Bite My Ass... I Am Who I Am...  

travelingintexas 41M
posts
3/1/2006 5:10 pm
Bite My Ass... I Am Who I Am...

I'm in a mood today and I can't figure out why. I am grumpy, cranky, grouchy and highly opinionated about pretty much anything. I feel the need to pout, to strut proudly around in my shorty shorts and be manly!

How manly you ask? I am incredibly manly. I am tough. I haven’t shaved and if I did it would be with a dull rock I picked up on the sidewalk after I spit. I plan to eat a slab of meat sometime in the near future that is directly cut from a cow! I wanna hear it moo! If I was at the beach I would kick dirt in the faces of pretty boys and I like my women with big, bouncing hooties barely covered by fabric. I can take a punch and have no problem giving them out to the little girly men that like the sound of a bitch slap.

If beaten with a stick I would ask for another and then expose my nuts and ask politely to be kicked there because I already know they are made of steel. I started the day with 5 Tattoos but scraped 4 of them off with a cheese grater and then had three more added where those were.

Yup I am in a mood… Now if I could just remember what I was originally gonna write about I would be ok. I’m in the kind of mood where foreplay doesn’t count, the woman unable to walk afterwards does and there is no such thing as cuddling.

No, I don’t want to pick my dirty shorty shorts up out of the floor. The smell of testosterone and attitude is in the air, I haven’t decided if I want to shower and both middle fingers are permanently pointed vertical.

Whiners offend me. The world is my playpen.

If you find this offensive, if you feel the need to complain, if you feel the desire to gripe, hit the X button and go on home, your momma has dinner on the table for ya. Go on, git!

Today my dick is huge, women want me and guys just really want to hang with me and see who can slam down more beers than me. Heck, we might even scuffle some but then we will toast each other and smack each other on the back because we are guys and that’s what we do.

Women? I want my women to be a woman. I want her legs shaved, her kitty waxed and her nails done. I want her to walk around scantily clad in a two piece bathing suit that has less cotton than an aspirin bottle. I want her to purr. I want her ass to bounce when she walks away. I want her to speak a foreign language and only know the English words, “Yes”, “Beer” and "More.” I want to watch her lean over to give me something and while she does I’ll eye her hooties without shame. I want her to give me a blow job while I watch SportsCenter and yell at the TV.

My chest is puffed out and I know I am good in bed. I swagger when I walk, I cuss, I growl, I smell like a Man and I am not ashamed. Not one damn bit. Today I have no use for political correctness and calling a spade a “just like the other cards in the pile” crap talk.

I want a beer and I want to screw something from the Victoria Secrets catalog. I am gonna look at porn later to my hearts content, look down a blouse without shame and wink like a letch. That’s the mood I am in.

Who’s with me?

Still can’t remember what my post was gonna be about….


rm_saintlianna 45F
15466 posts
3/1/2006 7:32 pm

Oh come on, you know you sat here and wrote this in your frilly apron while your Betty Crocker cake baked in the oven and your lavender scented candle lightly illuminated the flowered wallpaper in your boudoir. Its okay to be girly sometimes.


digdug41 49M

3/1/2006 7:39 pm

less cotton than an aspirin bottle? ROFLMMFAO! YOU DA MAN I gotta give ya that one thats tight cant wait to bite that line come summer

roaming the cyber streets of blogland


LadytoPleaseYou 64F
5447 posts
3/1/2006 7:39 pm

OMG!!!!TRAV YOU REALLY TURN ME ON.....I'M WITH YOU BABY ALL THE WAY

PENIS CHARMING....where are you?


impish_pixie 54F
6867 posts
3/1/2006 7:43 pm

ummm...looking for my special shirt that allows maximum hootie learing. purrrrrr

I make mistakes, I am out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ~Marilyn


Sorceror07 54M

3/1/2006 7:45 pm

the diceman cometh

...That which does not kill me merely pisses me off!...


spinmedown 49M
3626 posts
3/1/2006 7:51 pm

I'd say you covered everything pretty damn well.
Now put your pants on.

