Am I Too Nice?  

vrec_dawn 39M
854 posts
7/12/2006 2:36 pm

Last Read:
7/13/2006 3:40 pm

Am I Too Nice?

This morning at work I was getting some water from the sink for my plants. I was close to finished and contemplating putting on a pot of coffee for those who indulge when someone came by and started a pot, saving me that small effort. I came back for more water a little bit later to find that having gotten their coffee, they just left it at that. Their one pot was set up. That's it. So I put on a pot of decaff.

My first impulse was to be disgusted. Surely anyone who drinks their morning coffee religiously knows how awful it is to have to wait for their cup, and how much of a godsend it is when the pot is already made. Surely if anyone would have the sympathy to start the next pot it would be a coffee drinker. No? And yet they almost never do. While I, who drinks maybe one cup a week, at our Monday software group meeting, have probably put on more pots of coffee at work than even the most avid of drinkers. (At work anyway.)

So yes, my first emotion was disgust.

But then it hit me. Maybe I expect too much. Maybe it's not these other people that are lazy sots. Maybe it's just that I'm too nice.

I don't know. I have no bar with which to measure this. Was my disgust warranted? Or was it derived from an unfair expectation caused by an abnormality of sympathy in myself?

Is this a sign that I'm simply too nice? Or was my initial disgust reasonably founded?

amoldenough 69F
16436 posts
7/12/2006 3:05 pm

It would seem that you are a person who thinks about others. No, there is no such thing as too nice. The coffee maker just wasn't thinking about anyone or anything but his own coffee. I used to work at a place where I was the only non-coffee drinker, yet I always had to make the coffee. (maybe because I was the only woman working there?)

"Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened."

vrec_dawn replies on 7/12/2006 5:36 pm:
Thanks. That's what I thought too, but I was worried that maybe I just have standards that are too high or something. For a moment I was contemplating trying to learn to be more self-centered, if you can imagine such a thing. I wasn't sure how I'd manage though.

Mermaidslut 49F

7/12/2006 4:49 pm

It is not okay to do something for others, then throw it in thir faces later because they don't do back for you in return. They don't ask you to make the coffee, may not know you have chosen to martyr yourself to their coffee fetish but here you are loarding it over them in talking about how much you do for them that they never pay you back. Scary

vrec_dawn replies on 7/12/2006 6:39 pm:
No offense, but you're sorely mistaken. I haven't thrown it in the face of anyone involed. I haven't even remotely expressed one whit of displeasure to anyone involved. All that I have done is admitted to a private disgust in an environment where no one involved would ever see not for the purpose of complaining but for asking if my internal disgust is warranted or if I'm just being oversensitive.

So here I am not even complaining, but asking if I'm the one with the problem, if I need to adjust my attitude, and you're making it out to be like I've done something wrong?


Mermaidslut 49F

7/13/2006 11:25 am

Private or not, you have expressed these feelings or we would not be discussing them to see if you are over sensitive to them?

vrec_dawn replies on 7/13/2006 3:55 pm:
And your point would be?

I never said that I didn't feel disgusted. Quite the contrary. There's nothing wrong with feeling something. Especially if that feeling is deserved. In this case I honestly don't even know if it is deserved or not. I've never expressed the feeling to anyone involved. I've hurt no one else's feelings. And am flat out asking if I need to adjust my perception or not. I'll readily admit that perhaps I have been expecting too much of people. Maybe it is something I need to change, to lower my standards of what humanity should hold itself to. Or maybe not. I don't know. That's what I'm asking.

Where as you come along and somehow seem to make it out to be like I threw a cup of hot coffee in someone's face and told them to f'ing make it themself. Which I've never even remotely done, nor had I even considered doing. And I don't even slightly understand why you're making it seem like this.

So I really don't get where you're coming from. I think you've totally mistaken pretty much everything.

I'll readily admit that perhaps I need to change my perception and lower my expectations of the innate generosity of humanity. But if you think I went around yelling at people or something over something so tremendously small and unimportant I think you've somehow completely missed the mark. And your persistence in this in spite of any reason is starting to make me wonder what this in fact says about you. Maybe I'm not the only one being oversensitive here perhaps?

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