"Bulge's nuts roasting on an open fire..."  

travelingintexas 41M
7/25/2006 7:03 pm
"Bulge's nuts roasting on an open fire..."

The title has nothing to do with this post by the way. Felt Christmasy again. Now on with the real post...


“You don’t know me man!”

That’s my favorite commercial right now. The guy in the Sonic commercial wants a banana split or something. Supposedly, he has been through rehab for his banana split addiction. Something happens and the guy ends up with a banana split and his buddy is looking at him and makes some comment. The guy with the “issue” says “You don’t know me man!”

Freaking brilliant commercial. Brings me to my point.

In the ever changing world we live in, populated by meat market-esque web sites like *ahem* this one and others I visit how does one know what they are getting into?

As I release myself back into the dating scene, I notice an interesting issue. This place, that for so long helped me and forever changed my life, becomes a taboo, a stigma, when viewed by the eyes of the real world. Such an important agent of change in my life, suddenly becomes looks down upon by the rest of humanity as filth and trash talking. (I know MzHuny and 1hot have both dealt with this recently and their thoughts, combined with recent real world events in my own life, beget this question from me.)

How does one explain the extraordinary power of this place to those on the “outside?” Those that look in. I have never made it a secret. My entire family and my ex have all known since very early on that I was here. I never made it a secret. They don’t agree (except Pat who used it as a tool to reach out to me when everyone else ran away) yet this is something more. It is almost but not quite, that I must conform who I am and where I have been (in conversations about this last year) to appease the masses.

Does this make sense?

Folks, it is all laid out here. Every pain, hurt, fear, hope and mistake I pretty much have made is listed somewhere within the 500+ posts. Now, most of you don’t know me and I don’t know you, not in real life. However, for those that I do interact with on a daily basis, ie job, dates, new friends etc, everything I am or have become is laid bare. That is a hell of a lot of openness to allow those that aquaint themselves with me daily to see or read.

I’m not looking for a solid answer. Just some thoughts. This place I stumbled upon. I cant deny what it is. I just worry how the impression of the site or its place in my life could be construed.

Like I said in my opening… I would love to say “You don’t know me!”

rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
7/25/2006 8:20 pm

The people here are mostly of like minds in one way or another. While we may not know you, per se, we know ourselves and in turn have a better understanding of you.

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.

rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
7/25/2006 8:20 pm

Did you buy that? I thought it was pretty good.

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.

rm_kelli4u2dew 41F
5220 posts
7/25/2006 9:55 pm

Trav, I work for a company that would fire me in a minute if they knew I was here, let alone if they read my blog. Some (a very few) of my closest friends know I'm here and read my blog. Most of my friends and family do not.

No matter how therapeutic, enjoyable, interesting, etc., etc., this place is, it is separate from my day-to-day life. It has to be. The friends I have here stay here, unless we somehow end up in the same town and decide to meet, and then where we know each other from would have to be confidential to the rest of my world.

Fucked up or not, that's the way things are. You aren't denying your life for a year, you're just keeping a few secrets. We women do that all the time. How do you think my sexual proclivities would be viewed in "polite" society?

Mermaidslut 50F

7/25/2006 9:57 pm

Trev, just think of it this way. Way back whens ago before autos, everyone knew your business. Some people are just social like that. Some people are book learners, others need to hear people talk about concepts to learn. Still, others need to hear it, and reading kinda helps with that when you have so many voices on a place like this. It is how we socialize in a world where there is constant, hourly change in those around us. Here, it is a substitute for a big family, instead of being isolated, we socialize, live, love and learns. On community blogs, instead of neighborhod blocks.

Simple really.

TheRealThing655 48F
9558 posts
7/25/2006 11:44 pm

Very well done...I agree with you. In my time here I am overwhelmed with what I have learned and people I have connected with online. It's even separate from meeting anyone. My whole perspective on this site changed. For the most part I find the people here on the Blogs more honest and straightforward than people in "real" life. For anyone to judge someone purely by participation on this site is just narrow minded..but there are many out there. Just because myspace and all those other places are so called more legit...are they really any different?

Looking4sex44240 54F

7/25/2006 11:57 pm

It's true I don't know you but I do like reading what you write. It's funny my family and friends are so against the internet, I would never tell them about this place. It's kinda nice to read a blog that you can relate to.

want2play926 45F

7/26/2006 4:53 am

Ah, but I feel we all know each other deeper and better then most people that we have in our lives that we see face to face...ie family, friends, co-workers, etc.

No one knows that I am here. I mentioned the word 'blog' once and the group of friends we had at the house all were freaked out by it. 'Oh blogs were a dirty thing on the net that was down right terrible!'

It makes me laugh how closed minded people are about this. BUT, they at around the campfire talking nasty about doing someone elses spouse. They say they are joking, but I feel deep down a huge percent of what they say is how they REALLY feel. Here in the blogs we just are NOT afraid to admit it.

I know since I started coming here last year, I have been more open and honest in my day to day life then I have in years...about my feelings and about what I really want in bed.

SO here is a question for you...

Who is more 'real'..the people in our 'real' lives or the people here?

traveling_enigma 48M

7/26/2006 7:47 am

Most of the people I am close in my day to day life know nothing of this site, or what I may or may not do here. In the same way most of the people I deal with in my day to day life know nothing of my feelings wants or desires in life. IF your blog were posted on say Meye Space or the 360 place with the same post as you have done here then there would be no stigma. There will always be those that will understand you then its the rest of the world, screw them what they don’t know wont hurt them.

