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Reflecting on Old and New Partners
Reflecting on Old and New Partners
I recently had a self-prophesizing discussion with one of my AdultFriendFinder friends. Let’s face it; if we are in this for the long haul, we are going to have multiple partners. Some will be incredibly exciting, some will be….well some will be exciting in their own way at that given moment.
The question that comes about is how much about your partners past do you want to hear. Of course with regard to sexual health, it is an important, but brief conversation. It is a requirement of any sexual relationship. The conversation I am talking about are about those sensual high points with partners that make you grin for no reason while driving to work. How much will or should your current partner need to know? Are you private or do you use your past to your advantage?
Our past is our learning ground. It is the school of hard knocks or soft sensual touches that we attended in our earlier years. Personally I advocate talking in great detail about the past sexual highlights. They can actually be very exciting to hear about under the right circumstances.
The question begs to be asked, what if your past is your present? What if you are seeing two different people at once by some form of agreed upon arrangement. I will no longer be possessive of any of my partners. I am no longer looking to get married. Having said that, the female on AdultFriendFinder is a unique animal and a man that tries to tame any save for perhaps, a newbie that will only be here long enough to get offended by all of the “cock shots” anyway, when he gets possessive and wind up alone. Women on AdultFriendFinder do not like “clingy” men!
If a woman needs (as opposed to wants) to stray, you had better allow her. Do it on the up and up, talk to her and listen to her. Try to understand her motivations and listen for the pitfalls that she is considering. When she does go out, keep yourself busy as well. I don’t mean go out and get a girl yourself, but at least keep the woman off your mind. You may even throw a clause into the agreement that says “I don’t want to know when you are going out ahead of time and you only tell me of said experiences when we are physically together. Polyamorous people can use things like this to their advantage.
Example one is the ego save. It is true, but both men and women spend a lot of time window shopping, reading, chatting, wondering about the taste of the grass on the other side of the fence. When they get out and actually spend face time with another, they turn out to be less than the quality of their current friend. The second example may be a little more of a challenge to discuss. Your partner has come upon a sexy, fiery, new version of you or some semblance of the whole package. Ask her what he does that turns her on so much. Does she talk about you with him? Are things that the two of you can do that are inspired by him?
The bottom line here is if you spend time with me and want to spend time with others let me know. Tell me that you are going to see someone else, just don’t tell me when. After you do, share what you did when you are physically with me, not over the phone or while chatting. That tends to take the sting and perhaps creates a little excitement.. I will do the same for you. Happy dating!
It is a tough subject and I know that have only scratched the surface. I am probably going to get some pretty rough comment in return. That is OK! I am a big boy as evidenced by these thoughts.
7/27/2006 11:56 am
fortunately all my fwb's have a touch of voyeurism.. they want to know as much juicy details as possible.. the exception being "R".. after i met him i wanted no others..so there was no fresh details to dish..|
whether "R" had relations with anyone else i don't know.. our policy was i don't ask questions that i may not like the answer to... and he wouldn't tell me unless i asked.. (my idea) the thought of him being with someone else was hard to take... but that plan didn't sit well either.. i wanted him for ME....
my other lovers were free to do what they wanted.. only once did i have issue with a woman.. my good friend i mentioned in the other blog was seeing her... and right from the start i felt uneasy.. something about this unknown woman i did not like.. i thought it was maybe jealousy... but that was not it.. it felt more like protectiveness.. and i was right.. she did not have HIS best interests at heart.. only her own.. and she knew from the start he was not playing for keeps with her.. she has been a whiny bitch cuz he met this new lady that makes him happy on many levels.. the bitch also set up some AdultFriendFinder friend of hers to make contact with me and check me out! my bud was told all about that! she likely got my nic from his computer when he was showering or something..
i am wandering off again..
make sure the expectations are clearly defined and understood..
Virtue Alone Ennobles