travelingintexas 41M
1/19/2006 7:19 pm

If you are like me, you talk to a lot of people on this site and other places. Some of you even talk to people in real life, although that may be stretching it some.

In talking to these people or reading posts and/or comments on this site, you often see or hear individuals that complain because they are not having success. Perhaps they continue to find the same kind of person over and over again or they get no response from what they are currently doing. If you delve in deeper to their respective situation, you often discover that this isn’t a one time issue but an issue that has been recurring for a while, not just days or weeks.

The explanation for this you often hear from these people is “it’s the other persons fault. THEY have an issue.”

And in response to this, I typically think, “NAY! It is your issue.”

I can hear the groans now. Some of you did not like that response at all. So to help you help yourself, I am now going to repeat it.

“NAY! It is your issue!”

****Please count to 10 now and continue to read****

Continuing to get the same response or no response in attempting to 1 )find a date or 2 ) ending up with the same type person over and over again that isn’t looking for what you seek or has traits you do not find desirable, is indicative of an issue you have, not them.

Change, especially personal change, is incredibly difficult to process for most everyone. Admitting personal fault is even more difficult. We are comfortable repeating the same behavior over and over again, not because we are necessarily successful, but because we are comfortable in the behavior that we know. While this is the truth in most areas of our life, I am referring specifically to dating based on this site.

Guys, are you not getting the response on this site that you seek? CHANGE WHAT YOU DO!

Ladies, find yourself choosing or being approached by the same “type” guys that you really don’t want to be with? CHANGE WHAT YOU DO!

Men: If you are sending out numerous emails and not receiving a response or generating interest, something is wrong and it’s not the fault of others. Sit back and methodically and objectively evaluate what you send out. What can you change? What can you do differently? How do you project yourself to others? Is it a change to your profile you need to make? Completely update your picture? Use spell check? Add a picture? Are you too eager or too meek? Do you take the time to read a profile? CHANGE WHAT YOU DO! Change your entire approach, your method of selection. Do things different than you are comfortable with.

Ladies: If you are having success meeting men but discover them in the end to be jerks, CHANGE WHAT YOU DO! Change your criteria. Objectively evaluate the process you use to select partners or dates. Are you settling? Are you actively seeking out people that you believe would be more to your liking or do you sit and wait on your email box to fill up and select only from this? There is a world of guys available to ladies that have never emailed you. Dive into them and search for that gem. You might be surprised at what you find in your area.

Ladies and Gentleman: Here is the flip side. Are you confident in yourself? Are you willing to wait for or to project yourself as who you are and show what you want at the risk of hearing “no thanks.” Or does the risk of rejection scare you into settling for something less than what you truly desire? Do you project weakness and insecurity? Then expect the predators to come circling. Quit blaming the predators!

How much time do you spend in self examination? Do you blame the men constantly for their shortcoming or do you self evaluate what you bring to the table, place your requirements here with confidence and then await the right person? The direct path to failure on a site of this type is to not allow for the humanity of others.

You attract what you project. As in real life, it is in this online world. You get what you show to others. There is always the random asshole and the senseless dick pick giving you their hotel room number, but ask yourself, why do I get them all the time? My suspicion? You are attracting what you show yourself to be, need or desire.

I have heard it said, the definition of Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

It is simple. If it’s not working, it’s broken, and blaming it on “them” just ensures your next failure. Take your personal success and goals on this site into your own hands. Evaluate your current process and weed out what doesn’t work and begin to make the changes that will make you successful. Ask yourself truthfully “What do I bring to the table?”

You get what you pay for. It doesn’t mean you are going to find your true love but it will make your stay here more worthwhile.

