One Last Thought to Ponder....  

travelingintexas 41M
9/4/2005 5:23 pm
One Last Thought to Ponder....

Background Music:
Something Sheryl Crow

OK if I look back over the past 20 years and delve into each of the women that I have dated, I would have to conclude 75% were insane or crazy in some way. Just trust me on this!

Now, here is my question and then I am going to get something to eat because my McManboobs are shrinking.

Do we attract a certain type of person by BEING who we are OR do we SEEK a certain type of person?

Any thought's on this?

Ana_6973 43F

9/4/2005 7:34 pm

I sometimes think we subconsciously seek a certain type of person. Hate to give the shrinks any kudos but they may have something going when they point out that girls tend to seek men like their fathers and men women like their mothers (at least in hetero relationships. Is it vice versa for homosexuals?). I'm not saying that we find our parents sexually attractive so much as those are the members of the opposite sex we have the most exposure to in our lives typically and so they are the first member of the opposite sex we love, even if it is a parent/child love. There are traits our fathers or mothers possess that we seem to subconsciously seek in the person with whom we want to be with for the rest of our lives. Now, whether we are seeking good or bad traits, that is another story. But I also think that when you realize that you are seeking something in another person that is a negative thing and leads to bad things happening, you can change that. It takes a lot of work but it can be done.

~~"I can scream as loud as your last one, but I can't claim innocence."~~

bella_ 47F
4030 posts
9/4/2005 7:40 pm

We seek certain least I do..and each and every time they dont work for me...non mcmanboobs...are those the type the Mcdonalds produces?? I am too old for these new terms!

duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
9/4/2005 8:31 pm

I know I seek certain types and I attract certain types by being who I am. It works both ways.


Whispersoftly5 52F
15176 posts
9/4/2005 9:23 pm

I'm new to posting here but could not pass this question by. I think we search out certain types. I also think we attract certain types with our actions, words, body, language, etc. I think we can get caught by going with what we know and are comfortable with regardless of if that type of person is good or bad for us or will make for a healthy relationship. I also think we can evaluate and recognize what doesn't work for us and make a point of moving away from that pattern. I've worked hard on that and so far it has been very rewarding.

On a different note, I stubmled across your blog the other day and have been reading away - your honesty is wonderful and there have been some things I've read that have really hit home/that I can relate to. Great blog!

(Juan S)
2642 posts
9/4/2005 9:36 pm

Traveling... first time on your blog...seeing as how I accidentally touched your hinney during our orgy with womenlooking4fun, I thought it was the least i could do to visit...

I have a certain image in my mind and have had forever, unfortunately the majority of my relationships were quite the opposite of what was in my mind. This time I am trying to be true to that image. Great question

Whispersoftly5 52F
15176 posts
9/4/2005 9:41 pm

I guess I should have read the responses to the question before posting. Ana_6973 and I said about the same thing. But I think Ana might have put it a little better! LOL! : )

rm_texassally 58F

9/4/2005 10:45 pm

before I answer this .... I have to know .... did my goof ass e mail create this blog? LOL


HotBloodedTex 50F

9/5/2005 3:10 am

There was a time I believed that because I had my detailed and organized list of the top twenty desirable “qualities and characteristics" that I was going to find a man that matched my list. What I found is like attracts like, or as grandmother used to say, "Birds of a feather..." My experience is yes, we attract those with whom we are most like... and that have been quite an awakening!

What do you think? Does like energy attract or can we find our partners based on a list? Or have you found another solution?

Hot Blooded Tex

DefiniteTrouble 50F

9/5/2005 4:54 am

My experiences have dictated that we attract those who are most like us. For example, and this may sound weird to many, the majority of men I've dated over the years have either been an Aries or a Leo. And if you read astrology characteristics at all, you know these are 2 powerful combinations, physically, emotionally, and financially. No, I don't seek these men out, and aren't usually made aware of their birthdate until it's casually mentioned some time later. There's often some kind of magnetism I can't explain when we cross paths.

I have to agree with Ana as well. We are often attracted to mates who have similar characteristics to our parents. My psychology background verifies that this is very common. After I've dated a man for awhile, I'll start to notice little things that remind me of my Dad, and it's comforting.

I guess I'd have to say a little of both T...we seek and attract certain types whether it's intentional or not.

EroGenOusKitty 41F

9/5/2005 7:35 am

You have to read this book called "Soul Mates and Twin Flames: The Spiritual Dimension of Love & Relationships" written by, Elizabeth Clare Prophet (very quick read for 7$)...You might not be into the the belief pertaining to "soul mates" ect. but it explains reasonings that make complete sense. Now from my professional side, I would answer...Seek
Dreaming in Color and Living in Texture..Ero

five_speed 41M

9/5/2005 10:11 am

I think it is a little bit of both, but I don't think they are equal. It depends on the person.

Some people pursue relationships very actively and aggressively. These people are seekers, but they also have to be attracters to some degree - no matter how good a fisherman you are, you still need bait.

The flip side of the coin is those more passive folks, the ones who draw others to them more often than they seek another out. Then once they've drawn people in, they show seeker traits when they decide who to keep around and who to push away.

