I Love the Smell of Napalm on Valentines Day Morning!!! by Evil Dr. Phil Traveling  

travelingintexas 41M
2/14/2006 8:33 am
I Love the Smell of Napalm on Valentines Day Morning!!! by Evil Dr. Phil Traveling

A Quick Word From Evil Dr. Phil Traveling about St. Valentines Day...

Ah Yes... St. Valentines Day! The day we all put aside our differences, love one another and buy chocolate, flowers, pajamas, cheap stuffed animals, jewelry and cards because Hallmark, florists, chocolate manufacturers, restaurants and jewelry companies say we should. Oh I know, I am being cynical and maybe not just a little bit. I just dream of a time that was so much easier than now. Think back with me if you will...

Back to Kindergarten, First or Second grade. Remember the Scooby Doo or Star Wars Valentine cards you got for your friends? It didn’t matter who got what card as long as everyone received one! Little crappy candies that were heart shaped that said “Be mine, I Lub U, Do Me, etc.”

Cupcakes... Oh the glorious cupcakes! I miss me some St. Valentine Day cup cakes. It was a day of immense delight because you knew, you just KNEW, that at the end of the school day you would get to open St. Valentines Day cards from all of your friends, eat a cup cake and drink some Kool-Aid, right after the nuclear fall out drill where the teacher had you hide under the desk to simulate the position you should assume so you could be fried to a crisp in case of a nuclear war.

***SIGH*** The Good Old Days...

However, somewhere along the way, the Kool-Aid changed. Yes, Sir, the Kool-Aid changed. At some point, we no longer wanted to drink THIS Kool-Aid! We knew better! It went against the very fabric of our genetic makeup! However, today, we are told, ridiculed and shamed into drinking the Kool-Aid, regardless of our own desires!

“Everyone else is doing it,” so we should too!!!! Hmmmmmm...

Let’s look at this issue on a deeper level shall we???

However, if you think back to our fabulous childhoods, it was actually conditioning from none other than the big bad greeting card companies. They weren’t really trying to make ME feel good or worthy! They were after my pocket book when I grew up! It was indoctrination of their evil plans to rule the world on one day of the year! (Not to mention National Grandparents Day, National Cheese Day, Give me a Kiss Day, National Hug Day and National Aardvark Day!)

(Did you really think this was learned because we as men are autodidact? NAY!!!!!)

We have been duped people! By a conglomeration of big Hallmark and the chocolate, floral, teddy bear, Pajama and jewelry industries! PROFITEERS ALL! Think of all the poor people that wouldn’t be poor and broken if it wasn’t for St. Valentines Day! If I look back over the last 25 years of active Valentines Day-ing, I would suggest to you that I have spent an average of $100 on each of those days! (not including what I have had to pay to ensure my kids are indoctrinated!)

Now, if our poor had the same kind of 25 year history, which undoubtedly each of them do, today they would have $2500 that they could use to buy smokes and beer! Invested properly over the last 25 years; today, they would be financially set for the rest of their lives! We could easily wipe out the panhandling problem if it wasn’t for big Hallmark and its bevy of commercialized sluts that have been dealing off the weak and future impoverished in this country.


“SAINT” Valentines Day!!!! It is even couched in religious terminology to give a sense of home and hearth! It is couched in verbiage that begs you to spend money lest your soul be tortured for eternity! A tinge and a hint that the salvation of your very after life is wrapped up in and calls for you to spend your hard earned money! Big Hallmark begs you to look at your very soul and then hints that it shall be lost to the fires of hell if you do not spend! Why, according to Big Hallmark and its advertising whores, your soul could be in danger if you do not hand over your pocket book to the wolf in sheep’s clothing

I am not sure who has it worse, the men or the women in this country! The women feel, because of the indoctrination of this conglomeration of Big Hallmark and Commercial Gifts, that it is their RIGHT, to receive cheap cards, bad chocolate, pajamas we will never see them in, flowers that will die anyway and jewelry that will just turn their fingers green! Guys on the other hand are judged based upon their ability to live up to the high standards set by this evil industry! Women are being used to guilt men into feeling they are not worthy if they don’t have a second and third job to pay for all this stuff! Hence, the very fabric of being a MAN is eroded for the good of profit driven, fat pocketed Big Hallmark and their Gift Cronies!


