What Did Grandma And Grandpa Know That We Don't?  

timberwolf6972 44M
1119 posts
8/8/2006 8:34 pm

Last Read:
8/15/2006 8:34 pm

What Did Grandma And Grandpa Know That We Don't?

I can open a newspaper on any given Sunday and see several announcements for someone's 50th, 60th and sometimes even their 75th wedding anniversary. What secrets about relationships do our grandparents know but we don't?

I can't even tell you of all the failed marriages I've seen that didn't even last a year. I know that sometimes shit happens that can't be resolved and then you have to make other arrangements. With the exception of a few modern problems I think the sames issues that couples face today have amost surely always existed.

Where do we go wrong then? In my opinion it's all in the handling of the problems that arise. Another way we go wrong may be how we view our partners and how we treat them. It appears to me that next to nobody respects the one they are with. If they did then they would not do or say alot of the hateful shit that gets said and done to one another.

Something else I've noticed is that when things get a little hard alot of people just wanna give up and walk away too easily. Walking away to me is the final step to a bad situation, not one of the first. Life is not always easy and neither are relationships. Anything worth having is worth working for, even if it is painful from time to time.

There is also a large communication gap between most men and women. While this may have always kind of been true anyhow I think it's especially bad these days for some reason. People spend too much time talking and not enough time listening. I've always heard that you can learn more with your ears open and your mouth shut and I have no doubt that this is all too true.

Another thing is that people don't seem to wanna compromise on anything. When a problem or whatever issue comes up I feel that partners should sit down like adults and find a liveable solution that both partners can accept and neither one feels that they got the shaft on the deal.

A really big problem that also exists is that too many people feel that they are somehow special and that they deserve special treatment. Everybody is a 'King' or 'Queen' these days. I find this to be just a delusion in someone's head. Why do so many people feel that others should cater to their needs and pamper them constantly? I feel that this makes a person high maintenance, it is a weakness and a liability in my opinion.

This isn't everything that I see wrong with couples today but it's several of the big things that I know of. These things are probably just a reflection of society itself these days. My own grandparents lived to see their 50th anniversary together. I was very proud of them for this fact.

What secrets to making a relationship last do you think that old people have that we don't know about or use today?

rocketman77002 55M
6 posts
8/8/2006 8:48 pm

You are so right! You go gang!

timberwolf6972 replies on 8/12/2006 2:50 am:
Lol, I thought so too.

sexymamma662003 31F

8/8/2006 9:05 pm

the husband knows the wife is boss. that is why there marriages last so long he don't argue with her so it keeps the peace.

I'm telling you the person with the pussy makes the rules.


timberwolf6972 replies on 8/12/2006 2:50 am:
Lol, so If I control your pussy then do I make the rules? {=}

Balibabe19 42F

8/8/2006 9:13 pm

If Mama ain't happy ain't nobody happy...we are flooded with information in regards to rights, resources, shrinks and in their own right they are valuable tools...but we are choking on the information and making irrational decisions as a result...just talk and if it ends up in tears...try again later..if it ends up in screaming match..try again later..You know for yourself if it is that person you want to share your life with.

timberwolf6972 replies on 8/12/2006 2:51 am:
I agree, I hate complicated solutions for simple problems! {=}

rm_goddess1946 106F
13518 posts
8/8/2006 9:15 pm

Something else I've noticed is that when things get a little hard alot of people just wanna give up and walk away too easily. Walking away to me is the final step to a bad situation, not one of the first. Life is not always easy and neither are relationships. Anything worth having is worth working for, even if it is painful from time to time.

All that and then some...there was no internet back then
either or many of the other distractions that make it easy
for people to choose to be elsewhere or do things other than
serve each other open with love...

In the meantime...a request...Goddess would like to know Timber's take on *piercings* {=} [post 459382]

Just a little food for thought.............
If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you...

timberwolf6972 replies on 8/12/2006 2:53 am:
I can kinda see that, people do tend to get distracted at times. I'll go check that one out. {=}

collaredmuff01 52F
1956 posts
8/8/2006 9:22 pm

Our generation is selfish, want things our own way or not at all, that is the biggest problem I see. Today's society is such that everything is a throw away or replaceable. Even people. Our parents and grandparents grew up in a different time with different values and morals. Marriage was for life, taking all the good with the bad. My parents have been married for 48 years and they are by far the best people I know. Life was way harder for them, and still we whine. Everything is at our fingertips today, and yet that still isn't good enough. I personally think our society is going to hell. Drugs,abuse, pedifiles, , murderers, obductions, what do you expect? I was raised in the big city and I ran the alleys with my peeps, never once did I have to worry about who I was around or where I was. I've had to raise my girls to be on guard and fearful, I hate that, but it's necessary. It all just makes me sick.

