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Tale of the Knuckledragger Hair Stylist
9/6/2005 4:14 pm
Tale of the Knuckledragger Hair Stylist
U2, Sunday Bloody Sunday
I must admit, I just learned first hand what it must be like for you ladies when you come upon a knuckledragger in the bedroom.
I just met her... She cut my hair.
OK... I hate messing with my hair. I normally keep it really short so I don't have to mess with it. I also go forever between haircuts so I wait until it gets long on top and poofy. UGHHHHHHHHHH!
So I sat in her swively chair, she draped the blanket thingy on me and the next thing I knew, she had me pinned to my seat with clippers. Now, she went really short. Just clipping away. No kiss or nothing. I was hanging on for dear life in her swively chair. She gets done shaving the sides of my head and I now officially have a bowl haircut. Long on top with no less than 2 inches of shelf around my hair.
I am terrified. This started off good but she is a mad woman. I am left hanging here. No promise of succor or release. Not sure if my needs will be fully taking care of. I find I am along for the ride and I really, really want to get off. I am sitting there fantasizing about how I am gonna run back to my regular as soon as I am done here and beg and plead for her to finish me. (Ever done that?)
So anyway, the haircut continues, although my fear increases. Every little snip I have a little hope it might turn out good. Then she does something stupid that makes me worried again. Man! One step forward two steps back!
Finally she finishes, twirls me around, shows me her good work and I am eager to please so I can get out of the chair. I am nodding my head yes and making smiley faces just to get her to let me go. It is not the best haircut I have ever had, and it doesn't look 100% like I wanted it to but it gets me done. I'm just glad to have had a haircut, even if it looks like crap.
However, I will not be going back to get it from her. Ever! Anyone catching any similarities here? LOL
9/7/2005 2:11 am
Metal here...the "better" half of MISO,|
Dude I feel your pain. I was 16 yrs.old and i usually kept my hair really short so that I wouldn't have to mess with it, but one summer all the girls at school were into the guys with some hair not buzzed. So trying to get laid i grow my hair out and start combing into a clean style. The ladies are likeing it and things are good.
My hair grows and gets poofy. I realize i need a haircut, and I can't remember the last time i went somewhere for it. I'm used to just grabbing my clippers out of the top drawer and buzzing my head. So I'm sitting there going, "Shit I need a haircut."
My mom hears me and says, "you need a haircut?" She seemed way too excited. So i'm like, "yeah definatly."
She tells me she knows just the place, I'm like, "cool Perfect Cuts or Fantasic Sams."
She says, " No I know a nicer place"
"I'm gonna take you where I always go, YAMAGUCI'S"
I don't know if you've ever heard of this place but it's like high class shit out here in California.
i'm like, "nah i'd rather just go somewhere simple."
But she insists that this place is awesome you get a massage, and a drink while you get your hair cut.
" i don't want some dude to give me a massage."
"the cut and rub will be from my stylist. She's beautiful."
"Cool lets go sure whatever."
So I get there and the first thing they do is tell me to get out of my clothes and into a robe. SO i walk in this locker room and there is a bunch of men naked and they all look gay. Now I'm no homophobe but I'm not about to strip down in front of a bunch of gay men. So I ya know i take off my shirt and keep my shorts on, just throw the robe on around me. And I go out and meet my hair stylist, yeah shes a pretty cute 26 yr. old chick and I'm like 'yeah alright not bad.' So she sits me in her seat gets me a soda and says, " so how do you want it?"
I'm thinking 'shit it's been so long since i've had a haircut i don't know what i want' So i tell how i usually brush it and what my style is and thats how i want it to look. so she says "ok, this is how i'm gonna do it, take this off here and here and here."
"Yeah that should work that should make it look right."
By that point i realize that there are 150 people in there getting their hair cut, this is some high-class fancy shit. Before the haircut starts she walks me to the place where she'll wash my hair, and sits me down, washes my hair with this good smelling shit. At the same time i'm thinking 'damn this place is dank my mom really likes to spoil herself.'
The lady gets done with the wash and gives my head a massage i will never forget its like 25 minutes long. At this point i literally shut my eyes, kicked up my feet and enjoyed it. I felt special, getting a dank ass massage from a fine ass 26 yr. old chick. SHe finishes up and says, "Lets go back to the chair."
I'm like cool this shouldn't take long, my hair cut is not too difficult, ya know buzz with the clippers and a quick snip here and there and I could be done. And the whole experiance would have been great but... this chick wasn't the type to use clippers. She was a scissors maniac. She's like Edward Scissor hands going crazy with her comb and scissors. At this point i can't tell where she's going with this. Usually when somone is using buzzers i can tell when they're not doing what i want. This chick is snipping piece by piece one at a time so i can't tell what's going on. Knowing this is a real high-class place i think she must know what she's doing, they only have good stylists in here. These are like the movie stars hair stylists who get paid a lot of $$$ cuz they know what they are doing.
