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Sex and Love
Sex and Love
Answers to “Truth not Dare” Twelve
. . .fantastic questions. Some fun, some deep, some confronting, some straightforward.
On Sat Aug 7 I wrote:
It's finally time for me to join the ranks of those who play the three questions game.
So, whatever you care to ask I will answer truthfully and discursively.
(But I reserve the right to be ambiguous lol)
BOSSIERBOY has asked me three related questions:
Q Do you ever engage in sex without being in love with your partner?
A I most certainly have done so. When I was young I didn’t realize this because I didn’t know enough to realize I there are two quite different types of feelings and I imagined that any strong feeling was to do with being in love! Now that I know the difference I can enter into intimacy with a different sort of awareness. But I have to say that I find “sex only” easier with the aid of alcohol. I also have to say that I do this fairly seldom and that I have never found sex without love an adequate basis for continuing a relationship. If there is no love then humour becomes an essential. If a choice was available I would always choose an involved relationship in place of a purely physical one.
Q What is the most gratifying aspect of any relationship?
A Generally neither the physical alone or the emotional alone. Emotionally-based relationships last longer and I find them more fulfilling, but what truly delights me is the interweaving of the emotional and the physical. I love to sit and cuddle while I exchange confidences. After sex I enjoy remembering it most if there has been emotional interplay along with either an athletic romp or gentle sensuality.
Q After you break up with a lover do you usually remain friends? Why or why not?
A I never have remained friends after a one-night stand, probably for lack of telephone number or address, but I’m too old for one-night stands now and have ceased seeking them. On the other hand, after serious relationships: yes definitely. If there was enough to hold us into a relationship for a while then there is something to continue after the sex ceases. There can be a danger of hanging on emotionally for too long, and I have made this mistake in the past. I think the trick is being able to separate and move on without destroying the important links.
I have never tended to have casual sex with established friends. Why? Various types of fear, I think: fear of being judged inadequate by someone I value, fear of rocking the boat and spoiling the friendship. I know other people think and feel very differently about these things and would like to read their comments.
Thank you for the questions, Bossy!
keithcankook: I’m nearly through reading…. Mightn’t be too much longer…..
This is Polly, still Wagging
Remember: ! Bloggers are a Better Breed !
Latest post: Naked
8/30/2005 3:08 pm
and you keep on wagging hun|
9/5/2005 6:16 pm
Um, are you sure you are really really reading? Or are you waiting for someone to do your book report for you? What gives? I think you are stalling...|