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Meet and Greet - Thoughts and Naughts
Meet and Greet - Thoughts and Naughts
That was certainly an awesome night.
It was great to finally meet people in real life, and put actual faces and names to screen names. A lot of people surprised me by not looking like what I'd figured from their pics. All surprises in a good way though. You people are better looking than your pics. What's up with that?
Strangely, the night had a more sedate feel to it than I was expecting. I rather liked it really. Maybe it's that the Sauk Co group is more conversational and friend-oriented than AdultFriendFinder sex fiends. I don't know, but it was good.
And it was awful.
No, not like you'd expect. Ye gods, I was sooooo freaking turned on at one point. Dollars to a good use. A veeeeery good use.
But shit, it scared me. Just one hot nibble on my ear and I was soooooo there. I don't know. It sounds stupid, but I was honestly afraid of getting any more turned on. Which is a shame, because she was a very hot woman with a great personality and I felt like a super heel for not giving her the attention that she deserved. Or the money, actually. But damn.
I mean to go home, alone, after getting so turned on would have only been super depressing. Worse, what if I'd been so turned on that I'd have been tempted to chat up my ex? I mean, gods, like that wouldn't turn into a nightmare. Or worse yet, what if I'd been so turned on that I'd have gone home with someone. I want my next time to be something really special, and it'd have killed me to have just given in to lust. Or even worse yet, what if I'd tried to pick up someone and been rejected. And it's not like I can even take someone home anyway right now, not while the ex is living here still. (And not while my bed is the couch.)
And as much as I hate to admit it, I still have some feelings for my ex. I know she's bad for me. I know she doesn't love me. And I'm not in love with her. Hell, I'm downright pissed at her a lot lately. But I still love her in some way. And I think I've really got to settle that somehow. The thing is, I always loved her. But she never opened up to me, loved me. It was always one sided. I'm not the one who wants the marriage to end. I'd be happy if she just changed back into the woman I fell in love with and we could fix the marriage. But she's not that woman, isn't willing to be, and the marriage is dead as can be. So I have to live with that and move on.
I don't know. But I just felt like no matter how things could have gone, a moment's worth of amazingly hot pleasure that I wanted so very badly would have just put me into a situation where from there on there could be no good ending, where the best that I could have hoped for after that would be a bout of depression.
I don't know. In another couple of months, it'll be different. But I'm just not ready, yet. Yet being the key word. It's just a matter of time, and right now the timing is bad. That's all.
And I really appreciate that I have friends who care about me. That means so much to me. And I really appreciate the sentiment of giving me a lap dance. It might not have seemed like it, but damn did I want it. I just feared how much it'd screw me up to get my hormones raging like a teenager more than I wanted it.
And it was so awesome to meet everyone.
It was good. And it was fun. I even did a couple of shots.
And to my surprise, even with all of that smoking, my allergies didn't kick my ass. They really must be getting a lot better.
But it's also brought up some funny feelings and given me things to think about. Which I wasn't quite expecting, because I thought I was doing better. And that's kind of depressing. As is feeling so out of control of my own self just from one hot ear nibble. Shit. That just ain't right.
EDIT: It's the next morning and I've had some time to think about why it turned me on so much. And I realized, no one has ever tried to turn me on like that. Of the two women I've ever been with, the first tried too hard, and the second not nearly enough, but neither were very good at it. And in both cases I wasn't ready for it anyway.
Ye gods I'd really love a woman to touch me like that again. But I also really want it to be something slow and special and maybe even romantic.
3/26/2006 8:28 am
It was quite a kick. Hopefully by the next one I'll be in a better place.
3/26/2006 11:27 am
You *will* get your lapdance someday, Vrec. I'll see to it, when you're ready! |
3/26/2006 2:22 pm
**LOL** Sure. It sounds fun. Some day. |
3/27/2006 5:29 pm
You did go home with someone. ME!! Silly ass. Remember, we came together!!! Pfffft I guess it was not sa memorable for you, huh? lol j/k But heck, we had a great night that night. Sorry I didn't get a chance to talk to you on the car drive though. That darn Becca- she never sleeps and was bored so of course had to call me and see if I was being a good girl. |
Sorry about the ex. You will have those feelings for a while even well after she leaves. It hurts and it sucks. It will all pass and you will ever wonder what you ever saw in them in the first place.
3/28/2006 6:34 pm
I know a lot of people say that they understand what your feeling and that most people have a hard time believing them, but I truly understand where you have been, where you are and a little about where your going.
I to sleep on the couch! It has become my bed for the past 5 months. She moved out and took the kids 2 months ago. She is no longer in love with me and I still have strong feelings for her. Well of course I should, we have been married for over 11 yrs. But she's gone now and the reason I still sleep on the couch is that I gave her all the furniture for her new place. She did leave me 1 bed but I feel that if I sleep in it I will feel more alone ( Kinda demented to seek the security of a couch!)
Not to sound down and out, I also left alone that night even after an unexpected kiss from an AdultFriendFinder member. I left aroused, but maybe not as aroused as you.
The subdued atmosphere was awesome. Everyone was really nice and it was a good mix. I hope you will come to other M/G and camping when we go. Thanks for being there and having fun with the group!
3/29/2006 10:35 am
vrec I can so relate to the feelings you experienced. I am very spiritual but good gosh not dead. It has been nine long yrs. My thyroid was off and so intimacy was not such a big deal and when you turn one emotion off they all kinda go! But now I had to drink this radioactive Iodine stuff to fix my thyroid. It sure kicked in my sexual side also. Think it went right to the nether regions. LOL Should have left my thyroid alone! LOL |
The human is a complex mix of emotions. I get to the point where I think OK I need a little male companionship and right now and I don't care who. LOL shocking even to me. Then after 5 min. I think .....oh man so glad that passed. I don't want to give into my sinful nature. We all have that. Evil side verses good side.
Being spiritual (Christian in love with God) makes me no less human then any other person who walks this earth. People just expect me to be, well you know different. Well Christians fail miserable at times also! Not proud of that but but quite evident from my past teen yrs. 1970's miss them sometimes but not enough to go back! No need for all the details and would not want people to confuse me with who I am now. But I would say SINgle would be shocked totally! It is as it is. Not talking just about sexual things but all areas. I am human. I hope people view me that way.
When my evil/sinful nature comes banging on my door (I pray of course that goes without saying) but when I can't seem to shake it I have escape routes/ activities to take me outside of that human weakness. I divert my attentions onto something productive and if that doesn't work I try to read, write and if all else fails lock myself up in my house to preserve my integraty LOL....Seems I am locked up a lot. Main reason I think that I did not go to the meet and greet. Been out of that scence to long and may have done something I would regret.
I really want to wait till God sends that someone special! I asked him to please hurry up.
Have not had time to read your posts before but find them very interesting and am catching up.
Hope I did not shock you to much!