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the real thing
the real thing
A time comes in your life when you finally get it. When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!
Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.
This is your awakening. You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter). and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you, and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect, and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are and its OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself, and in the process a sense of newly found confidence is born of self-approval.
You stop bitching and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that not everyone will always be there for you, and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.
You stop judging and pointing fingers, and you begin to accept people as they are, and to over look their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.
You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you shouldn't weigh, what you should wear, where you should shop, what you should drive, how and where you should live, what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should marry, what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children, or what you owe your parents.
You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing, and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with, and in the process you learn to go with your instincts. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility, and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry, and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable, or important because of the man or woman on your arm or the child that bears your name.
You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations, and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love. and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms. Just to make you happy. And, you learn that 'alone' does not mean lonely.
And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up." You also stop working so hard at putting feelings aside, smoothing things over, and ignoring your needs.
You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK. . . and that it is your right to want things that you want. and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands. You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity, and respect, and you will not settle for less. And you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you, to glorify you with his or her touch. and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.
And you learn that your body really is your temple. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water, and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear, so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul, so you take more time to laugh and to play.
You learn that, for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve. and that much of life is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for, and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success, you need direction, discipline, and perseverance.
You also learn that no one can do it all alone and its OK to risk asking for help. You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time: FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears, because you know that whatever happens you can handle it, and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms.
You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve, and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state - the ego.
You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy, and resentment must be understood and redirected, or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.
You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself. by yourself, and you try to make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.
8/9/2006 7:29 pm
VERY WELL PUT PRINCESS YOU SEEM TO BE ON THE RIGHT TRAIN AND TRACK. I HOPE THAT YOU ARE ABLE TO GROW FROM YOUR EXPERIENCE BECAUSE I BELIEVE THAT IS WHY WE HAVE THEM TO LEARN AND GROW AND BECOME A LITTLE BETTER AND STRONGER THAN WHAT WE ONCE STOOD. I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING MORE FROM YOU AND KEEP UP THE GOOD ATTITUDE AND OUTLOOK ON LIFE AND KEEP SMILING IT MAKES THE DAY LONGER WHEN I SEE IT BYE FOR NOW COWBOY.|
8/10/2006 7:03 pm
I guess I now know what you will do. You must have the resolve to stay the course and if so you will reap all of the rewards. I wish you well as I have already been through this and you will as always have my support.|
8/13/2006 8:30 am
I SEEN YOU SMILE BUT SEEN A LADY WHO CAME THROUGH THE STROM AND RODE PAST IT YOU WILL HAVE WHATEVER YOU DESIRE GIRL JUST GO FOR IT AND BABY YOU DO NOT BELONG ON THIS SITE FOR REAL.IF A MAN DID NOT SEE WHAT I SEEN THAT FUCKER IS BLIND YOU HOT AND I SEEN THE GUYS CHECKING YOU OUT ON THE DANCE FLOOR BESIDES THAT BANGIN BODY YOU GOT THE RIGHT ASSESTS AND NOT TO MANY WOMEN ARE AROUND LIKE YOU THESE DAYS.I TOLD YOU I UNDERSTOOD THERE IS A SPECIAL SOMEONE IN YOUR LIFE BUT BABY MAKE SURE YOU ARE JUST AS SPECIAL TO HIM YOU DESERVE NO LESS,AND YOU ALSO KNOW I WOULD STEP UP AS A MAN TO YOU AND TREAT YOU AS THE FINE LADY YOU ARE SO GLAD WE HAD A CHANCE TO MEET EVEN IF AS FRIENDS AND JUST A CALL AWAY IF YOU EVER NEED ANYTHING OR JUST SOMEONE TO LISTEN BABE.|
11/16/2006 7:40 am
What you described above is what I refer to as "A moment of absolute clarity" We all have them at one time or another... some big, some small. Its when your mind and vision become vividly clear, you can see the issue from all sides, you can see the right road to follow. But yes, following the road is the hard part. Fear is a powerful motivator, one which often takes us away from the road we should walk.
I envy you for finding the strength to follow the road that is right for you. I had given in to the fear and now am on in a life that is not good for me. I have no clue what your struggle is, but the hard part is over... taking the first step down the path is behind you. Don't look back, other than to remember the lessons you have learned. I believe you will meet many wonderful people who will help you expand you as a person. You will also meet people who will try to take you onto another road. Go if you feel it is right, fight to stay on your current path if you are sure it is not right.
Don't ignore the moments of clarity...