Funky Ass Mood... And other Indicators of Craziness  

travelingintexas 41M
8/2/2005 2:57 pm
Funky Ass Mood... And other Indicators of Craziness

Background Music -
Hootie and the Blowfish (Enough Said)

OK... I read something yesterday that blew me away. I won't share the whole thing with you but, well, let's call it the random thought of the day.

The Grace to Grasp Grace is Grace

I won't bore you with why I found this profound but it was a huge revelation for me on a personal level.

Talking a couple of days ago with a counselor I have been seeing the last few weeks to help me sort through my random craziness and to help bring some normalacy back into my world and He said something that I found interesting and I wondered if you guys had any thoughts on the matter. (Not saying I beleived it either which way but I wondered)

He said he had been doing a study recently on the impact of finding love or "new infatuation"

OOOOOOO SHE"S A CUTIE>>>>>>>> (Sorry A.D.D)

Let me start over.... He said he had been doing a study on the impact of finding love or "new infatuation" on the neurological portion of the body. He said during this time of excitement and new found "feelings of love" the body produces and incredible amount of (saratonin, endorphins, etc) that create the feeling of euphoria when someone is around that you desire.

The constant need for that person and "rush" that one gets during that initial period is much like a hit of heroine and just as dificult to cut back from. So, his theory was for me, that for 6 months I had been getting these daily hits of "love and acceptance" which was firing off all these neurological thingies. (Scientifc Word)

Now, when she dumped me, it was like going into Crack head mode and not getting a fix because the body is now in a major reduced state of hormones etc which can seem like true withdrawl. (Making sense?)

So I got to thinking. Twice now I have had a conversation with an incredibly bright, sophisticated and gorgeous woman online. Not even from this site. Our conversations have been incredible and it made me wonder last night as I left Starbucks. There was a surrounding sense of euphoria after our talk. Like the world would be ok and my place in it. And I got scared.

LOL Imagine that. Big Ol' me got scared. Am I willing to stick it out there to get cut off again? Truly?

Am I a "infatuation" junkie seeking my next hit?

Or do I truly want to find a woman that meshes with my soul and creates ONE person. Not just physicaly but emotionaly and spiritualy. Can I see past myself and my own weaknesses long enough to truly experience the opportunity to grasp grace from another? Or will my exsistance be one of a cycle, me struggling and failing and never quiet becoming something of personal greatness? Or do I sabotage myself with my own self talk and esteem?

Do I have what it takes to dig deep down and become? And give? Everything within me screams yes but that "self talk", that thing we all do so well that sabotages our attempts to become, says, "You'll screw it up. You'll never amount. Look at her and look at you. You aren't good enough." So we then measure ourselves on what we tell ourselves about ourselves. We think to ourselves Sensuallykatey must feel this way about me because that is the way I feel about myself. We expect and paint our own esteem on what we expect others to feel about us.

Am I strong enough to go beyond my own ability to sabotage myself and walk in greatness? Decisions, Decisions!

frbnkslady 48F
6183 posts
8/3/2005 8:27 am

Just step forth and go for it.. T


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