Sex or Love?  

waggypolly 72F
7449 posts
12/9/2005 2:48 am

Last Read:
11/12/2006 3:25 am

Sex or Love?

This is a sex site. Some people come to it for quick hookups. Other people end up falling in love. mshunyhole is not the first and she won’t be the last. Some of us come here and muse about the relationship between sex, love and romance. FreeLove999 has been doing that lately. Her post, at a loss for words has caused me to reflect on my own situation.

There is in my life a character called Mr Hewhomicarefordeeply. We are not lovers; we never have been; we are just very good friends. When I met him Polly and Jeanne were both very taken by him. Polly liked his physique; Jeanne liked his mind. I’ve always said that there is nothing sexier than a highly intelligent man. Unfortunately he’s not attracted to me; I’m more the earth mother type and he favours a boyish figure.

It is difficult not to be jealous when he has a relationship with someone else. Is jealousy inevitable? It feels it, but I don’t believe it should be.

Enter another character; I’ll call her Midge. Midge doesn’t make for good copy on an adult site because she is a juvenile. However when sex is linked to romance she tends to make a grand entrance. She wants Mr Hewhomicarefordeeply for herself. She wants him for a father figure, someone to offer validation, security and the familiar couple set-up. Maybe Midge didn’t get good-enough parenting when she was a child.

She is clinging, cloying, and messes things up; she’s possessive, insecure. In contrast Polly is happy to share; it can even turn her on. Jeanne has wisdom enough to know that desire for what we can’t have leads to suffering and that the best love is that which just seeks the happiness of the other person. Polly and Jeanne can negotiate fun times and maybe ongoing relationships: but not with Midge’s help.

Do we tend to ask too much of our relationships, to ask one person to be all things for us?

This is Polly, still Wagging
Remember: ! Bloggers are a Better Breed !

Latest post: Naked

rm_FreeLove999 46F
16127 posts
12/9/2005 5:08 am

as u know i think we get a lot of mythologising and brainwashing on the subject, which is hard to unravel from our true feelings. but i do think it is possible to realise one person cannot provide all ... this was my discussion with the man i'm in love with last night -- he thinks in a truly passionate love, one should be enough...

[blog freelove999]

paintmeblue 62M

12/9/2005 5:22 am

Do we tend to ask too much of our relationships, to ask one person to be all things for us?

Personally, I've always thought it is too much to ask. In the good old days, a marriage was more a business transaction, with one person deriving the income, and the other managing the household. That's the way it was, so that's how you lived your life.

Now, both people have to derive an income, and it's acceptable to separate if things don't work out.
A very small percentage of people perhaps find their best friend, confidante, soulmate and satisfactory sex partner; the rest either endure a miserable relationship or split up.
I think it's hoping for the impossible to expect that our partner be all things to us.

So society has changed; are we better off?

angelofmercy5 59F
17881 posts
12/9/2005 7:08 am

Once again you are so profound, and bring many things for a mind to ponder. I think we do tend to ask too much of our relationships...can we really be all things for one person ourself? I think we try sometimes, and usually fail on one account or another. And just for the record, Hewhomicarefordeeply is missing out on a good thing.

interested13563 53M
2557 posts
12/9/2005 12:01 pm

Polly, as always your post is full of wisdom.
I think (as I have experienced) that friendship
with a person who you care about romantically
is possible but it can also be a serious problem.
The person one cares about a lot should have
the maturity and the integrity to limit the relation
or even get out of the other's life if just
friendship is too much of an emotional burden for the
other person. As for M. I can say she is no good
news for anybody.