People of this country and others! Forget Big Tobacco! Forget Big Oil! Forget Big Auto! Forget Big Q-tip! Forget Big Alcohol!

This one holiday, spawned by the demons known as the Hallmark Holiday Profiteers, drive a man to smoke (Big Tobacco), drive around town looking for the perfect gift (Big Oil and Auto), force us to clean our ears (Big Q-tip) and when it isn’t done to a woman’s specification, drives us to drink (Big Alcohol, Auto and Oil!)

We are compelled... COMPELLLED and driven as MEN to seek the Goddess Aphrodite, the sexy model of lust that is declared and defined by Madison Avenue, while at the same time men are told and encouraged to feed her chocolates which will only defy the very look that is perpetrated on women? We are driven as men, with pressure enough to drive us insane, to find the right woman and then spend our hard earned money on flowers that will live longer than the relationship? Nay... good men of this country and others that have been perpetrated against! To this we say


Shout it with me! NAY!!!!!!!!!!!

Rise up! Rise up out of this dung heap Oh Weak Hearted Knave! Assume your position of rightful dominance! Leave the LID UP and stand up to Big Hallmark and its Groteseque Minions! Throw off the shackles of corporate dominance and fight the very essence of corruption in this country! This is the true evil! Spawned by the devil himself! You would be free of debt, free of pain and free of having to work those 2 extra jobs if you would throw off the heavy burden of Big Hallmark and the Gift Profiteers and be the MEN you are called to be!

You complain of not getting any! It is NOT your fault!

It is the fault of Big Hallmark and its Corporate Denizens that you do not get lucky! Men of my Heart, you do your best... I know you do! Yet, Madison Avenue, in correlation with Big Hallmark and its Bile Spewing Demons, refuses to allow what you attempt to do to be enough! Regardless of what it is you do for HER, it will never be enough! So your work and gifts are constantly foiled in the sight of commercialized giving! There is always something bigger, better and more expensive, which translates into MORE love than you are willing to give!

Who pays the price? YOU DO! All you wanted was a shag! Who could blame you! However, when what you do is shown to be less than enough, regardless of your hard work, do you get any? HELL NO!

To this I say walk into the light! Throw off the burden of despair and walk with me MEN INTO YOUR FREEDOM! Shake your fists at BIG HALLMARK and its partners the VILE GIFT PROFITEERS!


Can you feel the power of FREEDOM as you say this? It boils up from deep within your heart and soul, the very essence of your being, while freeing you to be true men of character and self worth! Coming into this light frees you from the chains and shackles placed on your heart and pocket book! Can you feel the warmth of the new day sun upon your face?

You are free! Free to be men and supplant Big Hallmark and be TRUE MEN! It is your calling! It is your destiny! WALK INTO THE LIGHT CHILDREN!

Take up with me MEN! Stand together as we rise up against the tyrant! Shout together from the very depths of your belly and from the top of your lungs



"When Israel (men of this world) was in Egypt land (local mall), let my people go!
Oppressed so hard, they could not stand, let my people go!

Go down Moses (Traveling), way down in Egypt land, tell old Pharaoh (Hallmark), let my people go!

Thus spake the Lord, bold Moses said, let my people go!

If not I'll strike your first born dead, let my people go!

No more in bondage shall they be, let my people go! And then shall all humankind be free, let my people go!

***Fade to sound of marching feet, drum and fife...***

angelofmercy5 58F
17881 posts
2/14/2006 2:02 pm

Trav....Divinity has us all a little worried....how are you going to prove your manhood? Well written blog by the way.

caressmewell 53F

2/14/2006 2:02 pm


Happy Valentines Day

_Safira 53F
11260 posts
2/14/2006 2:09 pm


I luhrrrve you, Big Daddy ... and I have the teeshirt to prove it!


This is my blog - Comes With Warning Labels. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

RECOMMENDED READING: A F F ... The Only Site For Me?

rm_1hotwahine 62F
21091 posts
2/14/2006 2:28 pm

Oh hell...you got me onto a small kid valentine tangent. Now I'm all happy and nostalgic and you're leading a major crusade. Oh well...see ya at the next phony holiday!

