Lust, Longing, Desire  

waggypolly 71F
7449 posts
2/28/2006 2:45 am

Last Read:
3/16/2009 4:45 am

Lust, Longing, Desire

There is a new friend lurking around Blogville. He doesn’t have his own blog, but I think henri2charles can qualify as a Bloglander. Recently he and I had this conversation.

HC When I say “I lust after you” and “I long for you” am I saying the same thing?

WP Well what’s lust?

HC To me? A strong sexual desire, I suppose; even a self-indulgent sexual desire (personified as one of the deadly sins) It’s have a great craving, appetite, or great desire ‒ maybe even even an inordinate desire ‒ for sexual pleasure

WP Is there a difference between wanting sex and wanting sexual pleasure, do you think?

HC Yes of course. We need to differentiate between the desire for sex, which we humans have in common with all other mammals, and a desire for sexual pleasure. Purely physical attraction has no lasting effect. Pleasure carries a memory.

WP What’s longing then?

HC A prolonged unfulfilled desire or need. It was a crucial part of the Medieval concept of love; both courtly/ physical love and spiritual/ divine love require an initial desire or longing for another person.

WP So longing has spiritual connotations? Unlike desire?

HC Now that’s a word whose shades of meaning range from mere animal desire to that of cosmic karma It can be very base and it can also be lofty spiritual aspiration, the yearning upwards with the undying desire for the divine, or impersonal love, or again, the urge to become united or one with others.

WP I think desire also means the feeling that accompanies an unsatisfied state. It can be seen as the first stage of the sexual response cycle; characterized by a strong urge for sexual intimacy or satisfaction.

HC It’s also called libido; it’s connected to sexuality ‒ obviously.

WP It seems to me desire is the space between not being satisfied and satisfaction.

HC Let’s talk about libido and sexuality next time?

(to be continued.)

This is Polly, still Wagging
Remember: ! Bloggers are a Better Breed !

Latest post: Naked

rm_FreeLove999 46F
16127 posts
2/28/2006 3:33 am

hmmm... i tend to view "desire" as the driving force of every human being -- as pretty all encompassing, not merely "want" or "need".... it does not speak to me of some unfulfilled thing, but more of the drive -- the will to live.

"lust" and "longing" on the other hand do seem to suggest some sort of lack, while i think "lust" would be a bodily lack and "longing" could have more emotional content.

[blog freelove999]

angelofmercy5 58F
17881 posts
2/28/2006 6:55 am

Very though provoking conversation here Polly. You do have the most interesting friends. I too agree that desire is a driving force...perhaps the one that drives us to close the space between being not being satisfied and satisfaction. And longing......I live that one almost every day. And one can "long" for things other than sex. Can't wait to hear the next one about libido and sexuality.

rm_Keystone3812 65M
583 posts
2/28/2006 8:27 am

Thanks for posting those thoughts....... and, BTW........ HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Polly!

rm_Keystone3812 65M
583 posts
2/28/2006 8:29 am

Just a thought I had after reading your post......... about the difference I think there is between "fucking" and "making love"..... "Fucking" is connecting genitals. "Making love" is connecting with your partners soul in a deep and meaningful way. Just my thoughts...........

VATraveler1948 68M

2/28/2006 10:47 am

Pretty heavy thoughts... remember, much of this thinking is done using a man's head not the one on his shoulders.

interested13563 53M
2557 posts
2/28/2006 12:13 pm

Very interesting conversation. I think it deserves to
be sorted out, analyzed, expanded and finally presented
as a Platonic dialogue!

ella1966 50F
1528 posts
2/28/2006 2:18 pm

Please, please read my profile and tell me what YOU think I am expressing, I just can't seem to put what I want to say in words, but again Polly, you have excelled yourself - these are the exact emotions I am struggling to come to terms with and which may soon see me leaving this site. One reason is that people who think like us, are so few and far between!

Like so many other fine bloggers, you're an inspiration!!

ella X

tillerbabe 55F

3/1/2006 1:25 am

Excellent discussion, i am intrigued!

ilsgicemru 71M
2822 posts
3/1/2006 6:05 am

I stopped by to tell you that I love your new profile pic ..
and saw this thought provoking post !!!
I will have to come back to you to add my "two cents" !!

Sooo .. I love your new profile pic !!!
Sorry . that I missed your birthday !!

Happy ....... Happy ........ Birthday !!

........................... ils

Henri2charles 61M
14 posts
3/1/2006 12:07 pm


You have done a marvelous job of articulating the emotions we have shared with one-another over these past weeks. Not only do you continue to craft the most stimulating dialogue, you have established an impressive cadre of correspondents as well.

Being your co-conspirator in this most recent instance, I will endeavor, whilst you are off enjoying your holiday to address some of the responses without hope of doing as well as you.


