Checking in and out  

truckerwidow 46F
43 posts
10/16/2005 7:55 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Checking in and out

For two weeks I have been putting in beaucoup time at work...tomorrow I am telling my boss I absolutely MUST have some time off. I am sooo sick of coming home long enough to eat, check my email and run out the door again to various games, programs, recitals...get home in time to shower and fall into bed exhausted. It is just too darn much. Finances just isn't worth it. I have this extreme fear of being dependent on a man and I am bound and determined to NEVER, EVER be in a position where I can't make it on my own. My ex left me in a tight spot and it took me a long time to get to financial and emotional independence. My husband tells me that a man likes to feel he is a little needed...maybe so...but it makes me feel way too vulnerable to NEED anyone. I learned the hard way that to need someone means that sooner or later they won't be there when you need them the most. Maybe that is a pessimistic view of things..and I generally am an optimist, but reality is reality..and I am also a realist. Not that I wouldn't love some pampering now and them...I am no feminazi. I still like to have the door held open and to be treated like a lady. Kind of confusing sometimes. Sometimes I would Love to be held and just feel safe. I cannot remember the last time...if ever...that I have felt that way. And also to feel like I am desirable and sexy...I would love to have a man close beside in bed and know his attention is focused solely on ME. That would be a change. I love to take time with sex, enjoy it, revel in the feel and smell and taste of sex. I need to just be able to let go and enjoy the whole experience...not lay in bed with my back turned, reading, wishing that the silence wasn't so damn thick. It would be great to be able to laugh and talk with someone...before and after the act...maybe my expectations are too high.

hydroxygenman 41M

10/17/2005 2:16 pm

No not at all we all need to feel needed. I love making the extra money but it takes a toll on the body. Your not asking for too much, just to be treated like a we all like to be treated with respect and compassion. Its always nice to feel selfish and enjoy yourself from time to time.

rm_nctallman 57M
5 posts
10/17/2005 2:26 pm

Sounds like you are getting your act together and heading in the right direction. You should strive for independence and being able to rely on yourself. You get disappointed less that way. As far as a man feeling needed, only someone real insecure with themselves will feel that way. Take time for yourself and enjoy life. We all stay way to busy and don't take enough time for ourselves and fullfilling personal desires.

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