Muffy da Brat

timberwolf6972 replies on 8/12/2006 2:55 am:
I think that society has gone to shit too and nobody appreciates anything. I had no worries when I grew up but I fear for my kids now cause of the world that they live in. {=}

SuzieQ4U60 61F

8/8/2006 9:40 pm

I think the people of previous generations just hung in there. They didn't give up, no matter what, other than physical abuse.

My grandmother hung in there with my pathetic excuse for a grandfather for years....... she worked and brought home the money, and he'd take it and go buy cigarettes and alcohol. She got pregnant and had my uncle and before she went back for her 6 weeks checkup she was pregnant again. She had a miscarriage, and before her 6 weeks checkup again, she was pregnant with my mom. Doctor told her if she got pregnant again, it would kill her. Then and only then did she kick his sorry ass out. She went for years and was alone raising 2 kids, something that was next to impossible in the 30's for a single woman. Then she met my stepgrandfather, my popoo, and was married to him til he passed away. She never remarried. She told me when my popoo was made, they broke the mold.

People nowadays just have it too easy, with all the divorce lawyers. Its just to freakin easy to 'walk away' and move on with life.


timberwolf6972 replies on 8/12/2006 2:59 am:
Yeah everybody gives up these days. Too many thin skinned people in the world. I can understand grandma's situation though. It sounds like she had it really rough but it finally panned out for her. My other grandma went through a similar thing and raised 3 kids by herself, I have alot of respect for her. {=}

100prcntnocnt 49F

8/8/2006 10:04 pm

Unfortunately, in today's throw-away society, spouse's or significant others are just as disposable as anything else. It seems many people just don't feel they should have to "work at it". Those who realize a relationship takes work often find themselves to be the only one working at it. Those who find a partner willing to work with them are truly fortunate. I think the lowering of morals has a lot to do with it as well (and that's coming from someone who isn't very religious. ) Attitudes on many things have changed a lot since the days of our grandparents, and it's reflected in relationships as well.

timberwolf6972 replies on 8/12/2006 3:03 am:
I agree completely with you. I also think that people are spoilt and inappreciative any more too. They also have no clue what things like honor, pride, self sacrifice and thing like this are either. {=}

rm_annalee79 34M/38F
34 posts
8/9/2006 12:58 am

i think the problems with modern marriages is that it's just to damn easy to get a divorce.... i'm surprised there aren't drive thru quikie divorce places to go along with the quikie wedding places... also, i think alot of people are just getting married to young... i mean, when your 19 years old, you don't even know yourself... your still finding who you are... ask me what i value now at 27 and what i valued at 19 and the answers are a whole lot different.. people in general are lazy... instead of fixing a problem, they just throw in the towel and say fuck it, i don't need this shit... marriage is hard, and it's supposed to be a lifetime commitment which is why you should be sure that you are ready to settle for one person or come to an agreement about sharing... you surprise me constantly, here i thought you were a sex crazed maniac and you totally shock me with a post that has nothing really to do with sex... rock on timber, i'll keep watching your blogs... they rock...

timberwolf6972 replies on 8/12/2006 3:09 am:
Ty sweetie, I think that marriage is serious business and too many enter into it lightly. In my opinion I think it wouldnt be too bad an idea to up the age on it to around 25 since it shouldn't be done by people who have no experience in life and don't know what they are getting into. I know that there are some that will disagree on this with me but oh well it's just my take on the situation. {=}

cuteNEway 41F

8/9/2006 2:16 am

If I had something to compate it to I'd tell ya. My parents are divorced. My maternal grandparents separated after 30 years and divorced after 40. And I myself have had only one serious (if you can call that sham serious) relationship. I do not forsee marriage in my future...I have 3 strikes against me.

I am the wrong person to ask

timberwolf6972 replies on 8/12/2006 3:10 am:
Damn that's sad. Wanna marry me and see how that works out? {=}

heavenlylove105 55F

8/9/2006 5:44 am

Honoring the commitment you made to each other, through the good and the bad, is not an easy thing to do. Not everyone is that strong.

timberwolf6972 replies on 8/12/2006 3:11 am:
You are very right! That's why I think it should require more thought and consideration before getting into. {=}

MoutnainGirl 37F

8/9/2006 6:58 am

What a great post. I truely appreciate this. I can't explain why everyone gets divoreced and why things have changed. Now people don't have to stay committed. There isn't that "looking bad in society" anymore that shames people into staying together. Not too long ago it was still against a lot of religion to get a divorce. Thuis is true today, but not so widely enforced, especially wih the younger generations (like me) who are agnostic and religion isn't a factor.

