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From Up To Down Again
From Up To Down Again
As I was folding my laundry I noticed that a pile of lingerie that my ex hasn't touched in years (if it being in the basement is any indication) has been dug through. And some items were missing.
It's hers to take. In fact I wish she'd take it all. What bothered me was that she only took some of it. Or, well, that it then dawned on my why.
For you see, as memory hit me like a hammer to the stomach, I realized that it is now officially my ex's 'vacation'. As in, her boyfriend is coming to visit and they're going 'camping' or some such, as they figure out if they're really 'compatible' in person. As in, needing lacy purple lingerie compatible. As in wearing for him the lacy purple lingerie that she stopped wearing for me years ago.
I shouldn't care. I really shouldn't.
But obviously, for some sick reason, I do. If the divorce was finalized yet, maybe I'd feel differently. Though even then, I don't know. I mean we spent seven years together. Shouldn't that mean something?
Am I allowed to feel as sick about this as I do? Or am I demented for not completely letting go yet? Neither? Both?
I don't know. I just wish she were completely out of my life all together, all of her stuff gone, and I could remain ignorantly bliss from here on out.
6/24/2006 6:31 pm
no you shouldn't care... (I do the same thing right now with my ex tho... but dammit... I support you--even if I am being hypocritical *smacks herself*) |
the sooner you stop caring... the less you notice... and the sooner you will find a new woman with a completely new set of yummies to model for you, no?
but.. if it makes you feel better... you have no children with her, right? consider yerself lucky--you could totally cut her from yer life without consequence... I have a daughter with my ex... so I have to put up with his shit for as long as my daughter will put up with his shit... (she is very intelligent, tho--I will never have to say anything.. she'll figure him out for herself and prolly still feel bleh towards him) either way... there are phases to coping... welcome to phase one or two--ish... it'll pass.. it always does... so mote it be...
6/25/2006 7:52 am
Hmm. Actually, if we'd had a child it might have saved the marriage. Not actually our relationship itself, but maybe it'd have given the ex something to live for, something to bring her out of her shell. Maybe.|
Then again, she was horribly neglectful with all of her pets after the 'newness' of each wore off, so I never trusted her to be a good mother. It's why I have her three dwarf hamsters now.
She basically failed every test in that respect. Which makes me very glad that we never did have any kids, because then I never had to find out if she'd be any more responsible with them. And if she wasn't a good mother, then I'd have had to fight her tooth and nail for full custody. Having grown up in a single family, and having seen the effects of bad parents on kids, I'd much rather raise my kids as a single parent than try to split responsability with a bad mother. My kids deserve better than that.
Of course had we had kids and she turned out to be a decent mother, then we'd be in a real quandry. (She being an Australian and me being an American, no doubt playing tag-team parenting would have posed a new challenge.) Thank goodness that didn't happen.
But yeah, no kids, thank the gods. The sooner I stop caring, the better. Too bad my heart doesn't know how to do that. I'm not sure which would make me feel worse actually, being upset like I am now, or not caring. Life is so confusing. **sigh**