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I Am ... Who Am I?
I Am ... Who Am I?
Talking with a friend last night got me to thinking about how we see ourselves. In The Matrix they called it a "residual self image". In witchy-talk we call it our dream form. I'm sure there's a psychological term (or ten) for the same concept. It's that us that we think of ourselves as. That us that we hold on to. When we dream, there we are, as we see us, not as we necessarily really are. You know? It's that perfect idealistic us.
I've even seen it before. While under psychic attack from a mentally unbalanced woman stalking my ex online, I once had the hillarious "misfortune" of having a nightmare. And through this nightmare, filled with friends and relatives only, was one woman I didn't recognize that kept never acting according to the dream like the rest of us were. Well, I wasn't that stupid. It didn't take much effort at all to figure out what the dream was and block all of her efforts. (Which were actually kind of pathetic. She must lack imagination.) But so the next morning I asked the ex if she had a picture of her stalker. Having never before been personally involved, I hadn't considered it all that important. (She was only online after all. I doubted she'd ever show up in person.) And there she was, a fatter older uglier version of the woman in my dream.
So I know we have these residual self images. I know that we have an idealistic view of ourselves that we cling to. It's probably a completely subconscious thing.
Only I don't know mine.
How weird is that?
I mean even when I look in the mirror, I see the same face I see every morning. Yet I don't really recognize me. If I had to pick me from a lineup of ten people, I doubt I could. For some reason I just have a major disconnect about who I am. It's like I don't really exist. Or I'm not really me. Or something. I just can't seem to connect anything to myself.
And I wonder, am I the only one that has such a problem recognizing myself?
8/6/2006 11:52 am
If you ever really look at the way some people dress - and you find yourself asking them - inside your head - not out loud - "do you own a mirror" - I think this will that there are way too many people who don't see themselves as they really are. As to if this is a good or bad thing - I don't know. The best you can do is work to uncover the "real" you and learn to get comfortable with who that is - and decide that it is OK and F what other people think.|
My opinion - you are one of the most real people I know.