I cried all the way home  

true_red1000 45F
155 posts
7/2/2006 8:04 pm

Last Read:
9/19/2006 6:52 pm

I cried all the way home

This whole secret life thing is so hard for someone like me. Because I NEVER dated in high school or college - I have never had to go through these feeling before and I just don't know how to handle them I guess.

My whole idea about this " secret life" is to find what I am not getting at home out in the world somewhere. The sex part AND the emotional part.

I found the sex part- it's great, but along with the sex I am looking for the fantsey, the illusion, the pretending what everyou want to call it. Tht when I am with someone outside of my regular home they they want to be with me.

I know in my head that this is just something on the side, that we aren't together as a couple, but for 2 fucking hours could you pretend??????

I was so looking forward to my "date" on sunday afternoon- I wish he had a clue all the prep time
I put into when I am going to see him....

I am so in awe of him and he has to know it, But today I had to leave his house or I was just going to start bawling right there.

I thought everything was really going pretty good
we talked, he played his guitar, we listen to music, then sex and as we are laying there when I am on cloud nine, he starts in with the don't get close - don't get use to this- A deer story about how male bucks fuck all the does they can - then go back and hang out with the other bucks. I felt so used and sick.

Of all the things I told myself I would never do is hurt my kids, while I am going through this part of my life. How can I NOT be hurting them when their mom decides to spend a few hours with someone that she really likes only to leave there
and feel so sad.

Most times after I have been with him I am on such a high and it carries me for days even weeks.

Maybe I should cut the strings right now and get out, I mean I have had the best sex of my life, so I should be happy right.

He has never said one mean word to me or anything- Bu it's kind of like finding out about santa clause. The story is so good you believe it your whole childhood until that one person comes along as tells you it's just a lie.

At 35 I know it's a lie, I know my secret life will never be real, but on one day , for a few hours, I want to pretend that he could be real- is it to much to ask??????

Having your heart broken at age 12 or 13 must be hard to deal with but you have your mom and your friends around to help you through it. BUt having your heart broken at my age feels like the end of the world. And I have no one to tell it to.

rm_KarmoHunny 54F
888 posts
7/2/2006 9:29 pm

I'm so sorry you went through that. He should have probably used more tact in expressing his thoughts (I don't think those were feelings!). Did you know he felt like that going into the situation? A lot of the guys on here post that they are just looking for "fuck buddies" (God I hate that term) or no strings attached sex. I've even read where some said they were not going to change their lives. It sounds like he is of that ilk.

Maybe you should cut the strings. Doesn't seem like the pain is worth it. You don't deserve to feel used and sick. I hope you will have a better day tomorrow.

BullsTardeMeant 56M
837 posts
7/2/2006 10:36 pm

I'm so sorry you are hurting. Venting is such good therapy. Vent some more. Purge if you can. No one deserves to be hurt like this. We have all been there. Used to one degree or another. You have expressed yourself so eloquently. You deserve healing. (Don't we all?)


SexyT12078 48F

7/2/2006 10:37 pm

Sounds to me like a few of the guys I've been with since I've been single. They seem so nice in the beginning and then after they get the ass they do a 360 on ya. If this guy makes you feel this way, then I would say cut him off and move on. It's not going to improve and he seems to have made that clear. Hang in there Hon and good luck to you.

rm_mainevern 51M
10197 posts
7/2/2006 10:46 pm

Just a off the cuff thought, but life's too short to be with/around anyone that makes you feel that bad, for whatever reason. It doesn't take a lot of analysis, if it makes you feel bad, don't. Here's wishing you to feel better .

I Wanna Pull Purpletrashcan's Fucking Hair!

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