Just in Time!!! Christmas Blogland Chess Set!  

travelingintexas 41M
10/18/2005 6:36 am
Just in Time!!! Christmas Blogland Chess Set!

Background Music:
Hootie and the Blowfish, One Love

I received my monthly porn in the mail yesterday. No, no, no. I am too cheap to pay for the articles. My articles include the captions from Adam and Eve’s sales catalog. Plus it’s free. Free porn. Just what I need. It’s one step up from the JC Penny’s catalog. Yup. My favorite growing up was the JC Penny’s catalog and occasionally the National Geographic. Hence my fetish for African women with big boobage and neck rings, but I digress.

Am I interested in the movies they sell? Nah. I am however interested in the Pecker Cupcake Pan, the Booby Cake Pan, Edible Shorty Shorts, Brianna Banks Erotic Love Doll and my current favorite, the Clone-A-Willy Kit. I kid you not. Here is the caption for this product:

Immortalize your boner with this erection-molding kit! It has everything you need to make a soft rubber dildo of your hard penis ‒ with optional vibrations to please her like never before. Just add water to the molding powder, insert your erection into the warm mixture, then slide off the mold and pour in the liquid rubber. You’ll have a highly-detailed replica of your own cock in just a few hours, for DOUBLE the frisky fun! (HINT: Insert the vibe to make your “clone” BUZZ!) Great instructions and 24-hour hotline make it so easy. Latex-free, hypo-allergenic and safe to use on any penis.

OK. Now why didn’t I think of this. Immortalize your boner? HA! As if that’s what the world needs. Me immortalizing my weenie. Actually, I thought it was pretty cool, until I got to the line about “great instructions and 24 hour hotline” and little alarm bells went off in my head! That translates into “instructions written by someone in Malaysia that can’t read English and knows he is screwing over the stupid , idiot from Texas. I also have image of him rubbing his hands together saying “Ha Ha silly white man!” (This being the only words he knows to say in English.)

I am cool with him thinking I am an idiot and can’t read badly parsed English instructions. However, what bothers me most is the idea of a hotline. As if I would ever… let me repeat, EVER, call the hotline. “Ummmmmm yes… my weenie is in the molding powder mixture, what do I do now? Why am I breathing hard? Trying to stay hard while I talk to you on the phone and keep it in the mixture you idiot! By the way, can you call me sweetie a couple of times?” My luck, I would get a guy that hates men and he wouldn’t call me sweetie! Think about it, your trying to stay hard, on the phone asking questions, embarrassed and worried your mold isn’t really gonna immortalize you.

So you pull it out of the refrigerator after letting the mold sit for a while and its actually looks like a weenie mold for a green plastic army man. Plus, knowing me, I am gonna have tons of this molding powder mixture left over. So what do I do? I go capitalist on your ass! Ah, yes, the Christmas spirit is amongst us!

For a limited time only, you too can have a Travelingintexas Weenie Mold Chess Board!!!

Just in time for the Christmas holiday’s, place your order for a immortalized Traveling Weenie Chess set with all your favorite pieces of... molded latex.

There’s the King! 4 inches of his immortalized Kingliness! Wears a Burger King Mask as all Kings should!

The Queen! 6 inches because she is wearing heels!(Painted to look like [blog bella_]if drawn in the Sistine Chapel as an angel!

The Knight! 5 inches of hardened weenie mold, and additional Street Howitzer with phospherous load! A molded weenie piece in the shape of a 5

The Rook! 7 inches of dominatrix opened can of whup ass on heels! A pink bunny shaped weenie piece!

The pawn! 3 whole inches of man! Otherwise known as my ordinary weenie mold.

Supplies are limited so get yours today!

Dear Brianna Banks, if you are a member, please email me! (WHAT? If ya don't take advantage of the lists occasionaly, whats the use? ***chuckles***)

Cruella, love the new picture! Youse is hot baby!

This is just a joke!!!! Not a real ad!

goddessofbitches 41M/33F

10/18/2005 10:17 am

Steps into Trav's world for just a second...long enough to take my thong off...set it down at your feet and coax you over to my palace for a little while....lol


Always The Bitch

(Juan S)
2642 posts
10/18/2005 10:20 am

It is official now...I will no longer eat or drink anything, when I know that I am venturing into Blogland and might happen across your latest blogpost...

LOL... and I agree on barbiebunny's new pic. Better get your butt to Cali , Texan!

elf_child 39F

10/18/2005 10:44 am


barbiebunny 36F
5597 posts
10/18/2005 12:11 pm

The Rook.. I love it... perfect
Ill order 10 sets please for all my girlfriends.
aww.. Ty baby on the compliment *blushin* xoxoxox

Its good to be...ME

five_speed 41M

10/18/2005 12:18 pm

DT, don't get any ideas. I won't let any woman make a silicon voodoo doll of my dick. It just is not going to happen.

rm_pchamp012004 55M
2672 posts
10/18/2005 12:34 pm

Where do you get your ideas from? Not complaining ... just wondering in amazement.

DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/18/2005 1:05 pm

Dammit, 5...now I've gotta return all this shit to Wal-Mart! Dinner's gonna be late...

lmfao T. You know, I think me and da Bunny could actually pass for sisters...well until you get to the hooters anyway. Love the pic Bunz...

truckerwidow 46F
35 posts
10/18/2005 2:38 pm

LOL...I loved it...I got reminded of my little brother sneaking off with my 17 magazine. I could never find the darn thing. They were under his bed. I guess he loved the teen girls in their underwear...I don't know.

rm_texasgal1978 45F
225 posts
10/18/2005 2:53 pm

I actually had a guy give me one of those to "remember" him by.. he didn't like the feel of the mold and it turned out 2" long.. so sad..lol.. though he gift wrapped it for me

tillerbabe 56F

10/18/2005 2:58 pm

LMAO! Ok....I'm embarrassed, I atually had a guy "do" this and send the replica to me in the mail! I hadn't even thought of the possible uh...complications!

bulging_boy 49M

10/18/2005 3:59 pm

Wha yu say? Yu puh fing in fing. Yu haf fing in fing?

k. now yu way. way till dwy. den yu tay fing froh fing

hehehe you wih liy? Ih is byuhifahl no? I do dis to my cohk an I hav loss rouna hous now. My wiy she luv it. We pain em gol caus it gooh luck.

k. yu ok now? no no problem no moh?

righ. yu have nice day now. k?

1023 posts
10/19/2005 10:11 am

I'm more of a Chinese Checkers kind of guy. How do you feel about molding your acorns?

One more thing (which should've been my handle), I heard that you could go blind by masterbation and I'm here to tell you that it's true. Not from the actually act but by trying to focus on those little ad pics.

(Princess Lips)

10/21/2005 7:10 am



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