Intimate? No, I'm Just Gregarious  

waggypolly 71F
7449 posts
8/13/2006 4:06 pm

Last Read:
1/4/2008 6:53 am

Intimate? No, I'm Just Gregarious

I know how to act friendly, smile and chat a lot.

I grew up an only child. Hot weather or cold, I was sent outdoors to play during daylight hours. The house we lived in had a big garden. I wasn’t allowed out of the gate. In the winter I was bundled up in coats and scarves and boots and I just had to keep walking to stay warm.

I didn’t just learn how to play alone. I moved into Fantasy Land. When I was with other children I acted friendly, smiled and chatted a lot. But my real world was inside. I didn’t invite other people inside.

At school and college I was a I self-sufficient loner; I floated around the periphery of social groups. I knew and interacted with everyone: always there, always cheerful. I continually avoided joining particular social groups. I came to love travelling, where I could be the perpetual outsider, always moving on (smiling and chatting a lot).

I have been like that with relationships: able to attract, but unable to hang in there.

Now I want to be able to do intimacy better, but I’m uncertain how to proceed. Not worried about things lasting longer, but I want to be ABLE to go deeper.

This is Polly, still Wagging
Remember: ! Bloggers are a Better Breed !

Latest post: Naked

rm_1hotwahine 62F
21091 posts
8/13/2006 5:50 pm

Some people learn the fundamentals of diving before they go off the high board. Others close their eyes, hold their nose and just jump. I recommend the second one.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]

waggypolly replies on 8/14/2006 3:28 pm:
i]And some people stand on the top board, can't bring themselves to look down, and just freeze. }

waggypolly replies on 8/14/2006 3:34 pm:
And some people stand on the top board, can't bring themselves to look down, and just freeze.

warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
8/13/2006 5:55 pm

There are many within long term relationships who desire to be individual and free. The grass is always greener.

It seems that life is too short to have all the things we want to have, do all the things we want to do, and be all the people we want to be.

Hugs sweetie {=}

warm xx

waggypolly replies on 8/14/2006 3:42 pm:

I know this is the case. But I wasn't thinking of these sorts of people. Amongst my longterm friends the only couples who have lasted are the ones who have something going for them.

I was refering to those couples I know who have be able to be so open to each other and really share. I meet people like this occasionally: people who take time to talk to each other and make the effort to help each other. They have something which is too good to let go of and I remain in awe; I regard this is not as luck but as an achievement.

I'm the sort of person who is always moving towards being individual and free. I agree that life can't hold everything.

ilsgicemru 71M
2822 posts
8/13/2006 9:02 pm

...................... Polly

I have been with my wife 39 years !! .. Sad to say that we were both too emotionally "sick" to NOT stay married to each other !! .. Often . I wondered who else would have me ? .. And she probably wondered who would have her !! .. Marriage became a habit !!

I am happy to say that since I recognised our "emotional dependence" on each other .. I have become much happier with my life !! .. I am ready to 'break' the 'addiction' to her and move on with my life . if she doesn't want to get healthier herself !! .. I know now that I am a 'whole' person . worthy of having a good relationship and that I don't need someone to 'complete' me !! .. My wife and I have always been .. 1/2 + 1/2 = 1 .. A good healthy marriage should be 1 + 1 = 2 or even 3 !!

I recognise a lot of myself in you Polly .. I was a self sufficient loner !!! .. But I was that way out of fear .. not choice !! .......... The solution to the problem with intimacy is . for us to love ourselves first !! .. I have come to "Love myself" today .. And that allows me to love others !!

I Love You Polly . as I love myself and others !!

...................... ils

waggypolly replies on 8/14/2006 3:51 pm:

Ils, I'm sorry that you got stuck in something less than sustaining.

I absolutely agree that a major foundation for intimacy is loving yourself. Otherwise you just feel "this part of me isn't worth sharing." Another part is the ability to to pay attention to the other person, deep attention. A two way business.

papyrina 51F
21133 posts
8/14/2006 5:05 am

polly i'm exactly the same wishing i could be deeper while at the same time very protective of my feelings and wanting to keep moving on,

I'm a

i'm here to stay

waggypolly replies on 8/14/2006 3:56 pm:

A rolling stone gathers no moss. I see that we are the same; I could so easiy have written that comment myself.

horny4770 60M
8158 posts
8/14/2006 11:47 am

You stated "But my real world was inside. I didn’t invite other people inside." Do you invite them into your real world now? I think we learn to live where we are the most comfortable and unless we step outside of that nothing really changes.

