinking.

In fact human testicles lie between the chimp and gorilla extremes. Of course guys, including myself, are missing this trick in declaring our sexual prowess ‒ the balls pic, aka scrote-phote! But then we need the girls’ opinions here. What size balls are best in oral sex? And is there a size too small for the ball-slapping action doggystyle? Perhaps ability to swing is as important as size itself. I know a lot of bollocks has been written in Blogland, not least by myself, but maybe not enough bollocks has been written about bollocks.

The scientific principle about this is what’s known as the ‘expensive tissue hypothesis’, in which scarce energy is invested in either brains or testicles, according to which confers the greater adaptive advantage. Because relatively large brains are metabolically costly to develop and maintain, changes in brain size may be accompanied by compensatory changes in other expensive tissues.

But with chimps being smarter than gorillas on the whole, and dolphins being as randy as hell most of the time, frankly, if you want my opinion, I think it’s a lot of bat’s balls!

rm_goddess1946 106F
13518 posts
12/28/2005 7:43 pm

I used to live in a house where I had a garden that was the home of a tree in which I hung a bat house. Bats eat an amazing number of mosquitos every day! Truth! It helped to keep the back yard free of the pests without chemicalizing the space!

As for small balls.........well
...that is another nature driven song altogether

Just a little food for thought.............
If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you...

warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
12/12/2005 10:47 pm

Thanks goldri. If you're smart enough to publish such a report it must be saying something!

goldri452 64M

12/12/2005 1:55 pm

Bats and balls. America's favorite pasttime. Do you think that the researchers had some ulterior motives in publishing this report? Great post!

warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
12/12/2005 10:02 am

And so much more comfortable when sitting down ciaobella my friend.

ciaobella0203 37M

12/12/2005 3:05 am

Very interesting post, as always. You didn't say so explicitly but I think you have come up with the perfect argument to say... smaller is better! If women want smart men - and they do - they should choose small balls. That makes me feel much better about myself!

Become a member to create a blog