wheres the anal lube ...  

tipadee 35F
1316 posts
2/17/2006 9:57 am

Last Read:
12/14/2006 4:11 pm

wheres the anal lube ...

In light of this being such a discustingly sweet and romantic month, I thought I'd share the joys of marriage with you all ...

What Every Man Expects:

1. Always beautiful and cheerful - Could have married movie star but wanted only you.

2. Hair that never needs curlers or beauty shops.

3. Beauty that won't run in a rainstorm.

4. Never sick - just allergic to jewelry and fur coats.

5. Insists that moving the furniture by herself is good for her figure.

6. Expert in cooking, cleaning, fixing the car or TV, mixing drinks, painting the house and keeping quiet.

7. Favorite hobbies: Mowing the lawn and shoveling the snow. Hates charge plates.

8. Her favorite expression "What can I do for you, dear?"

9. Thinks you have Einstein's brains but look like Mr. America.

10. Wishes you would go play poker with the boys so she could get some sewing done. Loves you because you're SO-O-O Sexy.

What He Gets:

1. She speaks 140 words a minute with gusts up to 180.

2. She once was a model for a totem pole.

3. A light eater - As soon as it gets light she starts eating.

4. Where there's smoke, there she is - cooking.

5. She lets you know you only have two faults - everything you say and everything you do.

6. Her hair looks like an explosion in a steel wool factory.

7. The last time she used a broom was to fly somewhere.

8. If you get lost, open your wallet - she'll find you.

9. She fights with the neighbors just to keep in practice until you get home.

What Every Woman Expects:

1. Forever handsome, caring, and romantic.

2. The virility of an 18 year old.

3. Always remembers special dates - Birthday's, Anniversary's.

4. To dine out more than once a year.

5. Send flowers for no reason.

6. Favorite expression: "Honey, those few extra pounds means there's just that much more to love.

7. A cuddle in the middle of the night.

8. A wizard in the kitchen, at doing the laundry, cleaning the house, and in the Stock Market.

9. An impromptu "I Love You."

What She Gets:

1. He hugs his pillow more than you.

2. His idea of dining out is a hamburger and fries.

3. He has to comb his hair from the back, forward, to hide the bald spot.

4. He hasn't said those 3 words in so long, you have to play "Charades" in order to hear them.

5. He can't remember what the words "Vacation Together" mean.

6. He lets you know that he may need to put Heavy Duty Shocks on the car, only on your side.

7. He says "I was going to send you flowers, but . . .
~ the ones I wanted were out of season".
~ they were all out of roses".
~ I couldn't find a florist".

8. He carries a picture of his mother in his wallet.

craptoast 39M

2/18/2006 6:19 pm

potatoes. you forgot the potatoes.

rm_cant_be_true 38M

2/18/2006 10:27 am

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
- George Carlin

Come on in, and try not to ruin everything by being you. As Good As It Gets

caressmewell 53F

2/17/2006 9:59 pm

LOL, I so needed the laugh.

AtomicArtist0 45M
6015 posts
2/17/2006 6:01 pm

I've seen that photo...the anal lube is far right in a huge jar.

3. A light eater - As soon as it gets light she starts eating.

6. Her hair looks like an explosion in a steel wool factory.

those two were hilarious! Yer the best!

MrNuttz05 49M

2/17/2006 3:05 pm

You are HOT! Now, does YOUR kitchen has smoke in it?

skyking412004 53M
5363 posts
2/17/2006 1:32 pm

_____Yet more reasons to never get married. Keep em comin.

saddletrampsk 54F

2/17/2006 11:49 am

good one..I needed a laugh..thank you..

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