Anyway.. there is a lot I could say on this matter, but a lot has been said already. Once again.. great post..

Moutnain Girl

Visit my blog: MoutnainGirl

timberwolf6972 replies on 8/12/2006 3:13 am:
Ty sweetie, I'm glad that you like it. Yeah times and people are different and it shows in everything. {=}

BadAssBlonde1 57F
4989 posts
8/9/2006 7:06 am

It is so much easier to just throw your hands up and find a replacement from what I have seen. All of those that serve me, I know Grandma and Grandpa didn't work this way, but anyway they range from 6 years to 27 years. With that being said, a Poly House must have open communication and you do have to make frequent trips back to the drawing board. All in all, it boils down to effective communication. I am the only Queen the resides here. That has nothing to do with ego, it's a fact. The same principles apply here as the "elders" applied; The Commitment to remain and grow together. Good post, TW.

Kindest Regards,
Lady Hunter

After all the sex is gone, there is the mind - Lady Hunter / BAB

Copyright © House of Lady Hunter 1998-2009

timberwolf6972 replies on 8/12/2006 3:16 am:
Ty sweetie, I know that it get's frustrating at times with many household members so I deffinately see your point. So, you rule the roost huh? Does the queen need a king? {=}

want2play926 45F

8/9/2006 7:31 am

I feel that people do give up too easy, are selfish, and divorce is too easy with no shame in it at all.

If you would ask my parents or grandparents about a divorce, they would not deny thinking of getting one at some point in thier relationship, but the shame in it would have been too much. Jut like having a child outside of marriage. Girls were sent away to live with another family member due to the shame in it. Now girls are having babies to hold on to a boyfriend, or because they think it would be fun. Till reality sets in....

That is my take on things plus I totally agree with yours too.

timberwolf6972 replies on 8/12/2006 3:18 am:
Times have deffinately changed and I don't think that we are any better off now. At least in the old days people worked harder at things than they do now. {=}

letstryit4fun38 49F

8/9/2006 7:34 am

It takes two to make a relationship work.


timberwolf6972 replies on 8/12/2006 3:19 am:
I agree, well said! {=}


8/9/2006 8:04 am

The only truly happy and content relationship I ever saw in action were my grandparents. He adored her but he was the "man"! She didn't rule the roost but he did treat her with love, kindness, and respect and till his last breath looked at her as if he couldn't wait till bed time and jumped up to help her with a heavy load, didn't allow anyone to speak in a rough to her or anything else. She was his most valued possession. He didn't call himself a man, nor was a man cause he had a dick, he was a man in word, action and deed! Fuck women's lib. He made her feel good about him and herself and never left her wanting for nothing and they never let the sun set on a disagreement. If I ever find a REAL MAN..that takes pride in not calling himself a man but in really being one...he can possess me. Until then...Imma gonnna be a MOproblem pet


just a squirrel trying to get a nut

timberwolf6972 replies on 8/12/2006 3:21 am:
Awww that's so sweet! It sounds like they had a great relationship. When should I start possesing you? {=}

Lemondrop15484u 54F
4816 posts
8/9/2006 1:37 pm

My grandparents had a unconditional love for each other. It helped that she didn't have to work. They split everything equal, they shared the cooking, cleaning. When they where sick they took care of each other. There wasn't a day that went bye that you didn't see him kiss her, and say I love you. I'm not saying they didn't argue but when they did they talked about it. He was never controling. When you saw them together you new they loved each other...someday I'll find this.

timberwolf6972 replies on 8/12/2006 3:22 am:
That's beautiful! I think others should take notes from their example. I feel sure that you will find happiness one day if you keep trying. {=}

rm_autumngirl61 55F
741 posts
8/9/2006 3:26 pm

Ok, many couples knew their wedding vows, "for better, for worst". Everybody expects the worst, but they wouldn't make it work easily.

In old timers, the couples wouldn't split, no matter what if they weren't happy, committed adultery, or worst. They understood the wedding vows regardless. Few couples I knew since my childhood have their long years of marriages and said the key of the relationship is to love, honor, share, cherish, and faith. That includes the communication part, like you know.

