So Let's Try This....  

travelingintexas 41M
6/26/2005 1:30 am
So Let's Try This....

I have been married for ten years. Yup. Long sad story that only I care about. Maybe. While married those 10 years I sought that one special someone outside of that one someone I was married to. The elusive woman. Inhabitor of my dreams. WHoever she is, she has kept her distance and was not my wife. Whoever she is her absense torments me daily and I am constantly looking for glimpses of her from the corner of my eye.

I seperated this weekend. So this is to be my therapy. What is theraputic about this you may ask? Hell if I know but Im gonna get it all off my chest and I could care less if anyone ever reads it. So where to begin.

Can you beleive I am sitting here at 3:19AM. What? That is fucking insane. I have been looking at profiles at hitting the wink button for about 2 hours and maybe closer to three. Huh? Is this what happens when you have the house to yourself for the first time ever. My wife has gone now to a different city. Split up for a couple of months and then we determine the next direction. I know the next step even if she doesnt. I need the woman I have sought for all my life and while I love her, my wife is not that woman. You may be thinking, how do you know? Because I have been searching for her since before I was married and was never satisfied while married. Oh we were comfortable and cohabitated very well. Sex was good. But it just didnt ring true if that makes sense. Maybe I expect too much. Maybe I suck at intamicy and think I am good at it. Or perhaps I didnt truly give my heart. SHIT!

Where is the woman that is supposed to make my heart sing. That acts like the water stick and points my heart to her unerringly? How can my heart be sated? Why do I thirst for this shadow. (Before you think I am desperate I am not.) Where is my queen? Why do I have this belief that out there someone is a woman so esquisite, a jewel of uncalculated worth and a song yet sung in my heart.

Throughtout all my successes why do they all ring hollow because her voice of praise has not yet been added. Why do I hunger so? I am ravenous for this stranger. Ya know if ya sit back and think about what I am writing, one might expect me to burst into song any second now. Not being melodramtic here folks. Just pouring out tonights thoughts. Better than hitting the stupid wink button every time i come across nice boobs. 3 Freaking hours? Can you beleive that crap?

OK I promise to have a better direction next time. I am just currently rambling. Must be the effects of all that non alcoholic beer I chugged earlier at that AA meeting.

How honest to be to a bunch of strangers that could care less? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

ExploreMore4Me 59F

6/26/2005 7:53 am

Welcome to Blogland. You will soon discover you're in the midst of wonderful people, whom, like yourself, for whatever reason, have taken a spoonful of courage and shared who they are, what they need,along with what they desire! There is a "hidden" magic here. I hope you will continue to share. Welcome and Kisses!

frbnkslady 48F
6183 posts
7/31/2005 2:31 pm

Welcome.. I found a link to your blog somewhere else, and came to look. I liked what you had writen anddecided to start at the beginning.. so here I am..
And don't worry.. my marriage was like yours.. I never admitted it to myself till after I divorced him. I married him to replace someone else.. rebound. I never really loved him,and I can admitt this freely and easily now. Maybe that makes me sound like a cold heartless bitch. But peeps don;t know how truely bad that marriage was. And I accept all of as in my punishment. I am content now, but not truely happy. I will be when I find him. And I will make sure this time..
Enjoy your search.. T


keithcancook 60M
17839 posts
10/13/2005 1:11 pm

Hmm, so candy was down here deep blog diving long before I arrived...

Well, that is because you are now a blogging star and she goes for the roots. I deep blog dive all over the place. Now I am at your place. (Basement blogging is a lot of fun in case you ever want to pick it up)

As for your first post, well you are no different than many on here. LMAO! You shoulda seen me when I first joined the site. Talk about your profile browsing fantasies!

Yep, I winked, wrote, prayed, fiddled, winked, wrote more useless letters, fiddled... yadda yadda yadda. You know the drill.

Then after about 3 days I clicked on the blogs and have not been profile browsing since. Yep, nada. Deep blog diving is much more fun.

rm_koocnachtiek 60M
378 posts
10/13/2005 1:18 pm

Ha! keithcancook quit writing letters cuz no one answered his pitiful pleas for a meeting! What a loser!

Is this just another trick by keithcancook
to get his text on television?

keithcancook 60M
17839 posts
10/13/2005 1:19 pm

How many times do I have to tell you to GET BACK IN YER BOX koocnachtiek!!!

rm_koocnachtiek 60M
378 posts
10/13/2005 1:22 pm

Well, there he goes. Off to paint up someone elses basement. Maybe this time I will finally get the last word....

Is this just another trick by keithcancook
to get his text on television?

tillerbabe 56F

1/6/2006 3:05 am

Did I say you were a hottie?

madkitten 53F
291 posts
1/19/2006 2:40 pm

Been blog wandering tonight, dont visit very often these days, but I hope you find your Queen of Hearts, not very upto date, so you might of already and Im sure you will make her a fine King.

keithcancook 60M
17839 posts
2/12/2006 4:54 pm

    Quoting travelingintexas:
    LOL nope i got the last word.... i do need to do this on some other peoples though....
Yeah, I have seen you in some other basements, trav. I backtracked once and found you following me one day. The funny thing is, I found out about that day 3 months later.

Deep blog diving is a dangerous biznis. You do get the last word in most basements... eventually


2/18/2006 5:04 am

How cool Trav, your first blog.

TTigerAtty 62M

3/14/2006 1:25 pm

Trav, I thought I'd check into this "deep blog diving" thing. Your situation on 6/26/05 when you wrote your first posting, reminds me of where I was in February of 1992. I was just separated after 18 years of marriage. No computer in the house, and I surely didn't know anything about blogging! I coped the old-fashioned way. I did the things that manly men do when just separated. No girly man response from me! I went out on the town and got drunk!

I'm glad you found blogging as a way to work through some issues on your own. My ex and I tried counseling. It doesn't work unless both parties want it to work. I don't know if you have or are going through any counseling. Beware of counselors! My experience was that some have beliefs and values different from your own. In the end, we have to work through it in our own minds anyway. Blogging helps to do that!

One particular counselor where I live has a vanity license plate: NO EXIT. It means that there is no convenient escape or EXIT from things which torment us and occupy our thoughts. We can't run from ourselves. We have to stay and deal with the "emergencies" going on in our lives and in our minds and we have to come to terms with them.

All the best, my friend, as you work things out for yourself! My thoughts and prayers are with you!

sweetandspicy570 59F
2832 posts
11/17/2006 1:02 am

Hi again. I never heard the term "deep blog diving" before this. But when I find a new blog, I have to go back to the beginning. As I said on your Halloween post, I hope I get to read a lot of this before you leave (IF you do, or maybe I didn't understand your most recent post). Anyway... I was touched by your first post and am looking forward to following you on your journey.
Kisses, Spicy

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.----Dr. Seuss

rm_1hotwahine 63F
21091 posts
12/9/2006 3:38 pm

I'm poking around your blog basement because I'm working on a project. If I ever finish it, this comment will make sense.

It involves a song that starts, "I remember the beginning, we were younger then..."

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]

frangipanigal 45F
10406 posts
12/30/2006 4:09 pm

There's quite a party in your basement Trav! Now why doesn't that surprise me in the least.Seems lots of peple want to know more about you and your journey...

Frangi x

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