horny4770 60M
8158 posts
12/9/2005 2:20 pm

Talented, charming and insightful; I certainly admire those qualities in a woman. You also use words at times I need a dictionary for. Now to the question at hand: In that perfect world I mentioned in a previous reply; there was one, I’ll call her theonethatfittheticket that did fulfill me in every way; we were both ALL things to each other for nearly 22 years. Fast forward to present time; to achieve the same fulfillment (and I use that word reluctantly) now enter the following: ladywhomakesmeromantic; fulfilling the passion, caring and companionship needs; girlwholmakesmehavefun; satisfying the mischievous, carefree and lets live life for today needs; and femaleforallotheroccasions; who is simply that, there to help fill in the voids. In no way am I proud of how things have been as of late. Me, being your ‘Midge’ to ladywhomakesmeromantic, a strong, beautiful, desirable, independent, a I don’t need you to take care of me woman and I really don’t want to share but I will if I have to; I hinder her from finding someone decent, but still she holds on to hope. Girlwholmakesmehavefun is ‘Midge’ to Ladywhomakesmeromantic; a young growing up without a father, possessive, needy and insecure woman; I can help her and I want to; that gratifies the being ‘man’ in me. Femaleforallotheroccasions is available with no responsibilities, no commitment and also no loyalties. If I were female, I would be called a slut. Jealousy is the end result of our objects of desire obtained or fulfilled by someone other than us. I agree that it shouldn’t be so, but I think it always will.

I believe we can all have our own hewhomicarefordeeply or our own theonethatfittheticket. Although we still ‘want what we want’, I have to trust that being living, caring human beings; at least some of us; we have the ability to mold to or be molded by another and actually fit together. I can’t criticize the quick hookups, that’s why I joined, but being a one woman man for all those years, I want and need something that connects romance, love, lust and sex while pursuing a complete life whatever that may be and having the capacity to judge the different emotions involved. Having had it all once, I want it all again or at least most of it, no, all of it. But I definitely don’t want to get tied to anyone who isn’t willing to mold to fit my jagged edges as I mold to fit theirs; smoothing one another into a usable form. So in my humble opinion, no; we don’t ask too much, we don’t demand too much and for the most part we don’t care enough or give enough of ourselves as a whole. Some are up to the challenge and some are not. Sorting them out is complex. But then that’s just me. Society hasn’t changed; people have changed; being like water without applied force; seeking the path of least resistance; we fail miserable as a species for anything long term. But still; I have hope.

I’m going to have to quit my stopping by to visit; you make me think so deeply my head actually hurts; but I love you for it! Thank you and please forgive my being so full of words today.

Theflinkychick 105F

12/9/2005 2:44 pm

I don't think that I can be EVERYTHING to my partner, but I don't want him looking for another sexual partner. I am talking about a LTR, not FWB. We all need friends and I trust my partner to have both male and female friendships. I don't want to keep him in a box... just don't want him in anyone else's bed!

Not all who wander are lost.

LickYourYoni 67M
470 posts
12/9/2005 2:52 pm

isn't the issue here several decades of experience?
how can a juvenile know without the depth of years?

you leave this post with a question. my folx have
been married for 59 years. both of their parents
exceeded 50 years. here i am in my mid-50s without
a goddess. sob! and yet, i struggle with the
one-person-be-all concept.

to use my music as a metaphor ~ i have 4 musical projects
each project gives so much nurturing, filling my being.
when it was just one project, i craved more. each project
returns something to me that the others don't. now, if i
could only get a huge grant or a rich patron...

DukeAbbaddon 42M
280 posts
12/9/2005 3:41 pm

leve the worry at the door i at least hope im a freand

Erik_Bloodaxe 56M

12/10/2005 8:12 am

I think that now and then people can find their (for want of a better word) "soul mate". By this I mean that someone who is everything to them. But most of the time people have to compromise. Some great relationships exist as a compromise. But I think if one seeks a "soul mate" then one is doomed. Because they are probably the personality type that will never find exactly what they are looking for.


horny4770 60M
8158 posts
12/10/2005 12:15 pm

Lucky isn’t a word I would use to describe my life; pathetic would be more my choice of terms, but again, I’m working on it. Anything I say or do, feel free to use it; for me or against me. Being a woodworker, one would think I could spell and use the correct use of the word ‘mould’; not really sure I would want anyone to ‘mold’ me. LOL.

