You Break It, You Pay For It!  

travelingintexas 41M
3/8/2006 12:58 pm
You Break It, You Pay For It!

I walked into a restaurant today to grab something to eat because I forgot to eat yesterday. As I settled down at my table, I noticed a “mood” was settled over the entire restaurant. It was depressing, sad and quiet. It wasn’t the restaurant because it was a CiCi’s Pizza. (Those of you that know of CiCi’s, they pride their selves on being annoyingly happy.)

It was the mood of the people. As I sat there, I looked around the restaurant and at the people and I watched them. They were quiet, sad, reserved and pained. These were the emotions and expressions portrayed upon their faces even as I watched. No one smiled, no one emoted any cheer. As I watched I came to the realization, again, that I had a choice. My mood and countenance could either add to the emotion of the place or I could be something different. I could radiate joy and well being or I could be one more cog in the system of misery.

Personally, I had a choice and no one else could make it for me.

I was reminded once again that this “truth” carries over to every aspect of my life. As you know, my mood has been very negative the last few days. There are several reasons for this both known and unknown to many of you. A major piece of this I know to be the fact that my divorce is final this week. While I know we are heading in the correct direction, I still feel I am flushing 10 years of my life down the toilet and it is a constant reminder to me of what my actions have wrought on others. As you know, failure does not set well with me.

As I move into these extremely down times, I tend to pull away from those I care about. I cannot explain why I do this but I do. I retract in my anger and wall up either to protect myself or to seemingly protect others from me. There is also a part of me that wants to solve the “issue” on my own; to finally say I have done it by my self. Why I have this desire I do not know. These actions actually create the opposite desired effect on those I surround myself with, both family and friends.

Being in that restaurant today reminded me that my mood as well as yours, has the power to affect others positively or negatively. So in summation, the question for today is, are you seen as a powerful, life altering joy to others? Or are you willing to steal joy from others because of your selfishness? I know what I have done recently and I apologize to those I have brought down without meaning to.

This is not in regards to yesterday’s post. THAT needed to be said.

SilkenKiera 37F  

3/8/2006 1:11 pm

Another post of yours that I can relate to. Unfortunately, I steal the joy of others. Lately it's been really really bad. My boss is effected and comments on it regualarly. I'm lucky that he really knows me as a person and therefore loves me or I'd be fired. Not to mention my husband who deserves the Nobel Peace Prize for still being married to me. Edgy with a bite discribes me recently. Not that I was a shrinking violet before.

I know what you mean about mood effecting others, I also relate to the fact that you are aware that your mood is effecting others, yet you lack the overall energy to try and change it. Even if the change is just for the sake of appearance. Sometimes it's best to wallow for a little while, then pick up and move on. But you know that all ready, and probably really hate right now how many people are making that stupid statement to you day in and day out. I apologize. One thing I have learned floating to Zoloft to Prozac and back, is that the human spirit is wonderus in the way it lets you know that it is ready to move on, and in fact is excited to do so. You just have to listen to it.

Good Luck, take care, and we are all here to be your sounding board. The way blogville should be.


fantasylover_05 62M

3/8/2006 5:27 pm


I think we all can relate to at least parts of your post... at least I know I can... I too have always wanted desperately to "make it on my own"... to be able to say I DID IT ALL BY MYSELF....

I can also relate to the wall off everyone around me from my emotions... there are lots of reasons for doing that... my childhood.. my cancer... probably my basic personality... my ambition... and I will tell you... I was an EXPERT at doing it.. no one knew what the fuck I was thinking or feeling... I am not sure if I felt I was protecting me from my feelings or if I was protecting those around me from my feelings...... either way it simply DID NOT WORK!!

It has taken me a lifetime to overcome all that... I believe most of it was I did not want to feel any of it myself... and the last few years I have begun to feel... and I have found it to be much less than I think I feared.... kind of like "the reality is less than my imaginings"....

You need to understand.... no one can do everything by themselves... it is okay to need, ask for and receive help and or support!!!!


YOU ARE RIGHT... YOU HAVE THE CHOICE... I ONLY HOPE YOU CHOOSE TO LET US HELP YOU!!!!! Let us be there with and for you.... lean on us as we will (and many have already) lean on you at times

I think I used to steal joy (not for my own purpose nor intentionally.. but by my LACK of joy in my own life.. living a very serious life... but I do think I now create joy for others.. not everyone around me.. but many... at least I hope so



fantasylover_05 62M

3/8/2006 5:28 pm

ps... I AGREE with your last post



barbiebunny 36F
5597 posts
3/8/2006 5:30 pm

TiT News exclusive
to cheer things up a oldie but a goodie
luv ya Trav

Its good to be...ME

rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
3/8/2006 6:03 pm

Oh hey, I'm little Miss Mary Sunshine, doncha know, with a good solid dose of sarcasm thrown in.

