It is with regret that I must report....  

travelingintexas 41M
9/7/2005 7:15 pm
It is with regret that I must report....

Background Music:
Brickhouse by Someone I can’t remember

Sorry I didn’t check in earlier. I had a little get together at my house tonight that turned into a major incident. Since [blog talldarkavg1] had surgery today Cruella thought he might need a little cheering up. So when his pain pills wore off, we carted him across the street and propped him up in a chair. (Strange way to use a butt pillow if you ask me.)

Anyway, Expatbrit49 brought some nasty looking casserole thing over and I was gonna bake some cookies but didn’t know how. [blog mzhunyhole] said she had a friend who could help and when I opened the door, there she stood with the Pillsbury Dough Boy. Odd I know. Brings a whole new light to a blog on yeast infec.... Nevermind.

So I went back into the kitchen and MzHuny went into the breakfast nook and was digging through the junk drawer for something. Cruella Barbie was filing her nails and doing McGyver tricks with silly putty. In the kitchen, I have a huge mirror next to the oven and ExpatBrit was standing in front of it tweaking his nipples.

The doorbell rang and I asked Expat to answer it three times but he was busy plucking nose hairs or something so I had to go answer it. Before I made it halfway to the door, it flew in and banged heavily against the wall. Five_Speed came charging in, turned around, slammed the door shut and locked it. I watched in amazement as he leaned against the door, breathing heavily and muttering to himself. His shirt was undone, pants half zipped and he had grass stains all over himself. Was that a wet spot? Hmmmmmmmm Definite Trouble must be around here too somewhere.

So I went back into the kitchen to try and finish up the dang cookies. I was in the process of getting a "warm the oven up" lesson from the Pillsbury Dough Boy when the stinking doorbell rang. I looked over at Mzhuny and she had a quarter, clothespin and a roll of string and was mumbling to herself. I glanced around the room for Cruella but she is always hopping from place to place and doesn't ever sit still and was nowhere to be seen. I looked at Expat and he was now tweaking his other nipple…. UGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

I glanced into the living room where we had settled Talldark and he was waving his one arm, speaking in tongues and clutching his groin with the other. 5er was hiding behind the wall next to the window and kept peeking around the corner where a very obvious DT was standing outside and peeking in. Biggest bunch of useless………

So I opened the door and there stood Bella, at least I think it was bella. I couldn’t see her face because Bella has one of those fuzzy things on her face they use on COPS so you can’t see the suspects face. She wears it all the time. I invited her in and told her to help herself to the beer. She followed me into the kitchen and grabbed a beer out of the refrigerator. I walked back over to try and placate the Pillsbury Dough Boy who was starting to cuss and scream in French about interruptions. Sorry, I said, it wasn’t my fault. By this time the oven was preheated and the cookies had been placed on the cookie sheet and were ready to go in the oven.

About this time, Bella walked over to the island in the kitchen and hopped up on the granite countertop. What you have to understand about Bella is, everywhere she goes the wind blows, her hair moves and time seems to stand still around her. I am convinced she is secretly a superhero. All talking ceased when she did this. Of course, she is oblivious to it and so sat up there in the middle of my kitchen, leaned her head back and wiped the cold bottle across her neck and then up to her forehead.

When she did this, Mzhuny dropped the junk drawer, Cruella Bunny swallowed the golf ball she had been working with and began to choke, TallDark dropped the full beer bottle he had balancing on his nose and the butt pillow he had been using slammed into his face causing him to start crying again. 5er and DT kept playing cat and mouse, he pale and sweating and she with a your dead meat grin while Expat in his excitement from looking at Bella plucked a nose hair on accident. When he did this, it caused him to jump back in surprise.

This movement, coupled with him whipping his head around to stare at Bella on my countertop, bumped him into the Pillsbury Dough Boy who then toppled over into the open oven, unbeknownst to any of us.

