Love Sucks  

vrec_dawn 40M
854 posts
11/19/2005 6:08 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Love Sucks


I know; I haven't been blogging very much in a while now. I got addicted to a new online game.

But the initial love affair with the new has waned, so I'm back. I think I needed the vacation to be honest. It's been a while since I'd simply had fun. Way too many bad things happened this summer.

Anywho, not that I'm feeling much better now. I'm jealous. Not the possessive jealous, or the angry jealous, but just the tired and forlorn because I don't know how to get back what I once had jealous.

Mostly this revolves around my wife. I got her addicted to the game too. Maybe it's because I have a job, or maybe it's because I just have better control over addictions things, but I haven't harmfully neglected any aspect of life for the game. Where as she's up all night, she gets disgruntled if I try to talk to her, and in general I typically get more of a relationship from a wall. And this was even during our anniversary.

Oh, sure, she accepted the flowers and candy. She made time to go out to dinner. We talked about the game, or more the people on it. We made love, if you can call it that. I did all of the foreplay, all of the work. She just layed there and moaned and got off and let me climb on top and finish for myself, and that was pretty much it. That's pretty much all it ever is lately. **sigh** It's like making love to a log.

And I see her on the game. She laughs. She sparkles. She flirts with friends. She's everything that I fell in love with. Only none of it is for me anymore. I just get the grumpy side. And sadly, I find myself wishing that she would go past just flirting with them because the one time she did she got herself so worked up that she actually initiated and participated in making love to me.

**sigh**

Is that f'ed up or what? It's so damn depressing. There's so much love that I want to give her, and so much joy. But she's just not interested in me that way anymore. It's like watching her have a honeymoon with someone not even there, and it's worse than just being neglected, because now I see everything that I loved about her all over again.

**sigh**

Oh well. Maybe she'll come around. What can I do but keep trying and hoping that she falls in love with me again?

Love sucks.

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