Deep Thoughts by Traveling  

travelingintexas 41M
1/13/2006 3:34 pm
Deep Thoughts by Traveling

OK.... They are not by me. They are from Jack Handy, that 90's icon from Saturday Night Live. Jess and I laughed and laughed when remembering some of these the other night. *sigh*

Church Lady, Wayne's World and others... What happened to THAT Saturday Night Live? Oh yea, he's taking over for Leno pretty soon.

Jess' Favorite-"When this girl at the art museum asked me whom I liked better, Monet or Manet, I said, "I like mayonnaise." She just stared at me, so I said it again, louder. Then she left. I guess she went to try to find some mayonnaise for me."

"A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."

"It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man."

"If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song."

"Once while walking through the mall a guy came up to me and said "Hey, hows it going?". So I grabbed his arm and twisted it up behind his head and said "Now whose asking the questions?""

"When I was in the 3rd grade, a bully in school started beating me up every day. At first I didn't say anything, but then I told dad. He got a real scared look on his face and asked if the bully had a big dad. I said I didn't know. But he still seemed scared. And just a few days later we moved to a new town. Dad told me that if anyone picked on me, not to fight back. Unless I knew the kid didn't have a dad or the dad was real small. Otherwise just curl up in a ball."

"When I die, I would like to go peacefully, in my sleep, like my Grandfather did. Not screaming and yelling like the passenger in his car."

"One thing vampire children are taught is, never run with a wooden stake."

"Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail."

"Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants."

"I think my new thing will be to try to be a real happy guy. I'll just walk around being real happy until some jerk says something stupid to me."

"Of all the imaginary friends I've had, I don't think there was one that I didn't end up having to kill."

"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

Trav's Favorite- "One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late."

Do You Remember Your Favorite Jack Handy Quote?

1023 posts
1/13/2006 5:51 pm

Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I go to their house and ring the doorbell, but when they come out, I'm gone, but what I've left is a jack-o-lantern with a knife in it... and a note that says, "YOU"

Ahem! Excuse me, [post 200896] I just wanted to invite you out to HornyViking's place for the [post 200875] weekend.There's going to be hot sex, childish pranks, buckets of blood ("That's pronuonced, 'Boo-kay'"),, and a psychokiller, who'd be pretty cool if only he could get laid.Do ya'll like my pic? come on over! let's make evil!

caressmewell 53F

1/13/2006 7:32 pm


oldman1776 78M
3164 posts
1/13/2006 8:24 pm


mangomamiCT 42F

1/13/2006 10:09 pm

LMAO too funny

_Safira 53F
11260 posts
1/13/2006 10:37 pm

"If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that's another weakness."

"If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have to say."

This is my blog - Comes With Warning Labels. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

RECOMMENDED READING: A F F ... The Only Site For Me?

bardicman 50M

1/14/2006 9:31 am

Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up”

I am not dead yet

rm_corezon 53F
3376 posts
1/14/2006 11:27 am

I was thinking about "Deep Thoughts" the other favorite part of SNL...I am so jealous you found all these quotes...surely you didn't remember them off the top of your head...there's gotta be a compilation of them out there somewhere on the net that a person can of these days when I'm not on AdultFriendFinder absorbed reading other people's blogs or IMing I'm going to have to search...

rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
1/14/2006 1:30 pm

If you ever fall off the Sky Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.

Fuck you Sky Tower, Fuck you! I knew this was going to happen!!

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.

Fallic40 53M
1858 posts
1/14/2006 2:50 pm

"Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me?"

"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

As you can tell, like you, I have kids.

I also answer my e-mails, dude. (Not that I am being a big baby here)

Jus_a_lady 54F

1/14/2006 11:24 pm

You are too funny! thanks I needed a good laugh to end my day.

NSAAddict 42F

1/17/2006 1:32 pm

Love Jack Handy! Thanks for the giggles. My favorite quote was:

"It's too bad that whole families have to be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs."


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