So go on, whatcha waiting for? Go get started…

A quick THANK YOU to [blog sj365] for her ideas and thoughts in regards to this post.

rm_sj365 55F
2414 posts
1/19/2006 7:38 pm

man..i am soooo gonna quit talkin to you in IM!


rm_sj365 55F
2414 posts
1/19/2006 7:39 pm

either that or we gonna have to have a come to jesus meeting

romeoMEETSjuliet 51M/51F
162 posts
1/19/2006 7:46 pm

She says - Did this post come from the preacher or the choir?

slidein2meplz 61F
1994 posts
1/19/2006 8:09 pm

Come to Jesus I love that expression. I hear it a lot from one of my friends. oh..sorry...back to the post at hand.

You are exactly right...we tend to point a finger...but fail to see the 3 pointing back at us. Go ahead... try it.... point a finger at anything....right now. Now..look at your hand... see.. 3 of 'em pointing back.'s human nature to want to look outside of ourselves and not accept or realize that hey, maybe it's me that's got the problem....regardless of the problem...but since we're talking about men and women and HOOKIN UP....I have seen numerous, countless times certain friends I have here (in real life..not in AdultFriendFinder life) that goes from one to another to another...and each and every time it's ... oh man he was a doozy. Each of these losers... were practically cookie cutter duplicates of each other.

I discovered this trait about myself...back when I started practicing my religion...and shortly after, did start to weed out those things within myself that attracted my own "losers".

However, my answer to everything sex and male/female related is... TOYBOYS. Ya know what it is and that's all ya need from 'em.