My parents just celebrated their 55th anniversary last June. Of course, everybody asked what their secret was. My mom said it's always love & patience, no matter what. My dad said it's always part of understanding at each other even though he has no patience.

Well, I divorced my ex after 3 1/2 marriage. He has 2 kids and I have one son when we got married. We both had our different house rules involving the kids. He hated when in-laws always agreed with me. He had a huge anger inside him that terrified me enough to open my eyes. I just couldn't go on. I'm disappointed, yeah, but I'm still happy now.

timberwolf6972 replies on 8/12/2006 3:55 am:
I agree with you on everything including the communication thing most of all. People just don't sit down and talk anymore like they should. I'm sorry to hear about your marriage. {=}

silverhawk762 51M/47F

8/9/2006 9:05 pm

I dunno - both of our parents have long-time marriages (mine 38 years, his 51 years) so maybe that's what we were raised to and what expectations were of us when we married. It's been almost 17 years, and yeah, we've had plenty of fights. That's part of living with another human being. No two people are the same, and fights/arguments are normal. It's what happens during and after the argument that leaves a lot to be desired - people no longer know how to argue, they know nothing about communication, and throw in the towel after the first minor spat. Shows a complete lack of self-control.

Maybe that's the big difference - self-control. It's not something you have, it's something you have to learn. When your parents expect you to do something, you tend to do it as a child. Those expectations are the basis for self-control. As an adult, you learn that some of those expectations are still valid in society, but that very few people live up to them because they never knew that they were expected to do or be anything.

When was the last time anyone said, "He's as good as his word" or "A handshake is all we need to seal the deal?" Honesty is (and has been) very quickly falling by the wayside because people expect to be cheated. Honor? How many of you can say that you've actually had to defend your honor? Would you even know what it meant? I wonder...

timberwolf6972 replies on 8/12/2006 3:59 am:
It sounds to me like you two have a very good marriage and it's really stong. I think that is awesome! I gree with you on everything especially theself control, nonesty and honor. To some these things seem like they are outdated concepts but I for one do still believe in them. Excellent comment. {=}

LustyTaurus 48M  
21253 posts
8/9/2006 9:25 pm

    Quoting sexymamma662003:
    the husband knows the wife is boss. that is why there marriages last so long he don't argue with her so it keeps the peace.

    I'm telling you the person with the pussy makes the rules.
Nope..I think it's because women didn't talk back and did what they were told and their goal in life was to make him happy...

Did I say that outloud???...

timberwolf6972 replies on 8/12/2006 3:59 am:
I plead the 5th ammendment!

want2play926 45F

8/10/2006 5:55 am

    Quoting LustyTaurus:
    Nope..I think it's because women didn't talk back and did what they were told and their goal in life was to make him happy...

    Did I say that outloud???...
I have to agree with this too. How does the saying go...."Women knew their place."

Now don't go getting all pissed at me ladies...right or wrong, this is how it was back then. Women didn't have much of an education either, so they really could not support themselves and children if there were any. Now days, women are making more money and the hubbys are staying home with the kids.

My my how the times have changed!

timberwolf6972 replies on 8/12/2006 4:04 am:
I agree with this too! I've seen many roles being reversed these days between men and women. {=}

SingleNLooking72 106F

8/11/2006 8:04 am

    Quoting LustyTaurus:
    Nope..I think it's because women didn't talk back and did what they were told and their goal in life was to make him happy...

    Did I say that outloud???...
OMG Taurus, you did! You sound just like my ex!!! I swear he wasn't like that when I married him. When I married him, he also didn't call me a bitch, whore, or my personal "can I kill him now" look deserving favorite, cunt. Never have liked that word....

Anyway, I don't know what the "secret(s)" are, but I've always loved to hear old couples call each other Momma and Daddy. It just has a sweetness about it that men these days just don't have. If you don't give a woman respect, she may give it to you now, but one of thes days, you're gonna go to sleep. When you wake up sewed into the bedsheets and are being beaten with a broomhandle, don't complain!!! (My ex-in-laws actually know somebody that happened to!!!)

timberwolf6972 replies on 8/12/2006 4:06 am:
Lol, Apparently that system did work cause it lasted for who even knows how long. Do ya think that we should return to it? {=}

SingleNLooking72 106F

8/14/2006 11:08 am

Return to tying men up in the bedsheets and beating the hell out of them when they deserve it? Hell yeah! Bring back the hangings too! Of course, we can't just do it on the spot, but there's gotta be a faster way then we got now.

timberwolf6972 replies on 8/15/2006 8:34 pm:
Damn! That just sounds like foreplay to me! {=}

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