I’ve been meaning to ask, if I may: Are you really a blogger or an Angel Therapist masquerading as a blogger? I may have to send you a payment for services rendered.

And thanks for not banning me from your thought provoking posts!

keithcancook 60M
17865 posts
12/10/2005 12:52 pm

The relationship you have with yourself is getting confusing enough. Are you sure you can handle bringing an outsider into the mix?

(just kidding you sweetie. I hope you will find what you are looking for, and soon)

keithcancook 60M
17865 posts
12/11/2005 5:06 am

After juggling a few complex relationships of my own I have discovered where my "place" is... alone.

tillerbabe 56F

12/11/2005 11:07 pm

I am a "complete person" one can be "all things" for me...but they can certainly add to who I am, and hopefully, I can bring something joyeous to there life as well...
Case in point-------> Michael {=}

Great Questions! Thankyou so much for visiting my BLOG!

rm_papy_ 51F
169 posts
12/12/2005 5:30 am

i think we all question our selves far too often,when we should be accepting who or what we are.

Hubby bless him is a wonderful person in his own right,a great husband,father figure,friend,confidant and papyrina is quite happy with him,i can see my self grwoing old quite nicely with him,but papy needs and wants a lover one to touch her very soul in a way hubby just, can't and papy whats to try new stuff but papyrina just cannot ask silly bitch is too shy lol and we all have a bit of Midge in is and thats when the shit really hits the fan

Who knows how we resolve all these wonderful individual parts of our selves and rolls them back in to one

rm_unlistedone 65M
2718 posts
12/12/2005 10:16 pm

Polly, I wish I could get this one all sorted out in my mind. But everytime I try to address this, it just seems to get more confusing. I guess part of me still wants to be Mreverythingforher while another part of me knows I'mnotgonnabeeverythingforher...nor she, for me. The two can't seem to come to any sort of agreement. Result: uncertainty, and inablility to make any sort of intelligent answer to this.

But then, if everyone had their perfect mate, no one would have ever been here in this blog, time, and space. There wouldn't be any need to be.

MsLoveRose 33F  
2432 posts
12/14/2005 9:15 pm

when i read this i felt something inside try to smile, try to be bright...and break then hurt all at the same time....OUCH

i feel soooo deeply...i feel so much for him, and for what, him to say to me you are a good friend, im glad i got good friends like you in my life. you are something special...but not something special enough....WHAT DOES THAT MEAN...and i almost let myself sink really i just decided to go cold turkey...the inner me was in too much pain. been going on 2 weeks now...and doing good...and every time he tries to reach back in....i move just a little so im out of reach..

maybe thats not a good way to deal...but its the only way i wont have the crazies....

live more, laugh often, love much

rm_unlistedone 65M
2718 posts
12/14/2005 11:13 pm

Yes, Polly, life without the blogs, or more plainly stated, life without the people here would leave a huge void. I have strong feelings for my friends here. I wouldn't want to do without. And you, are a part of those feelings.

redswallow777 48M
6810 posts
12/22/2005 4:05 pm

Well, I have waited long enough. It is time to wade into the water. I have read this post at least 3 times and each time I get this feeling that Midge has gotten short shrift here in the post and in the comments. Perhaps I am just a romantic but I think I would like to hear her out.

We have Polly the adventurous, free spirit of a woman....and Jeanne the practical, middle of the road woman and now Midge. Well, I think I am seeing her as the young of heart dreamer of the three. Dreamers have a special place in my life...they are the one's who can often help me out by suggesting new ways of looking at the world. Sometimes we can get to thinking they are just a pain in the arse but I think they have valuable role to play.

I just have to think that we won't have a well integrated Polly/Jeanne/Midge until we acknowledge Midge and invite her out to strut her stuff too.

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