Thanks post. Have you ever thought about being a motivational speaker? hmmmm... ?? You make an awful lot of sense most of the time ya know.

~~~ Just me, poppin to say HI! ~~

Luvwetcunt1000 48M
1258 posts
1/19/2006 9:59 pm

Hi Trav. It's been a while since I visited your blogs.

This one, BTW, is a cool one. I agree with you 100%. It's how people preceive us. You wrote it very well. And I agree with Slidein. You could probably be a quality motivational speaker (I'm serious).

Nowadays I actually use this site mainly to interract through blogs which I have come to love so much. Finding friends and reading about peoples' experiences, sharing their thoughts, feeling their sadness, it's all the more interesting to me now than getting laid!

Luvwetcunt1000 48M
1258 posts
1/19/2006 10:01 pm

Oh! BTW, that picture you posted. You DO look like some kinda motivational genious!

rm_drunkagain66 50F
11 posts
1/19/2006 10:06 pm

When do you start your job????

NSAAddict 42F

1/19/2006 10:15 pm

Thanks for the excellent post, I truly believe life is what you make of it, it's not made for you. Hope people take your advice, it'd make for a much happier group of A.F.F.ers.

Sister_Act_4_You 37F/37F

1/19/2006 10:26 pm

Okay, heeding your advice, I have changed my profile pic and am updating the text to convey the fact that I will settle for no less than perfection in any man.

Basically, if you are not gorgeous (on par with Jude Law, or even Matthew McConaughey(sp?)), if you are not intelligent, witty, ambitious and perfect...then don't bother contacting me. I've updated my occupation to indicate that I am a gorgeous poppet, damn it, and I expect no less than my perfect counterpart. I'd rather a date with my hand than you....if you do not meet this stringent criteria.

Uh, Trav, is that what you had in mind? Just let me know....I guess I will find your response in my "Filtered Folder"

Sorceror07 54M

1/19/2006 11:33 pm

the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. you speak the plain truth here.

ummm... i didn't count to 10 though

...That which does not kill me merely pisses me off!...

rm_cockmerollme 45F
1223 posts
1/19/2006 11:52 pm

Thank God you're here..........


Sister_Act_4_You 37F/37F

1/20/2006 3:35 am

Hmmmm...I came here for all the sex pics...what kind of scam is this??

DTduzDallas 50F

1/20/2006 3:36 am

    Quoting romeoMEETSjuliet:
    She says - Did this post come from the preacher or the choir?
Good question.

DTduzDallas 50F

1/20/2006 3:37 am

    Quoting romeoMEETSjuliet:
    She says - Did this post come from the preacher or the choir?
I'll be attending the come to Jesus meeting. Snacks anyone?

Efilnikufecin69 47M

1/20/2006 4:58 am

Ummm, If I post here, will I catch fire?( I know if I were to step in a church I sure as hell would!)

SpunkNLace 47F

1/20/2006 5:16 am

Wowwwwwwwwwww EXCELLENT POST.

Shelly_Marie 43F

1/20/2006 6:06 am

ok, you asked for my thoughts on this post. I think you are right. I did NOT say that I was sitting back and waiting for my email box to fill up, and I did NOT say that I hadnt looked in my area. I have done both. I am making up a hotlist of guys that are within so many miles of me, and when I am done I will start there and work down the list. I was just noticing the huge difference between when I used to just meet for a fuck friend only, and after I updated my profile saying that now I am wanting to be involved with someone in hopes of becoming something more. I used to get so many emails and now none....when I noticed that I thought...maybe I shouldnt be looking on this site. You obviously did not read my post carefully enough, and just assumed that I was sitting back waiting.

JJKittyKat 59F

1/20/2006 6:46 am

How very insightful !!

rm_Bct2Esi 50M/50F
1375 posts
1/20/2006 6:57 am

Thank you, you are a blessing, its really to bad that so many of them won't be reading this

hugs and smiles

thank you for you

sexymermaid6956 62F
26390 posts
1/20/2006 7:01 am

me thinks you look like one of the blues brothers in your pic....very good pic..


Seduce my mind and my body

sexymermaid6956 62F
26390 posts
1/20/2006 7:04 am

being it is friday the 20 th i think it its bards fault i attract them...roflmao


Seduce my mind and my body

RailBaron2 54M

1/20/2006 7:46 am

Trav, Silky Has been run off by some knuckledragger,Your Post is excellent but I'm afraid your Preaching to the Chior. The ONES who need to read it have eyes but see not,ears but hear not & hearts but cannot understand.

rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
1/20/2006 8:58 am

I agree with you for the most part. BUT, there are those that are just idiots and don't read what is in a person's profile here before contacting them. "Not looking. Found what I wanted." but yet they continue to send email. Maybe they think they are SO damn great that an exception will be made. Or maybe they truly are just idiots.

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.

aascrompn 42M
6444 posts
1/20/2006 10:07 am

I think this is a very good post... It has prompted me to get working on my profile. Thanks!

lifeisablast333 53M

1/20/2006 12:13 pm

tell it like it is, in todays world, no one wants to take the blame, it is all ways some one elses fault, man
i am so freakin sick of that crap.....or maybe thier profile pic looks like night of the living dead.........LOL

duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
1/21/2006 9:26 am

You are right. I attract married men because I blog about the one I am seeing. That could very well be why I get so many now.

Go figure. I am usually the first to admit fault when I realize I am in the wrong. Sometimes, it takes someone to gently show me.

Thanks Trav!


Cowboy_Deluxe 38M

1/21/2006 9:49 am

Just a different take.
Some women don't like me, aww but some do..
Yes some do.

kyplowboy22 61M

1/21/2006 5:23 pm

will be a fine message if it only gets to the ones that need it the worst. But people tend to read what makes them comfortable and avoid the rest. I hear your points and agree with them, but then again, I have found success on here, too. Let those who will not listen continue to deafly stumble around, it's their choice. Sure makes meeting people easier for the rest of us when the majority of those on here are taken out of the game by self exclusion. lol Later


rm_starla33 44F

1/21/2006 10:34 pm

Ok I know you've read a book written by Dr.Phil. What exacatly are you trying to do change the freaking world? The only ones that listen are the ones who are ready for change. WAKE UP PREACHER MAN!

SoljerBlu 39M

1/22/2006 2:27 pm

My best friend is a private practice Psych, and he would have charged ya'll $200/hr for this advice... how sweet we'all can get free from a wise man... Heed this good shit or not... my friend and Trav get paid the same anyway!.... Lenny

Become a member to create a blog