You know me Brat. Almost always try to see the positive in things and reflect and project that to others. But, to keep it from being too sickeningly sweet that sarcastic wit raises it's annoying little head.

There's a job description someplace that comes with being a friend. Be there when they need you. Support them when they need support. Listen to them all the time, even when they aren't speaking. Be understanding, not judgemental. Above all else, love them unconditionally, and tell them that, even when they are silent. If nothing else, I love you, usually registers deep down.

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.

rm_1hotwahine 62F
21091 posts
3/8/2006 7:20 pm

I don't know, I'm usually pretty upbeat so I guess I'm operating on a 70% / 30% right now, in the right direction but could use some improvement. Maybe this post will help me improve the ratio.

Good post, trav.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]

angelofmercy5 58F
17881 posts
3/8/2006 8:36 pm

Trav....I want to think that I am the one spreading the joy. But the truth of the matter is.....that we are on either side of this fact from day to day. That is what friendship is all about.....we can share our joy when we are up....and borrow some joy from our friends when we are down. I do think there needs to be a balance. And I completely agree with you that our mood affects the mood of those around us....even perfect strangers. We love ya Trav! Steal some joy from your friends....remember that tomorrow is a new day....and you can make a choice to spread some joy.

Kaliedascope61 41M
4084 posts
3/8/2006 8:43 pm

i get the same way at CiCi's....specially after the alfredo sauce pizza...puts me in a mood like cardboard.


3/8/2006 9:19 pm

I am very sorry to learn that your divorce had been finalized, I know how many emotions that must have stirred up. Though it is difficult not to feel as if those years have been a waste of your life & time, please try to see the things that you have learned from that relationship and the experience that has made you stronger.
I have had my heart demolished in the worst manner, who has not right? that is how we all ended up here I am sure lol.
you are a darling and a true artist. create Darling, create and take advantage of this somber you.

rm_bluejade2832 42M/39F

3/8/2006 9:42 pm

well I must say I would like to think I am one of those annoying happy people you see and love to hate!!!!!!!!! I don't care though if you see a person with a frown then if you smile at them or even start up a conversation 9 times out of 10 you will indeed brighten there day......
and if not thats ok maybe it will later when they calm down...... or even get them to pass on the smile... I have a choice too every morning I wake up I think it can be a good day or bad and most of the time I elect to have it be a good day. So keep up the great blog sir, I like it alot

kisses mel

mm0206 68F
7767 posts
3/8/2006 9:45 pm

I love Cici's... they make me laugh at their customer service antics, almost as bad as Joe's Crab Shack, now there's the place to go if you are pissed at the world ... they will have you up doing the Hokey Pokey and forming a conga line... damn them !!

Trav, we all have sour puss days, But you seem to be having more than your share!!
Your usual Sunny bright, brilliant and cheery self will emerge again.
It will happen when you least expect it.

Remember you got a lot for those ten years.... 3 beautiful sweet loving kids. Remember to hold them close to your heart, literally and figuratively!
gentle hugs...

impish_pixie 54F
6867 posts
3/8/2006 9:54 pm

Strange...I flushed 20 years and it was the most liberating and happy day of my life. But I understand what you're saying...there's still an underlying sense of grief. Buck up cowboy - it's all gonna get better from this point on.....

I make mistakes, I am out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ~Marilyn

FunandFrisky79 41M/36F

3/8/2006 11:47 pm

Well, I usually have a pretty positive effect on people. But, we all have our "down days"! In fact, I've been experiencing quite a few of them, as of late. So, I understand how you feel, Trav! But, just remember... tomorrow is a new day!!! So, cheer up, hun!!

Btw, about your divorce, things will get easier! TRUST ME! I've been divorced for a little over 2 years now and it was the best decision I ever made! Hang in there!

Kisses & Hugs,


slidein2meplz 61F
1994 posts
3/9/2006 2:24 am

I've been on both sides of the fence the last couple of months, but prior to that.. I think for the most part I brought joy and support/positive thoughts and/or feelings. I've been way, way down too...and maybe right now I am leveling off a bit...starting to see some light at the end of that tunnel I put myself into.

