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CD in Pa: something different
CD in Pa: something different
This not going to be a normal post, but then, I'm not a normal guy. There won't be any pictures or continuation of my story (which is still being worked on, so it will get better as it goes along).
Today, I want to talk about where I'm at in my head with regards to a lot of things.
The cool thing about AdultFriendFinder is that there are people here that into what I'm into. Actually, I like hearing compliments about my body, no sense lying about that! When someone sends me a compliment, I usually blush. I like blushing. I like flirting. It's why I take pictures, and it just so happens that I think I look good in lingerie. I think flirting is the best part of sex, because nothing has happened yet, so you're still getting worked-up. Getting worked-up is the greatest feeling in the world to me. I love to flirt, and I love to think about sex, because sex is fun. I like thinking about sex with guys because it's a "bad thing" for a guy to think about. Getting dressed in lingerie is a "bad thing". I like thinking about "bad things" because that makes me feel like such a "bad girl".
Here's where we go off-course:
Last time I checked, people don't get hurt by doing either of the things that I enjoy talking about on AdultFriendFinder, outside of emotional issues, of course.
What is wrong with a society that bases its opinion of people on the way they dress or act or who they spend their time with? Is it obvious to only me that these so-called "morals" and prejudices are in fact nothing more than ignorance and arrogance disguised as "protecting" whatever it is people like that think they are trying to protect. Why should I live my life on the basis of something that is so obviously wrong? I like wearing lingerie! I like thinking about sex with a man! It gets me going, gets me worked-up, and that makes me feel good about being me!
Don't get me wrong, I firmly believe the world should follow certain rules. Don't steal, don't kill, don't annoy people... oh, and don't lie! There, simple enough! Four rules that I'm sure we all agree on.
When I'm not in lingerie, I think about sex. I do find time to work, and I do have a schedule, but I like feeling good about myself because I'm a pretty interesting guy to know. I have this weird ability to take a step back from my life and really look at it. It's kind of a scary thing to do, when you give it some thought. I'm sure everyone's done it once or twice, right? Take a good look at your life and hopefully you see what I see: something beautiful. It's something wonderful to just be alive. Think about the fact that we had to be created from what started out as a pile of goo, that the formation of this planet, OUR planet, had to be dependent on huge fireballs of galatic matter smashing into it. If we were not in the orbit we are in, we would not be here. Think about THAT for a second, and then take a good long look at your life, with the realization that you control most everything you do and see, and ask yourself if you're happy.
Want to know why I'm not happy? Because the only thing that gave my life meaning is nowhere to be found. So, because she's not here, I'm doing whatever the heck I want to with my life, and part of that is being a crossdresser. No gets hurt by it, I'm having fun and feel good about being me and, most importantly, being alive.
Sometime before I die, I want to know that my life meant something to somebody else. Because of the way I think, maybe I can help people understand things they normally don't understand. One of those things is crossdressing. Are you really curious as to why people crossdress? I'll tell you why I do it: They're just clothes I like to wear. Yeah, I like acting a little girly and think about men, but the crossdressing is just clothes! I like wearing stockings. I like thongs. I like corsets. They feel good, they make my body feel good, and I think I look sexy... sorry if that sounds conceited. Maybe one of these days, I'll figure-out make-up and get some face-shots on here.
Now back to a totally different direction:
I had a conversation at an old, crappy job with a guy who didn't grasp the concept of not being able to know something you never learned. The capital of Some State I'll Never Visit may be whatever it is, but if you never learn it, you'll never know it. Seems simple enough to me, but he treated everyone like they should know everything he knew, which is absolutely, without question, the dumbest thing you could ever do. "Common Knowledge" is something people have to learn.
Getting back to the "OUR planet" thing: Is it really ours at all? Do we get to take anything with us when we die? No. At best, we leave something for the next generation. At best, all we can do is leave something for our children, a beautiful world that hopefully is in as good a shape as when we ourselves started in it. Shouldn't that be everybody's goal in life? To make sure that this whole world is no worse off, if not better, than the way it was while we were growing-up?
Why is it that people view the world through the "public" perception of Right and Wrong? The people doing all the talking in this world only do the talking so long as you're willing to listen. Once you get tired of listening, walk away. People that need to talk and don't do much else aren't worth listening to. People that THINK, well, they're priceless. It only takes one person with one good idea to take the world by storm. Look at whatever the current fad with kids is today. Some schmuck at a toy company made that (and if you're the schmuck, thank you, that stuff looks cool!).
Basically, what all the rambling comes down to is this: I love wearing lingerie and I don't feel bad about doing it. I see no reason to feel bad about what I do because I enjoy doing it, and nobody gets hurt by it. I'm not going out and telling the world because I don't want to, not because I'm ashamed about this anymore. I used to be, because of what society viewed as right and wrong, and that's tough to get past when everyone you know thinks the same way. I figure now, what they don't know isn't their business.
So where I'm at now is here: Do I want to really meet someone and talk about it and/or something more than that? I like the idea. I like thinking about it, I just don't know if I want to take it from a fantasy to a reality. Am I going to find what I'm looking for, when the only thing I ever wanted can never be mine? Take a good look at your life and picture the most important person in it, then picture your life without them. I don't have to do that, because that's been my entire life, and I've probably got another 30 or 40 years left of living to do. This going to be one heck of a long life for me. I need to do something to keep me entertained. Now you know two or three things about me that maybe most people don't.
By the way, if any of you thought I was going to be a normal crossdresser, well, now you know better!
One last thing: I'm looking for a good name feminine name for myself. Anybody have any ideas?
7/11/2006 1:04 pm
You seem confused and alone hun. I hope that you are ok. i have just written a blog about the turning point from crossdressing to more bi sexual fellings. I have posted it and will post again tomorrow. I hope that it helps. I tottally understand about the though of losing all you have, especially the most important person. For me thats my wife. She does not know and will never know what I do, it would hurt her and ruin me too much.|
NEVER FEEL ASHAMED !
NEVER THINK IT IS YOU, ITS NOT, YOU ARE SPECIAL.
if you ever want to chat send me an e-mail here or at ventingfrustrations at hot mail dot co dot uk
yes you are a VERY naughty girl and need to be punished. Sir will have to take you to his office and take out his naughty stick !
I'm 'Leanne' by the way. Its David really, but Leanne is the girl name I like. as for your name, what female name do you like personally ?
7/12/2006 4:56 am
Alone? Yes, very much so. Confused? Of course! OK? Always.|
Yeah, I have this big whole in my heart that, when I think about it, drives me crazy and depresses me, but my life is what it is without her, and I accept that... I just don't particularly feel all that happy about it. In the last few months, I've broken-down twice thinking about someone who was last a part of my life over 15 years ago... that's how much I love her. I am never going to be happy that she's not here, BUT I have my own life to live. I like my life, I love my wife and friends and family. I enjoy what I do for a living and have fun dressing-up when I can. I have a good life that I'm extremely grateful for, and yet, hardly a day or week or month will go by that I do not think about the person that means the most to me. I love her, and that is never going to change.
7/28/2006 6:54 am
good blog. i just started crossdressing and god, i love it so. how about barbie as a name|