I've been guilty of that for quite some time myself. It felt safe and familiar but also incomplete. Inviting others into my private place has been and still is a difficult task because of the vulnerabiliy it exposes me to and I don't like that.

No easy answers. Sometimes it's a matter of 'flying by the seat of your pants' so to speak, and taking some emotional risks. Sometimes they pay off.

waggypolly replies on 8/14/2006 4:00 pm:

I'm slowly learning to do that. It's being a slow and difficult journey. It's been one of the good things about Mr Hewhomiusedtocarefordeeply: becoming able to do that a lot. It didn't produce a sexual relationship, but I still have felt validated in other ways.

rm_muffin162 55M
763 posts
8/15/2006 12:31 pm

I have been reading about your travels in Laos,interesting stuff Polly.

waggypolly replies on 8/15/2006 3:20 pm:

Really glad you followed me there. It was an interesting journey.

economickrisis 54M

8/16/2006 2:35 am

G'day luv, the aloneness of an only child seems a very different place to the childhood that I was very lucky to have. Do you think that only children generally grow up to have difficulty in forming long term relationships?

waggypolly replies on 8/16/2006 4:44 am:

G'day Mate! Ow yer doin?
I wonder about that - maybe if there is a good relationship with both parents it has less effect than if you were left alone for hours on end.
The advantage is that it teaches you to cope with being alone; I think that's good.

Theflinkychick 105F

8/17/2006 4:13 am

Polly, you've been going deep... into yourself. I don't think you CAN go deep with someone else until you've braved the deep dark places inside yourself. Going deep is scary, but it is worth it.

Not all who wander are lost.

waggypolly replies on 8/18/2006 6:33 am:

These come across as words of great encouragement. Thank you.

redswallow777 48M
6810 posts
8/18/2006 8:08 am

Perhaps you are just a late bloomer, like me, but are such a lovely frank, so honest. I think you do know how to are already doing it in your own fashion, your own style.....just keep moving forward. The path will appear under your feet.

waggypolly replies on 9/2/2006 12:47 am:

But look at my speed! You are one of those folks who got your feet on the path eary on. Thanks for encouraging me.

jerry4oralfun 62M

9/6/2006 10:36 am

Polly: Boy how I can relate. Grew up a loaner for the most part and still am. I'm not much for crowds and meeting new people. I'm very shy in person but on places like this I can open up more and be a different person. Don't get me wrong, I do loosen up when I get to know someone but have a very difficult time getting started. I guess my fantasies are what brought me to A F F in the first place. Wondering about a lot of things and I think I've found I'm actually a lot like many of the folks here. In touch with my sexual desires and wishing there were people I could meet for real and experience something new with.

waggypolly replies on 9/6/2006 5:20 pm:

AdultFriendFinder has really helped me open up. I really regret I'm so geogrphically isolated and don't have the chance to meet fellow bloggers. But it is really amazing what can happen electronically. It's been good to hear from you, fellow loner.

CB_2 51F

9/9/2006 3:01 pm

Intimate? No, I'm Just Gregarious

Oh yes, I'm totally with you on that one! I care easily but quite shallowly, I fear. Sometimes I feel I would like to be deeper than that, but other times I realise it protects me from getting too badly hurt.

Blogito ergo sum.

waggypolly replies on 9/10/2006 3:50 am:

I fear it may be a case of "risk nothing gain nothing." And I begin to notice this is a theme which is turning up in my posts more and more often. I must be feeling it is time for a change. We do need a healthy measure of self-protection too.

__Huntress__ 55M/57F

9/16/2006 6:12 am

After rekindling the wood of a relationship that began as a teenager and picked up again in my forties ... one of the most profound things he had ever said to me was that I feared intimacy and avoided it like the plague ... and I have to admit that even at this point in my life, it is still an obstacle I've yet to push through ... I will not look in another's eyes, even when asked ... this self-protection thing is a bitch ...


waggypolly replies on 10/9/2006 9:20 pm:

Ah yes, this post IS about the fear of itimacy. So difficult to gaze ito the eyes. And so fraught when both parties have the same fear.

rm_alib482 68M
7 posts
1/3/2008 3:40 am

Intimacy can be rather scary, but by the same token, one can be in a long term relationship, and yet still be a loner, or at least be on the outside. Then one goes looking for fulfillment else where, not necessarily finding it, still looking in through a window, and wondering...

waggypolly replies on 1/4/2008 6:55 am:

So how do we climb through the window?

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