The Open Road...  

travelingintexas 41M
3/6/2006 8:53 am
The Open Road...

Somehow it feels as if the wheels have fallen off everything in my personal life again. I am highly conflicted today and covered in a very real sense of “now what?” I honestly do not know what to do today. Do I walk out the door here and not return. Do I keep on in the same direction I have been heading and hope for different results?

It is what it is…

I thought I could do this. I really thought I could. However, today I am wandering blind. Absolutely blind and I do not know my direction. What was up is now down. Left is right. I am at the end of a road and I don’t know what road to take now. My frustration level is too high. I am wandering aimlessly and even losing me into this online world is not helping.

So, I am walking out the door. Honestly, I don’t know right now, as I sit here and write this, if this is figuratively or literally. Changes are needed. I don’t know what they are but I need to make them before I lose what I have gained. In a very real sense, my frustration I have spoken about over the last few days is driving this. I can’t keep on heading in this losing direction.

Scared, terrified, overwhelmed, petrified, unsure, fearful...

This is my world today...

This funk, this void is not where I want to be or where I intended to be. Every one of us creates our future and our direction. We are responsible for our decisions and our own direction in life. I have walked a fine line for a while and I am too close to the edge right now. I don’t like that slippery slope. I cannot abide that drop. I cannot afford that drop.

Some of you have no clue what I am talking about. Some of you might have an idea. I ask that you not make assumptions. Out there is a world, a big huge wide world of opportunity. Somehow, someway, I must find my place in it.

What does this mean for me here? Right now I do not know, just like I have no clue in the real world. I honestly don’t.

rm_saintlianna 45F
15466 posts
3/6/2006 9:02 am

I think you said it yourself, "It is what it is… ". You know what you need to do. Clear your mind and it will come to you all on its own.

rm_sailorcouple 63M/62F
304 posts
3/6/2006 10:25 am

you're very vague. What is it that you want?

fantasylover_05 62M

3/6/2006 10:55 am


I will not make any assumptions about your situation as I truly do not know......

The one thing I will tell you is this....

I have many many many times felt so on the edge of a precipice.. a cravasse so wide and deep it would swallow me up completely without a trace.... so completely overwhelmed... my world closing in on me (strike a cord yet?)....

When this happens... I pick ONE thing that is consumming me.... I focus COMPETELY on that one thing blocking all others out... I think about my various possible directions on that one issue... I choose some sort of action... the action can be right wrong or otherwise... and I TAKE THAT ACTION... big or small........

I have found that the simple act of taking some form of action puts MANY things in motion... I regain some level of focus and clarity and I feel suddenly more motivated...

The end result is before I know it I am moving FORWARD and begin dealing with other issues....... and I gradually gain momentum until before I know it I am back scrambling my way out of the hole!!

"Every journey begins with a single step"

Take that step my Friend.... it does not matter which exact direction that first step is... it will become clear soon enough where you are headed!!

aascrompn 42M
6444 posts
3/6/2006 11:03 am

Trav - This has been a few days coming? Give it a few more. It's when you submit to the unknown that things happen. They say if you want love you have to not look for it, right? In whatever your anxious about (I think this is the best word I can describe it as) it will not just pop into your head. I actually have to just submit, get pissed off, and allow myself to say that I don't know. As a guy, this sucks. Guys have to have solutions for everything. It's what we do, according to that damn Men are from Mars and Women are from Hell (something like that). I agree that if you go down the same path expecting different results you might be unhappy. However, walking away from it all together is not you. You've fought too hard to be where you are. Don't give it up.

Kaliedascope61 41M
4084 posts
3/6/2006 11:23 am

Its like the rest of the world is out there and you just can't reach it.

rm_1hotwahine 62F
21091 posts
3/6/2006 11:54 am

Ride it out, babycakes. The underlying questions are valid and need answers, yes. But the intensity of the fear is a temporary shading. That part will pass in a day or so. The frustration over not having the clarity that you need is real. But your chemicals are fucking with you right now. Ride it out for another day and then we (whomever you want the we to be) will brainstorm with you.

Walking out the door is a good metaphor, btw. There's some real meat to that one.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]

a_poetman 45M

3/6/2006 12:01 pm

Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully it will be better my man. Good luck to you!

You gotta just keep on going...keep on doin...

LadytoPleaseYou 64F
5447 posts
3/6/2006 1:00 pm

and this too, must pass

PENIS CHARMING....where are you?

papyrina 51F
21133 posts
3/6/2006 1:47 pm

i'm where you are now,hugs hun

I'm a

i'm here to stay

rm_goddess1946 105F
13518 posts
3/6/2006 2:09 pm

confident that you will move through this..
sending you a little light to help you see clearly. now.

