... uh, the straw's still in the polar bears neck  

tipadee 36F
1316 posts
12/16/2005 10:14 am

Last Read:
12/20/2007 5:35 pm

... uh, the straw's still in the polar bears neck

It's Christmas time, nearly my birthday, and with the upcoming tippyka, I should be more excited. But I'm not. At all.

I was really excited about my birthday for a minute there, I guess it's that whole quarter of a century thing, which I find pretty cool, but the lack of attention is what bums me out.

That's how I can up with my great plan. It's a great plan. I want to make sure that EVERYONE knows that it's all about me. Atleast once in a while. I have figured that attention is attention, and whether or not it's wanted, it's wanted. This is what I plan to do.

First there is the outfit. Years ago, my best friend bought me a ugly truckers cap that said 'F*ck off, it's my birthday'. I will wear that. Some see through shirt, could be a strapless black one, although it's probably gonna be the maroon lace one, it's really low cut, and a black bra under. Not too slutty, come on, it's DECEMBER. Depending on the weather, it could be my jean mini skirt or my favorite ass jeans. And my flip flops.

I am gonna make my hair SOO CUTE. It's gotta look good in the mugshots. Lot's of eyeliner and mascara to bring out my eyes, and red lips. I am going to wear all my jewelry, all of it, so when I get into a fight, I will leave marks. That is horrible. I already want to cut a bitch.

SO ... its off to lunch with Grandma. Somewhere with alcohol, because my Grandma is awesome. She always buys me a Bahama mama. It started in the third grade, so we aren't stopping that tradition now. But before I would sip it sweetly, have milk with my meal, and leave half of it. Not this year. I hope on downing atleast five of them, and several shots of tequila. What food? I am having a liquid lunch. Good thing I am driving, Gram can't hold her booze like I can.

Gotta be back home by 2:50pm. That apparently was when I was conceived or something 'magical' like that. Mom will call, and talk about how disappointed she is in one of my 37 sisters, and ask when I am gonna send her pictures. I sent her my children ... why would I send her pictures of them, I don't even have any. Well, there is that one that was used after the fire in the paper to raise money to send the little bastards to Mesico. I think most of them were mine ...

OHH GOODY, Dead beat DAD called. "You need to leave that town, you have a nasty attitude, I wanted to name you Sabrina. Your mother picked your name and I just hate it." Yep. That is usually when I stop listening and open my third beer since the start of the conversation. I accidentally rip the cord out of the wall, and lie on the kitchen floor. Hopefully my cousin will be home soon, I am almost out of vodka. It's getting dark.

I am woken to a kick to the ribs and someone jumping on me. Ahh. The favorite nephew. Maybe he can help me get my hair untangled from the table leg. OF COURSE my sister wants me to baby sit, and I would if I thought that sitting on them would be the end of my duties. Hello!? Can't you see that I am stuck here?? After she finally leaves .. with kids in tow, I realize that she didn't say happy dirthbay. Bitch. I pull the baby's dirty diaper out of the trash and throw it on her windshield. You know it was a good thing my nephew found the scissors, OR I would still be stuck there.

YEAH!! The cousin's home. And she brought vodka. I love this girl and her singed pubes. She may of gave me something for my birfday, but I don't remember .. I was too interested in the skittle in the bottom of the vodka bottle. SHE promised to take me out for my birthday, and she better. Our 'so-called friends' show up. One of them attempts to fix the hair, and I put my pants back on. Good thing the bouncers are 'upidsta', because they let me in without checking my idea, or blood alcohol level. 'Hey tipadee, what's up girl?' ... 'hey bouncer owner manager man, my grandma wanted me to thank you for the fudge, cookies and picture frame, she loved them, and to say hi to your mom.' Either this town is getting too small, or I need to spend more time else where.

Well .. well, these good for nothing "friends" are good for something. Free booze. I love that I am getting fed all I can handle ... and lots I can't ... but uncaring and unsuspecting people. They better slow down, I am gonna get in trouble tonight, and y'all are gonna have to bail me out. There is a polar bear over there, looking at me, pretending that we are friends ... OHH, someone better give me something sharp. Nothing?!? OK. Screw it, there are more then enough straws here. It will leave a small hole in his neck, one that he can plug with his cock.

He didn't bleed THAT MUCH. Shicken shit.

I didn't put up a fight with the cops, I was too tired, and bloody, and covered in vomit. Not my own, I mind you, that fucking polar bear saw the blood and heaved all over me. The should arrest him, THIS is a cute shirt. And jail isn't that bad. I got this really cute tattoo .. and it was free. Just a hand job, and she was really nice. I got out the next day. All charges were dropped. Just so happens that they love me more then the polar bear at the bar!! He was sent off to a zoo in South Dakota.

SO, I think it's looks like a good one is in store for this alcoholic bear hater.

wyldlyfe01 43M/35F

12/20/2005 7:15 pm

ok then.. funny or way to much free time to think up this funny stuff? keep them coming this is better than anything on comedy central.

skyking412004 53M
5363 posts
12/19/2005 1:39 pm

The wise ass (I mean nice man) from Atomic Blog sent me. I'm having a hard time differentiating between fiction and reality. Happy Birthday!

AtomicArtist0 45M
6015 posts
12/18/2005 11:05 pm

tipadee...thanks for the compliments, but babies...there's no need to grovel!...I put on my pants...just like everybody else...one leg at a time. Except...once my pants are on...I produce funny blogs.

I got a fever, babies!...and the only cure...is more blog traffic for you!

craptoast 39M

12/18/2005 4:47 pm

aw fuckin nachos. if i had gotten the cd out saturday (as planned) it would've arrived possibly maybe on your birthday. mustard. what am i going to do?

Become a member to create a blog