I need some advice....  

travelingintexas 41M
7/7/2005 5:42 pm
I need some advice....

OK I know this may not be the norm but it is the only place I have to share it. I am seperated. Havent made the final call to say its over yet though. I want to, because I feel like the marriage is over however she wants to stick around for the kids.

Has anyone been through this before that could shed some light on this to a friend? Just wondering if at this stage doubts are normal. If my back and forth back and forth is normal? Ever stayed for the kids? Thoughts on it? I seem to be going nuts and would love some friendly advice. Fire it all off. I'd be interested in thoughts from both men and women.

Not trying to do the Dr. Phil thing. If I need to explan then ask away!

czyswt1 38F

7/19/2005 8:55 am

I'm a single mom of one, but have never been married. But, hmm, I can say this. Staying around just for the kids sake and you are unhappy is wrong. Kids can tell what is going on between their parents, even though some people don't believe it. If you sit down and explain to them that it has nothing to do with them and you still love them the same and make sure to still have a relationship with them, it shouldn't matter if you stay together or not.

But, if you think there is a chance for you to work things out with your wife, you might as well try, rather than completely giving up on the matter. You are the only one, deep down, that knows how you feel about the whole situation. You just have to be the one to listen to it and act on it.

And yes, it is normal to go back and forth with your feelings until you figure out what you want to do. It just proves that you care and still have feelings and aren't quite ready to let go.

frbnkslady 48F
6183 posts
7/31/2005 2:48 pm

Staying around for the kids when you KNOW you are no longer 'in' the marriage is sooo totaly wrong. To the kids. My parents divorced when I was 4. We stayed with mom. Dad was in Navy. But we never lacked from love from either one. Mom never kept us from him. But she was nasty about the whole thing til her dying day. Kids DO remember everything. They know more, realize what going on more then people, parents give them credit for. But, if you are NOT happy, WILL not be happy married to their mom any longer. Do NOT stay for them only. You stay AROUND for them. Let them KNOW you are there for them NO MATTER what. DON'T use the kids as your weapons against each other. They didn't start your war, don't let it escalde into one . Just sit them down, explain to them whats going on.. BOTH of you, at the SAME time. So the kids hear the SAME thing from each of you. Go from there. As you go on with your life.. they will see they can be healthy AND happy. IF you let them see this. But in order for them to be happy, YOU need to be happy first. T


tillerbabe 56F

1/6/2006 3:10 am

YOU have it figured out!

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