Warning: Raving Ranting and Swearing  

vrec_dawn 39M
854 posts
4/13/2006 4:00 pm

Last Read:
4/14/2006 7:23 pm

Warning: Raving Ranting and Swearing

I normally don't do this. Well, not to the extent I'm about to. But I've really just got to get this out. It's eating me up inside not saying these things to my ex. And I'm super pissed and not sure how much more I can take it. So I've got to let something out before I go mad. But I can't let it out at she who deserves it, at least not until after the divorce is final, because I just can't take the chance of pissing her off before it's final. I can't afford it if she gets petty instead of amicable, even if it is all her fault.

So WARNING, very pissed off venting below!

Here it goes.

To my ex:

What the fuck?! Why do you have to treat me like shit when you're such a sparkling person with everyone else? You're such a nice person. You're chatty and charming. With everyone else. But never with me. Ever. I'd ask you what's wrong with me that you always treat me like shit while you're so nice to everyone else, but we both know it's nothing wrong with me.

I'm beyond that. I'm a fucking nice person. I may not be a social butterfly, but I usually try. I'm friendly. I'm smart. Now that I'm losing weight I'm fairly good looking. I may not be all that, but I definately deserve better, because there's nothing wrong here.

So what's wrong with you? Why do you feel the need to treat me like that?

While we're on the subject of you, why the hell can't you find an hour to go through the boxes of your stuff I've left for you to go through and fucking list what is damaged so that I can finish my damn insurance claim and we can put what you don't want out right now down in the fucking basement so that I have a living room again? Is that so fucking hard? You spend hours and hours sitting up playing your damn video games, so don't tell me you don't have the damn time. You're tired from work? Boo hoo. Who isn't? Yet the rest of us manage to find the energy to do what needs to be done.

So fucking grow up already! Take some responsability for once in your life. Hell, don't even do it for me if you don't want to. Do it for your damn self!

Use that damn Curves membership that you're making me pay for. Get out into the sun. DO SOMETHING!

And while you're at it, do the damn dishes every once in a while. Take out the trash instead of leaving me bags in the kitchen of shit you collect in your room. Finish your damn laundry when you start it instead of making me do it if I want to be able to wash my own clothes. For fuck's sake, start actually pulling your own damn weight around here. Hell, half your weight. A quarter of your weight. ANYTHING!

For years you've been putting me down. You've been telling me that I'm the childish one. That I'm making you feel like I want you to be my mother. BULLSHIT! Who's the one that has been working his ass off, even when he hated his job, so that we'd have money to live off of? Who's the one that's been commuting two hours a day to do it? Who's the one that's cleaned up after you every time you left your responsabilities go too long? Who took down your Haloween decorations in January because he was tired of seeing them? Who took down your Christmas decorations in March for the same reason? WHO DOES EVERYTHING AROUND HERE?! Not fucking you, that's who. And you've got the gal to tell me that I'm the one acting childish? Grow up! You're like a spoiled little girl. And I'm fucking tired of being your father.

Either grow up and start doing your fair share of the chores around here, and start treating me like I'm anybody else, or take your fucking money and go home!

I mean what the HELL?!

For years I've been working to support us. Working at a job that were I on my own, I'd have probably quit to make the time to try and be an author. For years I've been loving you. I've been trying to make our marriage work. I've been doing everything I could to be responsible. I've been giving you every opportunity to do something, to be something, to find yourself. And to love me. And what do I get? I get to lose half of my money when you leave me.

And you know you don't deserve it. Not half. Not by a long shot.

One of us worked while one of us sat on her ass all day long. Which would be fine if you'd put in anything even remotely close to an effort of doing chores and crap. But no. You didn't do those unless you'd invited company over. And even then, half the time I'd be helping you do your stuff too. So did you bring in any money while I did? No. Did you do an equal share of the work by handling the domestic side? No. Did you snuggle with me when I wanted to? No. Did you hold up your end of any conversations I tried to start? No. Did you love me even half as much as I loved you? Well obviously fucking not. Did you even give me sex? Hell fucking no. And did you ever even remotely offer emotional support whenever I needed it? Hell no! You'd always take that opportunity to cut me down or make me feel like something was wrong with me! And yet whenever you needed a shoulder to cry on, someone's arms around you, a hug, an encouraging word, did I ever miss the opportunity? So while I gave, and gave, and gave, what 50% did you give this marriage that makes you think you deserve that 50% now that it's ending? You're fucking lucky we moved to Wisconsin is all I have to say. You call me too dark, well look in the god damned mirror some time! I may be dark in spirit, but I'm pretty damn nice in heart, which is more than I can say for you!

Whatever love I had for you is gone, by your own hand. And if it weren't for the impending divorce that I'd like to settle cleanly, I'd be fucking kicking your sorry ass out the door and telling you to grow up. Instead I have to rant on my damn blog because you're fucking up my life so badly.


singleagain53578 46F

4/13/2006 8:12 pm

WOW- thats about all I can say right about now. WOW!!!

You are going to be soooo damned happy when that divorce is over and you can kick her ass right out. I told you over and over that you were being too damned nice to her. That she's taking advantage of you but you had to see it for yourself. Hell- next time you have to do your laundry, just take hers out and throw yours in. When you are done, put hers back in the washer. belive me, clothes stink tremendously after a few days of being wet. She will get the hint. Do not make dinner for her, just yourself. Do not even buy her groceries. Buy some non perishables that you can keep just in your bedroom. Throw ake those boxes in HER room, she will get the hint. Take your living room back. Heck, you want Vicki and I to stop over at your house this week end? With the wifey there? We can give her a reality check that you have moved on and you no longer need her! let her see that you have moved on!


vrec_dawn replies on 4/14/2006 3:41 am:
Yeah, I am going to be soooooooo very happy when the divorce is final. I dunno. It's like every day she tries a little harder to make me hate her. **shrug** Typical psychological response, but I'd have thought that she, being a spiritual person like me, was beyond that. I guess not.

And as temping as those reality checks all are, and believe me, they are, I really just want to not rock the boat until the divorce is over and done with. I really don't want this to become a sordid mess. I just want it clean and simple.

And yeah, I know, I'm being too nice to her. But I guess that's just who I am. **shrug** Though normally I wouldn't be this nice. I'd have told her off by now. But under the power of the state of Wisconsin, she kinda has me by the balls. At least until the divorce is settled.

And besides, she still was someone I loved once. That should count for something. I really would like to see her turn her life around. So, at least for a while longer, I'm still going to be nice.

But I really needed to get some stuff out because I just don't like staying angry.

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