As for myself, I'm an attractor. I have never chased a woman or worked to draw friends in my life. I just go where I want to go, do my own thing, and stay busy being me. I don't hit on women or try to impress them (although I confess I do like to flirt.) I always draw people to me, whether I want to or not.

rm_txrose4uNTX 57F
3289 posts
9/5/2005 10:38 am

Judging from the fact that my husbands have all been very different (from country boy to rough neck boy to northerner boy); I would have to say that we draw certain kinds of people, I guess.... although there are certain qualities that I adore...

Hmmmm.. that is very tough.... I think I just hadn't found exactly what I am looking for... but, what I look for is found in the soul....


ThumbChickStool 33F

9/5/2005 10:44 am

I really can't tell you honestly. All I know from my personal experience is that I have no set pattern for the men I've dated. I've gone with men who were exactly like me and those relationships never really went anyhere. My current sweetie, my husband, is my complete polar opposites. But he's nothing like my father. My mom says he is, but I'm not seeing it. And I've dated men in between the two extremes. It's all a matter of personal taste, I think.

onelittlesecret 33M
1579 posts
9/5/2005 11:55 am

I really have no idea about your question (I've never been in a serious relationship), but I was shocked by what you said. I always thought my boobs were Kentucky Fried...

rm_CookieLips2 61M

9/5/2005 3:38 pm

Traveling, We do both, we attract certain kinds of people because of who we are and who we hang out with. You know, it's a saying I once heard, "You are who your Friends are". As far as seeking certain types of people goes......I think we limit ourselves and our relationships by seeking out people types that we think are what we desire. When we do this we eliminate a lot of prospects from our lists. You know, I don't have a type of person that I am attracted to. There are good qualities in people we meet every day but because they are not our type we never give them a second thought.

rm_texasgal1978 45F
225 posts
9/5/2005 5:33 pm

I think we end up seeking a certain type of person. I have attracted men from truck drivers named Bubba to nuclear physicists( 2 to be exact) but I normally end up with a cop, fireman, or a man in uniform( once I date someone from the Air Force I will have rounded out the armed forces not including the National Guard).The ones that have caught and held my attention have all had certain personality traits so I know that I must be seeking that in them.

The part I need to work on his looking deeper into the others to find different traits attractive cause I haven't found a keeper in the ones that have caught my attention yet. What I sought from them drives me away in the end.

justforfun2731 40F

9/5/2005 6:49 pm

I tend to agree with the crowd we attract a certain type, or people with certain traits, but I don't think it always relates to our "father figures". My father was one that expected his food on the table when he got home from work, the house in perfect order etc. (my mother IS divorced for those pissed off women reading) but I tend to attract mamma's boys, men that need a women to make up thier minds for them. After much self analysis, I am still you seek these women thinking you are going to "be good for them" or fix them in some way, or do they just see a like soul??
Or maybe they are seeking father figures, and you fit the bill??

frogger1995 39F

9/5/2005 8:46 pm

Definitely both. OUr personalities attract a certain type (I attract men who like nerds with big boobs) and we naturally (subconsiously) seek out a certain type (I seek out guys who loose interest early on).

I think your real problem is, like 90% of the male sex, you just don't understand women.

rm_texassally 58F

9/5/2005 9:12 pm

mzhunyhole... I think you and I have to much in common... we need to burn those damn stamps... or bleach out the tats... I'm sick of the fucks... would love to meet a man that has a backbone to go along with his boner... LOL ... btw.. I'm drunk... so take this in the clouded vision it's been given...

gent_tx_05 45M

9/5/2005 10:41 pm

Funny thing here...I was at one time working towards being an LCD(Licensed Chemical Dependency) Counselor. There was a saying about relationships amongst addicts...don't take this wrong but interpret it with an open mind cause I think it applies to everyone was sick people attract sick people. That can be interpreted several ways. I was never an addict growing up.....but time after time I ended up with a girlfriend that was nearly an exact copy of the one I'd had before(no matter how different she appeared when we first got together)....Maybe the problem is us? Are we shaping and molding them? Or is that just the type of partner we attract? Whatcha think?

Barbiebunny69 43F

9/6/2005 12:20 am

actually ive had better success at putting names in bingo balls in a big tumbler and the ones that come out..I date.

Cosmically speaking grasshopper, change your focus, change the kind of girl u get.


sweetthang2877 39F
534 posts
9/6/2005 12:34 am

I believe that both are true in this respect:
That we seek out a certain type and therefor we give off the signals more to attract that specific type. Some of us learn from our mistakes and change the signals when we figure it out, some of us just keep throwing those same signals and keep reeling in the bad ones...gotta work on that!
As for Ana's belief that we go for the ones like our parents, few of the men I have dated were anything like my father. I believe though that many people do. Doesn't the Oedipes (SP?) Complex relate here on some level?? Not in the fact that we want to sleep with our parents but more like we want that same comfort from a mate that we had as a child.
Sorry about the ramblings....

KhaosKitty 42F
123 posts
9/6/2005 9:49 pm

It's a bit of each. Most of us seek someone who - in some way - reminds us of our parent of appropriate gender. Because of that, people whom we remind seek out us as well. It's a lovely little mess at times. But if you can figure out what positive things you are looking for and what negative things you can't stand, then you can weed out the insane ones.

75%? Sounds to me like you got off easy, sweetheart! I'm running at about 95% myself.

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