Course, a new romance...a new man in my life taking my hand and gently pulling me up and out has helped...but by no means is solely responsible, this I have to do for myself...and for my family/friends...and for him as well. Being able to see a brighter future...a shared future eventually is a good incentive.

And what Daphne absolutely right, she couldn't have said it any better, nor could anyone else have said it so beautifully..every single word. We all care a great deal for ya Trav, and I think in general...most of us care a great deal for everyone else as well. We know you do care for people...otherwise you maybe wouldn't feel as much pain as you sometimes do, especially lately. You beat yourself up pretty good...and I know for a fact that I do that to myself pretty damn good. It's your nature (mine too)...and there are many, many people who are the same way.

Divorce is a rough situation, it equals the pain of death...same as a job loss. I think I read somewhere (I could be way wrong, but I heard it/read it once) that a job loss, divorce and death....all have an equal causing distress and depression.

So, lean on us cuz that's what were here for...ok. Well, that and man mcboobies.

~~~ Just me, poppin to say HI! ~~

rm_sailorcouple 63M/62F
304 posts
3/9/2006 5:53 am

Ah, so that is what has been up with you. It's hard to keep slogging forward isn't it? But you got to, hon


LadytoPleaseYou 64F
5447 posts
3/9/2006 6:15 am

Some days you are the bug. Some days you are the windshield. This is life. Pick the bugs from between your teeth, smile and deal with it.

PENIS CHARMING....where are you?

MissAnnThrope 56F
11488 posts
3/9/2006 7:01 am

I'm told that my matter of fact attitude brings down people at times. I just see things as certain truths and if someone is trying to be funny by asking stupid questions, I give them the actual answers to the question. Then I'm considered a spoil sport that needs to lighten up. But I don't consider it funny when a person asks "how do bricks stay up over windows" and tries to turn it into an idiot's comedy routine, instead of looking up the answer. So maybe I do suck the joy out of people. But if that's the case, I get a certain sadistic glee out of it.

Now, I feel the need to use that matter of fact attitude about how you feel about your divorce. Yes, you spent 10 years with this woman. However, how is it 10 years down the toilet? Did you not grow during that time, even if it was away from the wife? Did you not learn important life lessons to apply to future relationships? Did you not have some really good times along with the lows? It isn't 10 years down the toilet. It was a 10 year experience in life. It isn't flushing it down the toilet. It just is. Which I know doesn't help a hell of a lot. It would be 10 years wasted if you learned nothing, if you didn't grow at all as a person, if you had no good times with her at all. I know it hurts, I know it leads to soul searching. But trust me, it isn't time down the toilet.

duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
3/9/2006 7:41 am

My happiness/sadness effects only a few. Or at least I have noticed. But I do have a contagious laugh, on that makes others smile.


blondebabyboo3 44F
74 posts
3/9/2006 11:04 am

Hey, you always make me smile........

rm_1hotwahine 62F
21091 posts
3/9/2006 11:14 am

I love what LadyToPleaseYou said.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]

Justforfungirl5 49F
68 posts
3/9/2006 12:37 pm


You sound a lot like me. I tend to wall myself off from everyone when feeling down to spare them from my negativity; besides, I wanna work it out MYSELF then come out of my hole when I've gotten things figured out. I'm learning, as I think I hear you are, that letting others in hurts them less. If they love you, they want to help ... or at least feel like they are helping. So actually we are being more self-less when we let them in. Hmmm. Who knew?

It's natural for you to feel grief at the finalization of your divorce. We grieve the loss of what might have been. But we must do so in order to go on to what might be.

I'm not telling you anything you don't know. I'm just sending a hug your way and offering again ... Trav, can you hand me that brick over there?

im_curious_4u 50M

3/10/2006 5:27 pm

I'm a powerful, life altering joy to others. NOW START THE JOY DAMN IT!

Seriously I get what you mean. I do the same thing. I tend to pull away and try to "fix" things on my own. Fortunately for me I don't let things fester too long and I move on. As a bad bowl of chili, this too shall pass.

Have a good weekend Trav.

Fallic40 53M
1858 posts
3/10/2006 9:55 pm

Look to the future, buddy. Face those shorty shorts frontwards and follow them to the future.

You cannot change what has happened and torturing yourself over it will not change anything. It took me a long time to learn that.

So look ahead and approach the future looking forward to the challenge.

2943 posts
3/11/2006 6:47 pm

I always believe when one door closes......another opens up so hang in there(ya ever get tired of hanging in there?why do people always say that?)....try not to have regrets about life hanging over your will never go and enjoy each day like it's your have great friends I can keep smiling with them!...warm blessings....xo


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