Once I got my thought process going again, a few seconds that seemed like an eternity, I reached down, grabbed the door handle and shut the oven. I then set the timer for 20 minutes. So while we waited for the timer to go off, Bella and I talked about our day with MzHuny and Cruella, Expat started doing that making your chest muscle jerk and shake thing in the mirror, TallDark had passed out from the pain of his surgery and the broken nose and 5er was laying on the floor under the windowsill in a fetal position crying and begging for succor while DT scratched on the glass and licked her lips.

When the buzzer went off on the oven, I turned, grabbed a oven mitt, opened the oven and gasped in surprise and horror. When I did so, Bella looked at what had startled me and screamed. There, burned to a crisp, was the body of the Pillsbury Dough Boy. It was an ugly scene and one I never want to live through again. He was burnt to a crisp. The only part not burned was a part of his hat that had not been touching anything metal. We quickly threw around ideas of what to do with his crispy remains and TallDark was coming too on the couch and mumbling now about putting something in the garbage disposal. AH HA!!!!!!!!!!!

So, with MzHuny and Cruella looking out the front and back windows and Expat keeping an eye on himself in the mirror to make sure he didn't see what we were doing, Bella and I dumped the charred remains of the Pillsbury Dough Boy into the garbage disposal and chased him down with cold water and cheetos.

This is my record of the incident as I will swear in a court of law.

Signed this day, September 7, 2005.


freetime648 52F

9/8/2005 7:00 am

Lionel Richie and the Commodores sang that song Traveling...just to help ya out with the memory thing

xx FREETIME648 xx

dano6332 56M

9/8/2005 7:53 am

Trav, as huny said I laughed so hard I pissed myself

five_speed 41M

9/8/2005 8:21 am

hey man, in all honesty, I wouldn't have crashed your party like that, but I was hoping expat might be wanking on the deck by the pool and it would distract her long enough for me to catch my breath. But it didn't turn out that way. I'm sorry about the door. I'll be by o fix it later today.

rm_mtnravyn 60M
890 posts
9/8/2005 9:59 am

Ditto Lillith on the time - Great morning treat.

Theflinkychick 105F

9/8/2005 11:21 am

You crack me up...

Not all who wander are lost.

rm_txrose4uNTX 57F
3289 posts
9/8/2005 11:36 am

Dang, babah! You need to tell those Starbucks folks to go light on the caffeine for you!!! lol.....


rm_Network_Minx 47F
542 posts
9/8/2005 12:01 pm

This is just too funny!!!

__Huntress__ 55M/57F

9/8/2005 2:21 pm

Decaf ... baby ... decaf ! But not before you do a sequel ... !

Huntress ยป

leo_angel43 55F

9/8/2005 2:46 pm

All I want to know is...what did you have to eat before you went to bed last night, and can I get some????

ThumbChickStool 33F

9/8/2005 4:16 pm

Um, trav, where was I? And if you tell me I was watching the two demons known as my children, I'm going to throw you off the rollercoaster at the New York New York.

Too much fun!

frbnkslady 48F
6183 posts
9/8/2005 5:06 pm

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..... damn, to be a sexy thing like bella.... T


bella_ 47F
4030 posts
9/8/2005 5:32 pm

What is this??? I had a fuzzy on my face? I grabbed some beer and hopped on your counter top? Ohh this is great! Now this is a party! You even have me here causing expat to lose nose hair. i have been accused of much but never this!

Great post! I would gladly hop on your granite counter top any day. They are usually cold..feels good on my ass!

DefiniteTrouble 50F

9/8/2005 7:03 pm

You know you loved it 5...tell me you loved it dammit!!! (peers in his bedroom window)

playfulwithyou33 56F
961 posts
9/8/2005 11:56 pm

(wonders if they'll all be sprung from prison in time for the Blogger's Conventio)

Damn well better be, or I'll be takin names and kickin' azzes.

jim5131 55M
1296 posts
9/9/2005 1:48 pm

too funny! I laughed until I wouldn't have been that funny if we didn't actually 'know' the players....great post..

Barbiebunny69 43F

9/9/2005 11:12 pm

**sings Bella got you...Bella got you..nah nah nah***


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