Most people are other people... FUCKING CHARACTER LIMIT!!! ~Oscar Wilde


rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
3/1/2006 7:56 pm

Jeez...I never knew Trav could type in his sleep. Baby Brat went back to bed in his last post and wrote this one in his sleep. I mean come on, y'all know he's got to be dreaming, right?

Today my dick is huge...

You KNOW[/size it's a dream

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.


rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
3/1/2006 7:59 pm

well shit.

I obviously can't even type right when I'm awake.

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.


oldman1776 78M
3164 posts
3/1/2006 7:59 pm

Are we full of are self or what.


slidein2meplz 61F
1994 posts
3/1/2006 7:59 pm

LOL....Every now and then ya gotta do what a man's gotta do Trav.

Let it out...fart, and belch and flip people off and yell at the TV. Wipe your mouth on your sleeve...drink from the carton...scratch your ass and/or your balls...sniff your finger if ya wanna...if it'll offend someone watching...laugh at 'em...tell'em to go and do stuff to themselves...call up someone collect and gripe about the weather or the price of tea in China....or your right to walk around in shorty shorts....and keep 'em on the phone till your done. Spit in the sink and don't run the water to wash it down the drain... (eeeeeeewww)
Then when the other Trav comes back...apologize to the recipient of the collect phone call, pick up the dirty shorty shorts, wash your hands...frequently...un-puff your chest...stop growling..(ya might scare a little kid)....excuse yourself for farting/belching....tell someone something nice....and then write a new post about flowers or fabric softener.

