i am strong  

tigger_girl71 45F
88 posts
12/22/2005 2:39 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

i am strong

I need to give you a tad bit of background. I have been married 13 years. In this time, we separated twice due to his inability to give love which led to my needing to seek it out. My mom, with whom I am very close, got deathly (yes, literally) ill this summer and spent 31 days in the hospital. Nineteen of those days were on a ventilator and in a drug induced coma. She is 55. Needless to say, it has been a life-changing experience for me. It made me realize that my parents would not be there forever for me to lean on and that this life was too short to be unhappy and controlled. So, I have chosen to become ME. HE, however, has not found this too enjoyable, so here comes the D word.
Now you have a clue as to why I feel such a compelling need for this outlet.
I spoke to a dear friend today and realized that it is up to me to be strong. Yes, I will be sad and depressed. I will have my good days and my bad days. I may not have the strength to fight, but I have the strength to be silent. I really liked that notion, the idea that silence is so much stronger than words can be sometimes.
I am scared, I am sad, I am confused, I am lonely, BUT I am alsorelieved, expectant and hopeful. Thanks to you that have welcomed me with open arms into this beautiful blogland.

bootielover3 55M

12/22/2005 3:34 pm

Anytime you fell the need to talk drop me a line I'll help any way I can.

Stay strong and remember that their are others that will try to help.

Meery Christmas & Happy New Year (even if it doesn't seem possible)

ticktock500 44M

12/22/2005 4:17 pm

good luck on your journey.

norprin5 55M

12/22/2005 7:56 pm

we'll be here for you when you need us

King Nor XVIII

SmedlySuperGophr 52M

12/22/2005 8:10 pm

When I was going through my own version of hell, I had posted a list of sayings on my fridge. Every morning I read them aloud to remind myself that I was the only one who could control and therefore change my life. There was virtually no one to help me.

Weird, I just tore the house apart looking for that list but, alas, it has disappeared. Probably for the best since you'd have to come up with your own anyway. But two items were very memorable and I think they work for everyone.

1. Don't let the Bastards get to you today!
2. Remember Groundhog Day

To understand #2 you need to watch the movie with Bill Murray in which he is forced to live the same day over and over. Everyday I'd think of a day I'd like to live over again .... at the time I didn't know I could come up with that many good days.

rm_KKarebear 47F
27 posts
12/23/2005 12:11 pm

I can only imagine what that must have been like. Both my parents are alive and well, my heart goes out to you.

Become a member to create a blog