Trav I enjoy your blog very much, writing it no doubt lets you let out a part of yourself that very few people in your "Real" life get to see. This week we have seen am emotional helping hand, A whimsical man eating mattress and a life dilemma, keep it up and if those around you don’t understand then its there loss, kind of like Jay and Silent Bob, you either get it or you don’t.

rm_goddess1946 106F
13518 posts
7/26/2006 10:30 am

Hearing you loud and clear..in many ways.
Is true for most of us...is most assuredly true for me...

Something from the Course in Miracles is popping into my
head right now and all I can tell you is that I have learned,
the hard way, that this is truth.... It reads:

"In my defenseless lies my safety."

You don't need to defend your believes, position, or place
anywhere to anyone for anyreason. Be true to yourself and
let love flow in and through you. Everything else will take
it's course and be in it's perfect time. Don't have to understand
it for it to work positvely. I've learned that the hard way too

Just a little food for thought.............
If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you...

2daycowboywanted 45F

7/26/2006 2:00 pm

Good job - hope you are feeling better now.

Until later

rm_1hotwahine 63F
21091 posts
7/26/2006 3:24 pm

Ok, I went away to think about this one for a bit. This is what feels relevant to me--

In General
As we get to know people (talking face to face stuff here) we do not need to open up and share every bit of ourselves with them. I find it best when thinks unfold - naturally and within its own time. So that's my #1 way of addressing what you're writing about.

When you introduce the idea of sharing this info in a dating enviroment, I think it's even more so, esp for a male blogger. I think a new female friend would be more apt to freak out about it, I mean. Right before my vacation I told a guy friend here about it, he's considering a profile, but even then - it's weird. I saw him yesterday, flashed on our last conversation and got immediately embarrassed. That's so stupid, but is exactly what happened.

And why? Because of what you, me, Huny and most commenters are saying - people outside of the blogging community of A F F simply do not understand it. They...just...don't. And if we weren't part of it, we'd probably have a hard time understanding it as well - understanding what we get from this place or why.

Okay, and here's the other part:

Now, I'm cheating a little because I know you personally (well that was fun to say!) and know that your penchant for slaying dragons might tend to get you down questionable paths now and then, but consider this --

When our involvement with this site comes to light at the right time and in the right way (after the other person should have a pretty firm handle of who we are) maybe it's another litmus test. If the other person does not have a foundation or an open mind or belief in us individually to be able to say "Well, this is weird, but I'm willing to try to understand it" then, well, maybe we just don't have that much in common with them after all.

As far as the work, community, etc stuff - that's why I continue to keep at least a veil of anonymity about it. Not that I'm ashamed of my involvement here - I absolutely and emphatically am NOT, and wish I COULD share it with others. It's the whole "they wouldn't understand" thing.

I don't know. I'm just babbling.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]

willing2tryit42 40M
1141 posts
7/26/2006 4:44 pm

Huh, We had to sign contracts after Katrina while working for FEMA, that stated we would not be involved with anything that would embarass the federal government. My boss knew I was a member of the site and told me I had to quit!!!! After 3 months of seeing unbelievable destruction, I was right back here......... if me being open is embarassing to them...... THEY CAN SHOVE IT!!! I like this place!

rm_sexxikritter 52F
2715 posts
7/27/2006 4:44 pm

My three sisters all know about this place and one has a profile here also. They all accept me for the sexual woman I am and didn't bat an eye when I told them about it. They also know that I'm giving blogging a try but none have asked to read it. I suppose if they really want to, I won't be able to stop them, but it will probably be TMI for them.
I've told one friend and she was totally cool with it. She said whatever makes me happy. I won't be standing up at a PTA meeting and making any announcements, but as I feel comfortable and if there is a reason for someone to know, then I'll tell them.

ella1966 50F
1528 posts
7/28/2006 3:51 am

God, guys I feel so in tune with what is being said above, kinda like what my fellow Aussie blogger fun1968xxx says when he states that the beauty of this place is seeing a post and thinking..ahhh, that is exactly how I feel...lioness, I echo some of your sentiments, but I am not sure "how" I can return to my marriage now, knowing and experiencing what I have, largely as a result of having been catalysed by being on this site...Trav, I can assure you, you are not alone, I air nearly all of my dirty laundry on the blogs to, perhaps to my detriment, but it is all there, too...That's what is so powerful about this place...the love/hate relationship I have with this site...some of the people have caused me emotional pain and consternation, but the blogs are just what keeps me coming and coming...please feel free to visit, but I have been in a bad mood lately, ella xoxoxoxo

EyeCandy33333 44F
761 posts
8/4/2006 10:53 am

You Don't Know Me Sir Ray Charles

You give your hand to me
And then you say, "Hello."
And I can hardly speak,
My heart is beating so.
And anyone can tell
You think you know me well.
Well, you don't know me.
(no you don't know me)

No you don't know the one
Who dreams of you at night;
And longs to kiss your lips
And longs to hold you tight
Oh I'm just a friend.
That's all I've ever been.
Cause you don't know me.
(no you don't know me)

For I never knew the art of making love,
Though my heart aches with love for you.
Afraid and shy, I let my chance go by.
A chance that you might love me too.
(love me too)

You give your hand to me,
And then you say, "Goodbye."
I watched you walk away,
Beside the lucky guy
Oh, you'll never ever know
The one who loved you so.
Well, you don't know me

(For I never knew the art of making love, )
(Though my heart aches with love for you. )
Afraid and shy, I let my chance go by.
A chance that you might love me too.
(love me too)

Oh, you give your hand to me,
And then you say, "Goodbye."
I watched you walk away,
Beside the lucky guy
Oh, you'll never ever know
The one who loved you so.
Well, you don't know me
(you don't love me, you don't know me)

Anyone ever feel like that? Great tune-marvelous singer!

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