I do understand where you are coming from Trav...I've had many a day somewhat recently that made me feel hell bent with an obstinate-pissy attitude and nearly literally did tell a few people to fuck off...people in my real world. All I have to offer is just to hang in there...that's what I'm tryin to do.

~~~ Just me, poppin to say HI! ~~


LustyTaurus 48M  
21253 posts
3/1/2006 8:22 pm

I'd say you don't have any problem today that can't be solved with a bit of money, a phone call, a cheap motel, a bottle of Viagra and a 26...no a 40...to help calm down when it's all done.

Seems complicated...stick with the porn.

lustytaurus


mm0206 68F
7767 posts
3/1/2006 9:16 pm

I dont think that is funny....

after reading the Knuckledragger... you expect me to beleive all that bull shit.... like I told ya ... you are a quart low.....

I can spot BS a mile away... I was married to the Master of it.
calm down Trav... you arent a wuss and you arent a troglodyte OR a Neanderthal.

Sit down and write ...............damn it...

you need to get yer ass out of that hotel... get out in the woods, go to the lake... commune with nature....
Dont become a hard ass...
Or do you just want to be that egotisical smartass Leo?

...m.!


rm_1hotwahine 62F
21091 posts
3/1/2006 9:39 pm

I would title this post:

How PMS Would Look If Men Had Periods

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


mm0206 68F
7767 posts
3/1/2006 10:40 pm

Bite your Ass?

As my grandmother use to say......

drop yer drawers....


rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
3/1/2006 10:56 pm

Shirley Temple my ass. I'll take Patron, straight up. If I need salt I'll just lick your neck.

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.


EyeCandy33333 44F
761 posts
3/1/2006 11:57 pm

Emmmmmm-next time you're planning to get fucked up Trav darling--maybe-just maybe-all of us should emmm get us a little drinkie or two and get fucked up too-yes-some white zinfendal for me-but that just makes my clothes come off!

U know -after the past 2 days-I'm feeling like just playing this tune wide open and getting fucked up-why not!


EyeCandy33333 44F
761 posts
3/2/2006 12:29 am

Where the f... did my tune go...
k posting it again
Pussy Liquor Lyrics

Earl had a baby,
Baby was her name.
He knew she was crazy,
Tiny was the same.
Down behind the shed,
Slaughtering the hog,
Slice along the belly,
Feed it to the dog.

1,2,3, who should i kill?
Everymother fucker running up the hill.
1,2,3, what should i do?
Get fucked up and fuck up with you.

Pussy Liquor!
Make ya sicker!
Pussy Liquor!
Do it quicker!

(spoken x2)
Baby: Yeah we liked to get fucked up.
Goober: Yeah i like to get fucked up too.
Baby: Yeah I bet you do!

Tim had a baby,
Otis was his name,
White as a ghost, totally insane.
Otis loves the girls,
Young and clean,
Drown 'em in a bucket of gasoline.

1,2,3, who should i kill?
Everymother fucker running up the hill.
1,2,3, what should i do?
Get fucked up and fuck up with you.

Pussy Liquor!
Make ya sicker!
Pussy Liquor!
Do it quicker!

(spoken x2)
Baby: Yeah, we liked to get fucked up.
Goober: Yeah, i like to get fucked up too.
Baby: Yeah, I bet you do!

Dont you know something
They wont tell?
C´mon man,
Send them to a hell.
Burnin in the house,
Spirits are alive.
A tongue lashing mama
Help em to survive.

1,2,3, who should i kill?
Everymother fucker running up the hill.
1,2,3, what should i do?
Get fucked up and fuck up with you.

Pussy Liquor!
Make ya sicker!
Pussy Liquor!
Do it quicker!


rm_1hotwahine 62F
21091 posts
3/2/2006 12:53 am

oh you little shit. just for that you will be featured prominently in my blog tomorrow.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


crazygurl2xx 56F

3/2/2006 4:39 am

where foreplay doesn’t count, the woman unable to walk afterwards does and there is no such thing as cuddling
What is it that actually makes this attractive??? YUM!


SaucyTart_36 47F

3/2/2006 5:16 am

I am with crazygurl - that sounds fabulous to me. Been waaayyyy too long since a man had his way with me to the point that I could not walk.... sigh...


DTduzDallas 50F

3/2/2006 5:56 am

lol...I had something prolific to say here, but Daph and Sis distracted me.

********inhales overflowing testosterone***********

You wear it VERY well.


DTduzDallas 50F

3/2/2006 7:16 am

lmfao Sis called you a little shit.


TzarsAmuseChant 41M
2854 posts
3/2/2006 8:46 am

just checking in. sorry I ain't been around much. I say fuck the victoria secret's catalouge. literally. roll that sumbitch up, toss in a gob of vaseline, and fuck it like you mean it.


TTigerAtty 62M

3/2/2006 1:22 pm

Trav ... It won't be much longer until we can celebrate St. Patrick's Day with BIG pitchers of GREEN beer, corned beef and cabbage, Irish potatoes, wearin o' the GREEN, showin' off our manly beards, pissin' in the tavern parking lots, etc. Definitely a male holiday! No fucking chocolate, roses, lingerie or jewelry! And the GREEN beer tastes sooooo much better than that RED and PINK stuff we had on Valentines Day! March 17th is only two more weeks away! I hope you can hold out, pard!


norprin5 55M

3/2/2006 7:16 pm

    Quoting rm_saintlianna:
    Oh come on, you know you sat here and wrote this in your frilly apron while your Betty Crocker cake baked in the oven and your lavender scented candle lightly illuminated the flowered wallpaper in your boudoir. Its okay to be girly sometimes.


...*gasps, wipes tears away, holds sides* ...frilly apron...
stop it you're
killing me !

King Nor XVIII


rm_4yousexyeyes 105F
307 posts
3/2/2006 10:39 pm

Yes.... Beer .... More while bent over picking up cotton ball... Too damn funny I love you go Manly Man have another on me!


hotandhorny107 58F

3/2/2006 11:31 pm

Oooh sometimes I like the bad boys. Wanna come out and play


rm_herestill 56M

3/3/2006 5:07 am

rotflmoao!When yer good,yer good!


rm_JohnMacLaine 50M
585 posts
3/4/2006 6:51 pm

*grunt*

Yeah, what HE said!!!!

John

"I can retain neither respect or affection for a government which has been moving from wrong to wrong in order to defend its own immorality" Mahatma Ghandi


FeistySyn 51F

3/4/2006 10:08 pm

LMFAO... you brat... and TTigerAtty, stay way the hell away from me after that green beer and corned beef and cabbage, go be a MANLY man with Trav and stink up HIS place ... blech! fucking attornys... I have been smelling their chit for them waaaay too long! lolol...

Apparently the depth of depravity here is bottomless... don't you feel right at home?
~~~~~


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