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the heart is a lonely hunter
the heart is a lonely hunter
Loneliness! What a word! Sometimes it pervades my soul like the foul smell of a skunk that was hit in the road. It's a battle I constantly fight and usually lose. I know I shouldn't feel it. Why? Because I'm married and married people are supposed to feel loved and cherished and nurtured and together.
Not me! I guess I settled for this a long time ago. I look around and wonder when did we start having separate living places. When did the tv get cut into two parts? When did I start feeling relief when he walked out the door to go play golf or even to work? Yet I miss him when he's not here. But then, why should I? It's not going to change when he walks back in the door. He'll go to his beloved couch and turn on his beloved tv and I will stand there like a foolish nymph and it will never change no matter what I try and do, it's still the same and the loneliness taunts me like a bully from the corner of the room.
Loneliness - one of my closest friends. It wakes with me in the morning and I walk with it all day long. It follows close at my heels at the boardwalk, playing in the park with my granddaughter, shopping at the mall and watching tv. I look over at the man that I pledged my love to and see him snoring contentedly on the couch, not seeming to know or understand my isolation, my wants and desires, but loneliness does.
Loneliness is there when I dream. It sees the emptiness and trie to fill it with visions of should haves and what could be if only I would pull myself out of the dirge, push away my "good girl" attitude and "go for it" It tells me I wouldn't be lonely anymore. I could feed and quench the desires in my soul and my body, drown in someone else and chase lonely away.
But, tell me. What happens when that happens? Does loneliness leave forever or is it hiding in another corner in another room, waiting for another time to sneak in and wrap itself around you like an old familiar blanket?
Can you get rid of loneliness by hiding in another? Can you beat it back once it's beaten you? Can you push enough, take enough from others so it won't take your soul from you once more?
Tell me, do you ever win when loneliness is your greatest opponet? Striking like a hunter in the depth of your soul and your heart.It knows your weaknesses and it knows its strength.
Loneliness, my greatest friend, my greatest ally, my greatest excuse for not living. Loneliness is my life, what would I do without it? Who can tell? I don't know how to fight it, don't know where to begin. All I know is that it has been there and will always be lurking in the shadow, waiting to be invited back again.snuggling down into the deep recesses of my heart and soul, waitng for the chance to roar it's ugly head and once more take over my life.
Loneliness - the feeling of being alone - ME!
6/10/2006 2:22 am
If you continually think of loniness, rather than doing something about it, you are dommed to live that way. I know this is easier said than done, but try and stay positive. Remember, only you can help yourself.|
I wish you all the best.