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]

whats4dessert2 49M

2/14/2006 2:39 pm

That was the funniest and best thing I've read all day. Great post Trav

But sorry, you're on your own. I don't know about you but I'll be dammend if I'm stuck jerking off tonight

sassybelle21 32F
13313 posts
2/14/2006 2:54 pm

Either way Happy Valentine's Day

goldinboy2 59M

2/14/2006 3:01 pm


Sister_Act_4_You 37F/37F

2/14/2006 3:12 pm




rm_PurryKitty2 48M/49F
9753 posts
2/14/2006 3:13 pm


Happy Valentine's Day. I hope I am gonna get to see you Friday.

Purry {=}


whats4dessert2 49M

2/14/2006 3:30 pm

On the flipside, those of us not saying “NAY!!!” should not so easily surrender our manhood nor should we bow down to the corporate tyranny detailed by Trav. True, we may all end up being as popular with the ladies as mimes at a WWE convention but, if we are going to partake in this thing called Valentines, we need equality.

I received the following email some weeks ago and posted it in another member’s blog. I think it is appropriate for the discussion at hand. If you Google the name of the holiday you’ll find the site. They have cards and everything. Who is up for it????

You know the drill. Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for a significant other by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and any other baubles that women find romantic. Every Valentines day you rack your brains for that one special, unique gift that will show your wife or girlfriend that you really do care for them more than any other. Now ladies, I'll let you in on a little secret; guys really don't enjoy this that much. Sure seeing that smile on your face when we get it right is priceless, but that smile is the result of weeks of blood, sweat and consideration. Another secret; guys feel left out. That's right, there's no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or too embarrassed to admit it.

Which is why a new holiday has been created.

March 14th is now officially "Steak and Blowjob Day". Simple, effective and self explanatory, this holiday has been created so you ladies finally have a day to show your man how much you care for him.

No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town; the name of the holiday explains it all, just a steak and a BJ. Thats it. Finally, this twin pair of Valentine's Day and Steak and Blowjob Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere try THAT much harder in February to ensure a memorable March 14th!

The word is already beginning to spread, but as with any new idea, it needs a little push to start the ball rolling. So spread the word, and help bring love and peace to this crazy world. And, of course, steak and BJ's.

want2play926 45F

2/14/2006 3:41 pm

I hate this over commericalize so called holiday too! I am with you Trav! Lead the way!!!!!

007sexy40plus 51F  
7603 posts
2/14/2006 4:06 pm

Happy Valentine's Day, my pet

I am the real deal! "Come Get Me!!!"

tillerbabe 55F

2/14/2006 4:12 pm

.."jewelry that will just turn their fingers green!" uh.....WHAT!?!?!?

TTigerAtty 62M

2/14/2006 5:41 pm

Great post, Trav! Spoken like a true Man's Man from Texas! I'm with you 100% of the way! Fuck BIG HALLMARK and THE VILE GIFT PROFITEERS! I have an idea how we can bring them to their knees next year! (Too late this year! The damage has already been done with chocolates, jewelry, cards, lingerie, dinner, et al already purchased!)

Here's what we'll do next year ol' boy! You will have to put up a post a month ahead of Valentines Day next year! We will all agree to not date, wine or dine, or otherwise consort with females on February 14, 2007. Instead, we Men will gather together, congregate as it were, at our local pubs, taverns, honky tonks, etc., and we will drink RED BEER and make rather merry all day and all night long! Yep, pard, you read that right! RED BEER will forever more symbolize our unity as Men on this Evil Valentines Day! We will begin a new tradition! Like GREEN BEER is traditionally guzzled on St. Patty's Day, so will we sip on our RED BEER on Valentines Day! We will enlist the mighty marketing forces of Anheuser-Busch, Miller Brewing, Coors Brewing as well as the mighty Canadian, German, and Irish beer producers to help us fight BIG HALLMARK and THE VILE GIFT PROFITEERS! There has to be more profit potential in all the men of the world drinking RED BEER for one day vs. the money spent on Hallmark Cards and sundry gift items!

