Durn Women and their lies...  

travelingintexas 41M
8/9/2005 3:06 pm
Durn Women and their lies...

Background Music:
Spinning Wheel by Earth, Wind and Fire

For many different reasons I have debated about continuing in my writing at this spot. I won't go into them with you but I did have the desire to write this one post here and then I shall take it on a day to day basis.

If you will remember in previous posts, I spoke of someone that I felt I gave everything to for the first time in my life. I don't know why I was able to do this, I just know she represented a security to me that I can't explain. And here is the catch, I believed her words... I needed to. I had to. In the process she left me. And for whatever reason my heart was torn apart and I have used this site to vent and make stuff up and have fun in my healing from that wound.

However, completely unsolicited by me yesterday, someone both of us know well told me that her behavior wasn't new but repeated. In her jobs, she goes after the guys she sees as easy marks, makes them believe she is in love with them and then runs back to her husband at the end.

Why do I bring this up now? Mainly because of the fact that this was a wound torn open again with salt poured in. I was almost beyond it and I discovered something, something that was incredibly painful. The walk I have walked over the last weeks is because of this: I believed in something. I believed a lie!

I gave up everything in my life, everything that had previously mattered because I believed in something. It is amazing what we as humans will do if we believe in something enough. One word, spoken to our heart, triggers a desire so great that we cannot fathom being without it. So we believe in that one thing. To our destruction if necessary. To our fruition as people it is preferred.

Be careful in what you say to others. That false "I love you" or "I need you" can easily destroy another if the words aren't meant. Trust me I know. Look what the power of my words have done to my family. Isolated me and deserted me from those that have stood beside me as I seek out the elusiveness of believing in a dream, a false tale, a false hope that seemed ever so real in its entirety.

The raw power in belief. Believing in something, whether it be God, country or a beautiful face has started wars, given birth to countries, instilled human rights and brought forth civil rights in our very own country. Why? Because someone believed so strongly in something and it was used for good!

The power of belief in a lie though can be just as destructive. Jonesboro, KKK, Branch Davidians, Hale Bop comet. Each one believed a lie to their destruction and complete end.

Be careful with your words. Guard them. Know that you have the ability to instill belief in those around you and can set in motion a chain of events that can be destructive or change the world.

My belief in words, my need to believe in those words has led to me to a place of isolation and loneliness so profound the silence is deafening. There is no cookie crumb trail to follow back. My belief in a lie charted me a flight to a destination I have never been to where I don't speak the language of the natives.

So the next time you carelessly consider batting around words that a person may desire hearing from the very bottom of your heart, know well if they are words you should speak. We are all hungry for something. Be careful not to feed the desires of another falsely.

frbnkslady 48F
6183 posts
8/9/2005 11:40 pm

I am so sorry you have had to go through this. Just know you are not alone. Lots of us have felt it. I feel for you truley. Wish you the best. T


EroGenOusKitty 41F

8/15/2005 10:19 pm

Sometimes words are not needed to be used for validation (I hear and agree with your thoughts in silence)...

Dreaming in Color and Living in Texture...Ero

frangipanigal 44F
10406 posts
12/30/2006 4:51 pm

"I love you"'s should never be given away cheaply...

I too choose to believe people when they say it. Some things should not be said unless you mean it cause you never know who might choose to believe you...

Frangi x

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