A scare at bedtime....relief at lunchtime......  

thekingofkings70 46M
332 posts
7/21/2006 3:09 pm

Last Read:
8/31/2006 11:41 am

A scare at bedtime....relief at lunchtime......


The shower ran hot hot hot as he wearily stripped off his clothes...leaving them in a pile on the floor and stepped in to the steam and gushing hot water...the stresses and strains of a hard day seeming to instantly ease as the water flowed all over him....penetrating every muscle...its warmth all welcoming....he picked up the shower gel and lathered up.......rubbing,cleansing,relaxing in the midst of the suds and steam...the water never ceasing its relentless flow....neck,arms,chest,legs......and on and on.........until.......he felt it......he shook his head slightly.....tried again...but yes it was there......and this time there was no doubt...he frantically brushed the suds off as best he could...oblivious to the water as it soaked his hair........matting it to his skull......blasting all around him........he shivered...despite the heat......and lent against the shower cubicle wall to steady himself........reached out to switch off the power......the torrent reduced to a trickle......the shower abruptly halted....his other hand confirming it again....he had found a lump on his testicle

In a partial daze he quickly dried....the towel seeming to have a mind of its own....maybe when he was dry it might be different.......all dry as his mother used to say......no it was still there...dammit it was still there

Evening ends with a blur......no tea.....no watching more t.v ...just straight to bed......every 5 minutes...checking......every 5 minutes telling him it was still there......maybe every 5 seconds

The cool of the sheets made no difference ....he was burning up with doubt...fear...FEAR....he knew no fear.......his job dictated that...but it wouldnt go away......the ice cold realisation that his mother died from cancer aged 42 branding itself into this thoughts....what was that about cancer in athe family.......hereidatary......was that it ???....only to be hit with the knowledge he didnt know.....alone with his thoughts....help me please in the back of his mind

No sleep...........patchy......here and there.......getting up on morning........felt like shit......tired........uncertain.....the mornings shower only confirming last nights news...you have a lump it screamed ....seeming to jeer at him as the dammed water flowed...cleaning......but not cleansing...thoughts muddied with hurt......doubt and that fear again.....why now....no visible signs.........why was this happening.......he was young.......WHY ???

Enough presence of mind to go to the family doctor............20 years standing.....thank God he was on.....didnt want to come again.........looked around the waiting room....sick people.....all sizes...shapes...ages....sicknessess......coughing.....crying.....shouting.....they were sick.....he wasnt.....No......denial.....you arent sick with a lump.....and the knowledge he could be....worse than these people....like sheep.....all their noises merging into one......and he was one of them

Name called......looking at receptionist.....thank God........nearly jumping from seat........fuck the paper...ill get another
.......walking into the doctor.......pleasantries...hows your dad....sister.....job.....FUCKING QUESTIONS.....he hated them......he wanted his answered.......why is that lump there.....

Polite smiles as he answers..........not bad....good thanks...sitting down........telling doctor in a surprisingly clear voice what the problem is.........seemingly out of body......doctor nodding.....praise for getting to him so quickly........he didnt want praise...he didnt want a lump.......

Jeans off....jocks off.............lying back......couch cool.........celiing needing to be painted.......off white was never a colour......was it ???...whatever it wasnt nice......fatalistic smile.....as he answered doctors questions......no ...no problem in passing water...no pain...maybe bit tired......job and all that........then in a flash....blood sample taken.........and jeans back on....magic.....or was he that distracted.......he thanked God he had walked to surgery....

Frown on doctors face...?? - thats not good.....appointment made in hospital.........for that day.......NO NO NO......that only happens if you are ill........name of hospital specialist given........calls made...........hey ho...off we go..........thank God for private medicine......doctor assuring him he doesnt think its serious............is that a help...can they lie.........he still had a lump though...still hadnt asked if its hereditary

Taxi to hospital......massive place.......huge....formalities over.......shown room...........sterile......white...fone.....passing trolleys......sick people.....why was he with sick people ??? - no time to answer...heres another doctor..............again jeans on floor.....were they magic ...they had cost enough he thought........more probing........touching........more staring at a ceiling......fear...that was what the colour of the ceiling was.......like the whole room.....he wished he was at work....now.....career over.....would he ever work again.....doctor leaves...hes still there........jeans back on......shaky........hello doctors back.......test has gone to lab....blood sample to haemotology...........what......??? thought they were a band.......results when......soon......quick these days......must be mary harneys doing.....wish she'd do something about ceilings though.......do I have cancer he asks........thats what test will show......he doesnt know......its a lump......he knows that......wonders why doctor isnt magic...like jeans...hes only human.....

