My, how time does fly. Or does it?  

topekatop2 59M
7 posts
5/23/2005 7:28 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

My, how time does fly. Or does it?

I was fired last year from a job I had had for 29 years. It took its toll on me, mentally physically, sexually, and, to me, most important of all, spiritually. I felt so down I could not find my way up. I felt that no one could relat to what I was going thru. I gained weight, because I was not moving at the fast pace that I had for 29 years. I felt that God, or my Higher Power, had completely forsaken me, and put me in this strange place.
Worst of all, I did not feel attractive or sexual. I felt ugly and repulsive. It's a real-eye opener to find out that one's succcesses in life can be so related to one's confidence in their sexuality. I didn't feel like jacking off, which, for me was a daily release of tension, and an enjoyable self-pleasure. I enjoyed the group sex that I had. I loved being with a man, if even for a little while, and I gained a reputation of a good lover. Trouble is, that I was the good lover, I was the one taking care of others' problems, I was the one keeping my family from arguing at times. I was the one who usually instigated sex. When the job was lost, so was my confidence in all these things. I had not learned how to take care of myself, it was usually with others. I had no urge to do any of this, and was surpised when I discovered that all the confidence I had had been completely depleted because of the job loss.
I still don't feel very attractive sexually, but am finaly working on that. I finally got a job, nowhere near the pressure or bindings that my previous job had, and it pays a lot less than I was making. But the biggest difference of all, is that I am finding confidence within that does not depend on my job.


12/2/2005 4:47 pm

Man, your blog really hit home for me. Lost my job after 17 years, (should say got fired) this happened in January of 1995. Life is never the same,but it does go on. Some things are better than before, some not. Hang in there.

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