We all know that time will come....can we handle it?  

CloakSederOvoid 58M
124 posts
8/27/2006 12:19 am

Last Read:
1/18/2007 12:40 am

We all know that time will come....can we handle it?

I finally did in May what I wanted to do 3 years ago...I got away from the big city and moved out to the country to raise my son and start my own home repair business. Decided to stay with my mom until we found our own place. Starting a business takes time and money, and since the ex took the latter part, which is needed to establish continued and returning customers, I had to take a regular full time job until that happens.
Of course, word of mouth is the best advertisement, so doing a skilled and professional job is important. So, working 8-5, doing jobs in the evening and weekends, and still raising my son leaves little free or "Me" time...
And then, a bombshell hits. My mother is diagnosed with cancer again, this time in her lungs, not one, but both. She had it one kidney last year and had her kidney removed. Now this.
She has accepted it, says "if it's God's wishes, then it's her time, and she'll go to heaven". We both have the same concerns regarding Kemotherapy...statistics (from what I've read) indicate all it does it makes them sick, and they still die from the cancer, or...some other illness caused by lowered immune systems resulting from the Kemo. Should she go through all that? Will it destroy the cancer? Will she still die in a few months after going through loosing her hair, continuously being sick, and lack of energy? I watched my ex's father go through all that and died within 4 months of being diagnosed.
She starts Kemo Tuesday. Went and had a perm put in her hair so she could go have some pics taken for us kids..."Just in case anything happens" she says. She asked me "if we were gonna stay with her until she dies".I snickered..... "Humphhh, that depends"...she smiled and laughed..."On how long I live I take it"...."Yep, you could live another 5 or 10 years...you n' Robbie (my son) wouldn't survive that long together"....
So....here we are....exausted from working a full time job and getting my business going in the evenings and weekends, pessimistic about the Kemo, hopeful it works and worth what she's gonna go through, restless due to my concern, and numb that I could loose my mother forever. When I was young, I watched all my Aunts and Uncles on both sides of my family drop off like flies, all from cancer, within a 10 year time period. This is different....it's my mother! I love her and I'll forever miss her!

__Huntress__ 55M/57F

8/27/2006 2:06 am

I had a breast cancer scare about four years ago after discovering lumps in my breast. I had a mammogram done and never went back for the test results. The idea of chemo petrified me and I had recently lost quite a few people in my life around that time, especially my younger sister, who had passed after an illness that ravaged her body. I didn't want to go through the same thing. I didn't want to the people around me have to live through what I had just gone through with my sister. For whatever reason, I'm still here.

I imagine that this will be a time when you're strength will be tested, though through your divorce I'm sure it already had been. Have your mom sit with your son, tell him about her life, what it was like when she was a little girl, her first love, where she grew up, what her parents were like ... give him a chance to get to know her now in ways he may not have had a chance to do otherwise, for that matter, maybe you should sit with him. Talk. Learn. Listen. Give her the most precious gift you can give to her right now. Time. Yours. His.

No one knows where the road ahead is going to lead, even when all the signs point in the same direction ... for you this may be a time of rebirth and new beginnings. And in those days when you falter, look in the eyes of your child ... you'll find everything you need inside of them ...

I wish all of you well ...


rm_txrose4uNTX 57F
3289 posts
9/11/2006 8:14 pm

My mother is a breast cancer survivor. I have a coworker that is going through the chemo, but is not getting all that sick like most people do; just a bit naseous and a feeling of weekness at times (and not the loss of hair that you always hear about).

Your mother has a good attitude just the same. Perhaps, it was part of God's plan for you to be there after all. Sometimes misery loves company and y'all can serve to be healing to one another in the process.

Best of luck on the whole resurgence that you are going through to get your business back on top, your son in a healthy environment, and your mother through her medical processes. Remember, though, to take time for yourself and escape every now and then to have your own personal resurgence. If you don't take care of yourself, nothing else will matter much.

Kudos to all that you do and about to do....


CloakSederOvoid 58M
213 posts
9/11/2006 9:12 pm

Ladies....Thank you so very much for the words o....meaning...yes, it has been trying since she started her Chemo...nose bleeds, dizziness, puking, state of "zoning' (awake but as though she's looking right thru me), memory loss, crankiness, sleeping all the time, not eating....it hurts me to see her like this....I of course have my own opinion about Chemo and the low 10-15% effectiveness rate...and it's side effects....but she has put herself in God's hands....It has been hard and emotionally draining seeing her go through this, working a full time job, side jobs, work around here, and my son, his school work, and trying to spend quality time with him in the process...but I have made it through many trying times in my life...and will do it again...Thank you again ....TXNLVSWMN

CloakSederOvoid 58M
213 posts
11/25/2006 6:57 am

Three months later and my mother lays in a bed in a nursing home dying from a now disclosed "rare" form of lung cancer...is now two spots in one lung, one in the other, one between them, and a huge "mass" in her abdomen....all were in stage 4 less than a month after I wrote this....she had a seisure, which I feel was the result of the cancer traveling to her brain....and....events that occurred while she was in the hospital and since she's been in the nursing home has damn near made it umbearable...for her, and me...yesterday, I told them "NO MORE PAIN!"....no matter what! break out the Morphine...

CloakSederOvoid 58M
213 posts
1/10/2007 10:50 pm

Well, I've changed my mind about what caused the seisure after I received a newspaper clipping from my sister which discussed recent studies involving Chemotherapy....results....it kills 70-100 percent of active brain cells and causes seisures....need I say more?

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