You touch on several of the issues Polly and I shared when we began our personal exchange; specifically the emotion or “state” that results from a “lacking” ‒ lacking of various types. What you seem to suggest, and this is also something that Polly and I shared, is a need for a taxonomy or common set of terms for describing these emotions before we can have the desired exchange of ideas.

Willing to supply the appropriate nomenclature?

angelofmercy5 and Keystone3812

Is it lust for sex and longing for the person? This is the question that started me down this path. Specifically, how can we describe and in so doing better understand the forces that take us from, “I want to have sex with you!” to “I want YOU”? As you said, Keystone, one is focused on the genitals and the other the spirit or soul.


Having read your profile and several of your blogs I would ask that you stay connected for purely selfish reasons. I too find few like-minded folks here in AdultFriendFinder-land and I would hate to have one less.

Again, for all those that responded, in one way or another you have each touched on an aspect of this “lust to longing” journey; a journey that I find myself taking again and again. Thank you for sharing.

Henri Charles

horny4770 60M
8158 posts
3/1/2006 2:43 pm

This is thought provoking subject. Supplying the appropriate nomenclature would make a discussion intriguing. With the usage of various words interchangeably the water can get cloudy. There was a time when most of these thoughts were vague and even abstract without any definition, but as I am experiencing life from a newer perspective, it is becoming clearer, at least in my own mind, the unraveling of these elements of our connections. The following are only a layman’s view of these terms:

Lust: Raw animalistic need/desire/want for sexual gratification. ALWAYS sexual.

Longing: A strong desire for someone/something that has not been accomplished or may not even be within reach. This does not have to involve sex. It may simply be a craving to be in company with a close friend or family member.

Passion: An intense emotional response that often supersedes human logic and for some, me included, often is linked to lust and even better when joined with love.

Love: Simply a tender caring emotion for another. This word is so carelessly used so often, I’m not sure I understand its meaning where I am concerned. Not necessarily even connected to sex it should be at least coupled with desire.

Again from a layman’s view only; if it were but possible to have a pot and add ALL the ingredients from above in the proper stages and amounts, stir well, then I believe you would have a new and yet undefined word or substance, that in itself would have those spiritual connotations; joining All the sometimes dissimilar elements into one unique celestial occurrence. This substance would self-ignite and be non-extinguishable, filling the space between not being satisfied and ultimate satisfaction. My view only.


rm_praxeology 75M
26 posts
3/4/2006 6:37 am

see my 5 ideos here on hotmatch---praxeology

warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
3/5/2006 1:23 am

Great post. Interesting territory. Strikes a deep chord. In our sometimes bold and brazen presentation of our sexual selves we choose to deny our emotional selves. For what is pleasure but part of our emotional landscape?

warm xx

rm_FreeLove999 46F
16127 posts
3/6/2006 11:50 pm

aw, Polly, i know of Lacan, but know little about his theory. i do know lacan is an aries with virgo rising like me ... however, the philosophers i love -- deleuze and guitari -- discuss lacan at length. they have a slightly different spin to lacan, but i can't recall now the distinction; its few years since i read it!

[blog freelove999]

Henri2charles 61M
14 posts
3/8/2006 3:56 pm

Horny --

You have distinguished another of the issues Polly and I deliberated when we began this journey.

In your response you say, “Supplying the appropriate nomenclature would make a discussion intriguing. With the usage of various words interchangeably the water can get cloudy. There was a time when most of these thoughts were vague and even abstract without any definition, but as I am experiencing life from a newer perspective, it is becoming clearer, at least in my own mind, the unraveling of these elements of our connections.” I have experienced very much the same thing.

At the risk of taking this excellent discussion down a much too analytic path, perhaps we need to establish (for ourselves at least) a “Taxonomy of Lust, Longing, Passion et al”. (Definition at the end of my response*.) I believe that, i.e., a more organized and shared way of describing these emotions and states, is what you are suggesting is required. If so, I whole heartedly agree. Does such a taxonomy already exist or do we need to create it?

You’ve provided a good start ‒ should we (jointly as a group) carry it forward? I would like to do that; anyone else? You could leave a message on my, Histoires .

I have found efforts to create a taxonomy of “love” on another blog site. And for those who are interested in a more academic approach you may want to read a paper ‒ “EVOLUTIONARY ASPECTS OF LOVE AND EMPATHY” by Robin Allott. Anyone’s who fails to google these up could drop an email to Polly or me.

* Taxonomy
Greek taxis meaning arrangement or division and nomos meaning law) is the science of classification according to a pre-determined system, with the resulting catalog used to provide a conceptual framework for discussion, analysis, or information retrieval. In theory, the development of a good taxonomy takes into account the importance of separating elements of a group (taxon) into subgroups (taxa) that are mutually exclusive, unambiguous, and taken together, include all possibilities. In practice, a good taxonomy should be simple, easy to remember, and easy to use.

Become a member to create a blog