If the Book of Mormon had been written by Dr. Seuss  

tipadee 35F
1316 posts
8/28/2006 6:53 pm

Last Read:
9/10/2006 2:15 pm

If the Book of Mormon had been written by Dr. Seuss

A hilarious rendition of the First Book of Nephi in "Green Eggs and Ham" format.

Nephi: Of goodly parents I was born
I've never drunk, I've never sworn.
This is Lehi, he's my dad. Laman, Lemuel, they are bad. And who is this? Why this is Sam, Yes, this is Sam.

Sam: Sam I am

Laman: That Sam I am, that Sam I am
I do not like that Sam I am

Sam: In a tent, my father dwelt

Laman: And it's so hot, I think I'll melt

Lemuel: Our father's brain is out of whack

Laman: Yeah, it's too hot, I'm going back

Lehi: Then go and get the plates my dear

Laman: On second thought, I'm staying here

Nephi: You said you'd leave and go away
Now all you want to do is stay?

Lemuel: That Nephi always gets his way

Laman: Here we are in this damp cave

Sam: We would not be here if you'd behave

Nephi: I will go and I will do
There's the angel, that's my cue
Laban's had too much to drink
Now he'll lose his head, I think

Nephi: Look what I found, a brother from the quorum

Sam: We will take him home, we will call him Zoram

Lemuel: Oh great, another pathetic life form

Laman: Our gold and silver we have spent
I do not like it in this tent

Lemuel: I cannot read the Liahona
I must have drunk too much Corona

Laman: We hate it here, we have no lives

Lehi: Then go back to the city and get some wives

Lehi: A tree, a tree, I see a tree
The fruit is white, the fruit is free
A floating building, could it be?
Why do they laugh and stare at me?

Laman, Lemuel, come and see

Laman: We will not eat your precious fruit

Lemuel: We will not wear a tie and suit

Laman: We will not help you build your boat

Lemuel: We do not think that it will float

Laman: No not this boat, it will not float
Not even in a shallow moat
I do not care what Nephi wrote

Lemuel: We will not eat your fruit I say

Laman: We will not eat it on a tray

Lemuel: And we won't eat it in a tent
Not even if your clothes you rent

Laman: We'd rather have a can of spam
L & L: We will not eat it, Sam I am

Sam: You do not like it, so you say
Try it, try it, and you may
Try it and you may I say

Laman: Sam, if you will let us be,
We will try it, you will see

L&L: Say, we like this fruit of life
Sorry that we caused such strife
You've saved us from an awful jam
Thank you, thank you, Sam I am

Transblucency 44M

8/31/2006 3:01 pm

I read the book of Mormon and my first thought was "how the fuck could anyone really fall for this?"

Sorry, you legions of AdultFriendFinder Mormons, but it's just silly. Even the names were totally unbelievable - kind of what you'd expect someone to make up in an attempt to come up with vaguely biblical-sounding names.

I mean, Moroni. Honestly.

skyking412004 53M
5363 posts
8/30/2006 4:39 pm

_____Now I wish I would have read the book so this would be funnier. You are a genius.

smackyman 45M
3843 posts
8/28/2006 9:22 pm

You're quite mad, you know....

velvetgrrrl 39F

8/28/2006 7:16 pm

That Sam I am that sam I am
He spreads the word like email spam
He shares his views on life and more
He makes me scared to open my door

I fear he will try to convert
He will try to provoke, to spiel, to blurt
I do not like his word here no rhtere
I will not listen anywhere
Oh Sam I am please why won't you see
That your words do not mean anything to me

A terrible attempt at Seussism but he's my hero and I loved this post

Hell is when u should have walked away, but u didn't.

MoutnainGirl 37F

8/28/2006 7:11 pm

That's hysterical! LOL.. great post!

Moutnain Girl

Visit my blog: MoutnainGirl

rm_PurryKitty2 48M/49F
9753 posts
8/28/2006 7:06 pm

Too funny. When I first joined the blogs I wrote about Green Eggs and Ham.

Glad to see you are having fun!

Purry {=}


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