Were next days a blur.......??? - not sure .....he went to work......couldnt tell anyone though........not ashamed...scared......he didnt trust easily.....fear isnt an emotion he was used to.....were they looking at him.......did they know........had they written his obituary.......dress funeral ??? - had he made a will........or was it...WILL I die.....NO.NO.NO

Phone rings.....like the second coming......test results ready.......so quickly ??? - damm mary harney and her fast health service.......wishes they could tell him over phone.....no ....damm harney and her SECRET health service....wishes he could cancel it......NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ...not allowed...fucking mary harney and her hitler health service....

Back again......sick people around.......no portrait of mary harney to fuck darts at.....dammed spoilsport...........another room....must be were they tell you,you are dying...no no no.......buried in a Liverpool Jersy...thats all he wanted......family.....??...of course.....but not HIS family.....alone???.....him...never

All emotions......fear...anger.....amusement....big funeral...better be.....all in black too.....who'll get his pension......dad...hes well off enough already.......no one else.......sister would spend it on make up...lonely......?? too late now to answer that...doctor has arrived.....all business like.....words......big ones......medical.....dammed harney and her doctors.....in english please..........what ??? - nooooooooo I dont have cancer....a harmless growth of tissue and fat which has solidified....what...one in 55 get it ??? and im that one......always knew I was unique....up yours harney....easy to get rid of.....laser......local anaesthetic.......no time off work...good.......im not dying his mind screamed....relief......at lunchtime......

Shakes hands with doctor...he smiles at him.....praised too.......hes in good shape hes told.....lean and mean......great body fat index...whatever......fit and healthy.......weight good........for height......ticking over well.....good bye and thank you....

At home he smiled........but realised how short life really is......who knew him...really knew him.......was he hard with people.....could he be more relaxed...even with his job.........second chance...??? - all emotions......let them settle down.........the future is still there........all the emotions of the past.........telling him...he was ok...OK OK OK.......tears......maybe....nah......he didnt show emotion....tried not to.....weakness....no....didnt want people to think less of him.....happens when you've done well.....you think you are untouchable.......and thats good enough for everyone else.....emotion...no...never...weakness...yes it is.....strength is to realise it.....only human...nothing special...just the same as us all

That night I realised how lucky I had been......I thanked God I hadnt got cancer......I realised how important it is to check.........prevention is better than cure.....

I realised I still had my dream job...a fireman.....I realised I had my family...friends.....women...(yes...I do...)and my health....the greatest wealth of all....

I realised a scare at bedtime is a sign....mortality ??? - maybe......a sign to always check ......check your lumps and bumps....definitely.....

So Ladies and Gents.......check check check.....wobbly bits....wet bits....dry bits.....all bits.......and hopefully you wont have the scare at bedime I did.......

I was lucky...very lucky......im safe...very healthy Thank God....and happy ......still a fireman.....still me

Still the king of kings.......but a relieved one

Sulabula 45F
12658 posts
7/21/2006 3:32 pm

Glad to hear everything worked out...it's so important to get checked..and be checked regularly

Sula xxx

come visit my blog


Bestblonde4U2 62F
1 post
7/22/2006 1:53 am

Hey babe you are hot. I just wanted to share a poem that I wrote and you might like it:-
If I cried a thousand tears - yet the river would not overflow
If I lived 100 years - yet I would not have lived
If I walked 1000 highways - yet nothing have I seen
If I met 1,000,000 people - who would they be
If I flew to 100 countries - what would excite me
If I opened 1,000 doors - would one be yours
Glad to hear, have been in those dark places, they are a time of
appreciation of the life we have to live. Read some of my Blogs Im sure you will enjoy them. Keep Well. BlondieEuro XXX


marathonman45202 53M
6640 posts
7/22/2006 9:44 am

Takes me back 30 years - 13 years old and had to have lumps checked and removed. All worked out for the best. I know your relief, man!


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