So i lean back my head, throw my feet up, close my eyes and let her work she knows what i want.
It seem like i was there for an hour and a half hearing the sound of sniping scissors. I'm thinking to myself, damn this is taking a long time! If she'd have just used the clippers it'd be quicker. So finally I feel goo, get rubbed through my hair. As she's rubbing her hands through my hair it feel like it's real short. I was almost asleep all relaxed in my cozy little chair in my robe, when i hear the clippers turn on. 'finally she gets out her clippers,great my fav. part i love the tingley feeling.' But its not going through my hair she's cleaning up my neck. so i'm pretty sure we're close to being done. Then I know we're done because she stlyes my hair up, which takes like another 15 mins.
She turns me around facing the mirror she asks,"so what do you think?"
I look and see that my head looks completly buzzed except for the front, my BANGS (i've never had bangs in my life!) are like super glued straight up in an over grown flat top look.
all i can think is she buzzed my head with a pair of scissors, she probably could have done it with clippers in 2 mins. I go "What the hell is this??"
"This is the NEW YORK LOOK."
I'm thinking 'I didn't ask to look like i'm from NY. i just wanted my normal hair-do, that i could have got a supercuts for $10. that wouldn't have taken and hour and a half. i can't let my friends see me with this gay-ass new york hair cut. I'd never hear the end of it.'
I look at the lady and say "thanks" thinking 'for the massge not the haircut'. I just want to pay and get the hell out. at the register my mom shells out 65 dollars!!! $65.00 for this over grown Peee-Wee Herman gay-ass hair cut, that supposedly the new yorkers like!!!!
on my way home I'm thinking that the lady never did what i asked for. She pretty much did what she wanted me to have. At home, before anyone could see me i got out my clippers and just buzzed it.
I told my mom, "I'll just go to supercuts for now on."
Every time I drive by that fucking place, I remember that goofy-assed haircut that is "SO NEW YORK".
what a waste.
9/7/2005 2:47 pm
We've all had that crappy haircut and I won't go into it here but think of this.........Maybe this Girl really liked you and so she gave you a crappy doo so that the other women wouldn't notice you too much. You know, she wants you all to herself. HA! The Girl that cuts my hair has bad days and good but what I learned is this: She is really good at what she does when my hair is long, like 7 weeks long. If I go back in 4 weeks she will screw it up every time. Go figure...........|
9/7/2005 3:19 pm
The HORROR of haircuts ... when I was seventeen I was a fanatic about getting my haircut and used to go every two weeks to Jerry who owned the neighborhood barbershop/hair salon at $7.00 a pop. Jerry decided to close his doors and go on vacation for two weeks without informing his most loyal customer ... me. In a panic ... because, of course, I had a date that night and my hair had to be perfect ... I decided out of desperation ... to try the barber down the next block. I walked in wearing my converse sneakers, flannel shirt and blue jeans ... quite the little tomboy ...|
He sat me in his chair and asked me what I wanted. I told him to just trim it up for me. Jerry always outlined my hair with trimmers so it didn't upset me when I heard them buzzing around my head.
The barber finishes up, swivels the chair around and says, "Okay, little boy, what do you think?"
Not only did I have a slighter longer than normal crewcut, but he had also cut whitewalls around my ears and shaved the back of my head ...
Needless to say, all the hats, turtlenecks, and blah blah blah in the world couldn't cover this up ... I didn't leave the house for ten weeks after that ... !
9/7/2005 5:55 pm
U definately have some bad hair mojo goin on... stop by KFC. get a bucket of chicken, eat as much as u can then down a shooter of tequilla. Mojo will be fixed... damn the things I do for you tex..|
9/8/2005 12:27 am
**chasing trav with clippers **|
9/8/2005 6:40 am
I have always kept a short hair cut myself, But I cut it myself. U can buy a clipper set for about 60.00 and it will last you for years as long as you keep them oiled. I have been doing it since 1994. The set comes with the plastic guides the same one the barbers use.. Just thiught I would suggest.|
Good Luck Mark
9/8/2005 2:18 pm
I will give all of you the best haircuts you have ever had!!! |
I am the stylist who actually listens to what you want!!!
9/8/2005 8:20 pm
My mother is a beautician. Since she is my mother, I get free hair cuts. But she NEVER EVER cuts it the way I want it done. So, now I pay for my hair cuts.|