Just a little food for thought.............
If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you...

rm_1hotwahine 62F
21091 posts
3/6/2006 2:15 pm

    Quoting sweetneeds2:
    Forgot why I wants Her PANTIES BACK.....what do I have to do to get'em back
pssst...sweetneeds...I found them and snuck them back out earlier.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]

TTigerAtty 62M

3/6/2006 2:30 pm

Hey BIG GUY! I don't know what's buggin' you, but I do know you are a creative, intelligent and wise man, so I know you will figure things out and get moving in some direction very soon. I liked the advice given above by fantasylover_05 too ... just get movin' in some direction. Once movin', like a vehicle, you'll be able to start steering yourself in the right direction, the direction that is best for you. Another thought for you, Trav, remember what they say about FEAR. It stands for False Expectations Appearing Real. You may be imagining bad or undesirable outcomes that are just not REAL! Move ahead like the BIG TEXAN you are! And if you do move in the wrong direction at first, fuck it! You can always back up and go in a different direction! The LORD does not want any of US to be fearful in life! All the best!

TabithaElectra79 37F

3/6/2006 2:44 pm

You have some good words here, offered by people who care, just remember that there are people out there thinking about you...

barbiebunny 36F
5597 posts
3/6/2006 6:09 pm

(hulds u tight)
Listen to wahine. Feelings are feelings u dont have to act on them.

Its good to be...ME

oldman1776 78M
3164 posts
3/6/2006 7:19 pm

Hang in there you will figure it out and take the right road.

gnr8nrg 45M

3/6/2006 8:25 pm

Hey Trav I don't know what's going on, but I've been down dark and lonlely paths myself. I'm sure many people can relate to that, but we all have our own path to follow. Good luck to you in figuring out where you want to be and your journey there.

want2play926 45F

3/6/2006 9:40 pm sucks that I use that word, I do not like to tell you that, but I find that when I get like this just waiting and letting things come to you and taking your time can help.

I have trouble with this...I want to get out of my funk NOW
I want this to happen or that. When I sit back, drink a beer or 2 or 3 or......LOL....let life happen and you will be GREAT!

I am pulling for ya Trav!

absolutelynormal 56F
6563 posts
3/6/2006 10:00 pm

We all visit the place where you are Trav, some of us more than others. This is the palce I visit when change is iminent and it makes me anxious because I don't know what will happen. Change is the only constant in this thing called life. I don't deal well with change. Reacting badly to change damn near killed me. Some times you have to let go when you know you've done the best that you can and let the universe make the choice as to what is going to happen. It's easy to say hard to practice. Much Luck, Mac

LustyTaurus 48M  
21253 posts
3/6/2006 10:09 pm

It must be in the air last post was somewhat like this...check it out if you like...some great people left some great comments.

More importantly...I really think I'm in the same spot as you right now...


something like that anyway...only you know the truth.

Peace be with you, my brother.


barbiebunny 36F
5597 posts
3/6/2006 10:30 pm

Dude I figured it out.....Its the passover blues !
Think about it.

Its good to be...ME

ShavenStud05 43M

3/7/2006 1:48 am

This may seem to be odd, but it does work:

1. Grab a spool of toilet paper and a marker.
2. Write down key words you are feeling on the toilet paper. The more adventurous folks can write sentences.
3. Use up as much TP as you can until you are frustrated from the marker poking through and getting on your hands and table.
4. Take the TP and flush it down the toilet.
5. Have a good laugh as you watch your problems go down the shitter.
6. Call me up and bitch me out for making you get marker everywhere. By then, you'll forget what made you feel bad in the first place.

Good luck and keep your head up!

kyplowboy22 61M

3/7/2006 4:53 am

You know, I have been to a place similar to the one you describe. Worst place I ever visited. It's not the same place, but very similar. I found that when I quit measuring the future against the past things got a little better. My mind cleared and I could see an alternate path to the one I wanted to take. When I discovered that what I had and needed in the past were not the same as what I had and needed now, and accepted that, things got better right away. Even today, I don't always get what I think I want, but I usually end up with what I need. Maybe the things you are pursueing so hard are not even things you need anymore and that is why they are being denied. Always here.


slidein2meplz 61F
1994 posts
3/7/2006 6:44 am

Trav....KP's words are very true...and I can identify with you every step of the you know, I've been goin thru a lot of this myself. I also know from my Buddhism...that what KP says is absolute. He's a smart one... that farmboy... listen to him, talk to to anyone of us...even me...together we can support each other as only we know how to do...regardless of distance. You have a very strong loving cyber family. Don't ever forget that.

~~~ Just me, poppin to say HI! ~~

EyeCandy33333 44F
761 posts
3/7/2006 9:16 am

hmmm cumming back to read this later darlin...

itsneverenuf2 60F

3/7/2006 11:22 am

Excellent descriptive, though! itsneverenuf2

SilkenKiera 37F  

3/7/2006 11:53 am

It must be the air, I'v felt like this for the past week.


seek_my_flame 40F
465 posts
3/8/2006 9:29 am

I really don’t know what’s wrong in your life... The only thing I am sure of is that I could have written the very same words... As if I was doing the talking and you were doing the writing or vise versa...
"This funk, this void is not where I want to be or where I intended to be. Every one of us creates our future and our direction. We are responsible for our decisions and our own direction in life. I have walked a fine line for a while and I am too close to the edge right now. I don’t like that slippery slope. I cannot abide that drop. I cannot afford that drop" EITHER... Sucks.

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