In time, and this may take several years of unity among all Men, the Women will submit and join us at the pubs, taverns, honky tonks, etc. and they too will then join in drinking RED BEER with us! Yes, we may have to buy a hamburger, pizza or nachos to go with the beer they will drink on our tabs, but just think how much less espensive that will be than the expensive candelight dinners, the expensive roses, jewelry, etc.!

This plan can work, Trav! And it WILL work, IF we can only remain UNITED AS FREE MEN! When the first few Men wonder away from the Herd to be with their women, we will be toast! The temptations will be tremendous! A night of perfume and hot, steamy sex will be hard for any red-blooded Man to resist! But we must resist for the sake of our Gender!

I am placing the order for red food coloring this evening!

TTigerAtty 62M

2/14/2006 5:45 pm

Oh, by the way, I almost forgot to wish you ...


barbiebunny 36F
5597 posts
2/14/2006 6:48 pm

every day is valentines day to me..i dont need hallmark to tell me

Its good to be...ME

EroGenOusKitty 41F

2/14/2006 6:50 pm

Happy Valentines Day Precious D

pinkplaytoyz 49F

2/14/2006 6:56 pm

oh Trav, I know your "heart's" in the right place,
but plano69 launched a pretty convincing campaign for not being a Wussy Pussy...
are you willing to call yourself a Wussy Pussy for the Cause?

fiery_one06 35F

2/14/2006 7:23 pm

who let Trav eat an extra bowl of crazy this morning????? Nah I agree with you about valentines day being a hallmark holiday even if I work for the company! But I will say that I am not one of their minions its just a pay check really it is.

FeistySyn 51F

2/14/2006 7:43 pm

Trav, I can't figure out if you *need* to get laid, or you are getting too much! ... actually, I don't think I want to know

P.S. MY kiddo handed out Scoobie Doo Valentines today with those funky little message candies, so there! (seriously!)

Apparently the depth of depravity here is bottomless... don't you feel right at home?

oldman1776 78M
3164 posts
2/14/2006 9:02 pm

LMOAO. Great post.

PrincessKarma 43F
6188 posts
2/14/2006 9:31 pm

I never, EVER got a Valentine at school... could this be the root of my loathing of the phoniest of holidays?

The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma

rm_titsandtires 51M/41F
3656 posts
2/14/2006 11:19 pm

I told my wife before we got married... I don't do valentines day. Period. She learned to live with it. This year, she said that she now agrees with something I said back then when we had that initial conversation. "Buying something proves I love you" makes as much sense as "not buying me anything proves you don't love me."

Don't tell her, but I don't remember telling her that. It must have been during a moment of genious or something. BTW Trav, happy NASCAR month.


bardicman 50M

2/14/2006 11:31 pm

I printed 2 copies of this post and gave that to my daughters for Valentines. I told them it was time to end the cycle. I then printed out a 3rd copy for use if I ever have a GF again on Valentines day.

WTG Trav. You clearly are "RIGHT ON" On this one.

I am not dead yet

Kaliedascope61 41M
4084 posts
2/15/2006 4:35 am

is this a movement? or a revalution?

silkysmoothlegs3 105F

2/15/2006 6:11 am

how does one comment on such a well written blogg

silky decides just to give u a wee kiss

happy valentines babes


rm_kelli4u2dew 41F
5220 posts
2/15/2006 11:38 pm

Couldn't find a date, huh?

rm_corezon 53F
3376 posts
2/17/2006 12:12 pm

You and TTigerAtty kill me


I wholeheartedly agree that American holidays in general are fueled by companies wanting you to buy buy buy

Christmas is the one that gets to me most...seeing the guys' comments in Blogland for Valentine's Day (btw that's VD for short...is that funny?)...I never realised you poor men were suffering so, lol,

I haven't been fortunate enough to be "dating" someone on VD (hahahah) that has fallen for the pressure to actually spend alot of money...it's ME going out to buy cards for the kids to hand out and apples for the teachers...lol

Lustg0ddess2469 40M

2/18/2006 4:31 pm

LustGoddess here to say "hello!"

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