Why I wonder  

teaser2009 34F
149 posts
9/5/2006 12:51 am

Last Read:
9/8/2006 9:36 am

Why I wonder


I get emails from people and I think to myself "i'm soooo not their type". Why do I short change myself and think that just becuase someone has a nice body and is attractive to me, that they aren't going to be attracted to me too? I think I just assume that if they send an email or whatever, it's just a joke and they'll be like "haha!! got the fat girl!!" Where does this lack of self-confidence come from??

Could it come from the fact i've let assholes in the past tell me that i'm not pretty, smart, good etc enough? I have let men dictate how I feel about myself, instead of letting me dictate my self image.

I wish I could change this. I wish I wouldn't automatically assume someone was lying when they said to me that they think i'm pretty/sexy and would like to get to know me. Maybe they can see past the outside, to the inside of me, and get to actually know me. I doubt it, but there is the low self-esteem again.

I had a doctor from southern Illinois send me an email on a different site. He's cute, i've seen his pictures....and one of the first things I said to him after seeing his pictures was "are you sure i'm the kind of girl you want to be talking to??" I don't think i ever got a response from that, but we have kept talking and who knows....the idea of someone who can hear my gross stories and has some of their own is a big turn on to me. More so, the fact that it could be someone who could challenge me and not let me get away with being lazy about details to things, and could probably teach me a thing or two (or 12...haha).

I wish i was one of those women who assume all men want her, but that isn't the case. I always always always, fall into the friend category. "Nikki, you're so much fun to hang out with, want to be friends?" Um, yeah not so much. Wanting someone to be intimate with on a physical and mental level isn't really asking that much, but for someone like me, apparently it is

And no damnit, this isn't a depressing blog. This is the truth. Any men out there have any idea why I do this? It's really bad if it's guys around my age. Oh my god, i seriously think that they are fucking with my head, not good.

Ok, i have class in 5 hours, i need sleep....any info on this would be great though!!!

night night kids!


rm_pa1man2 58M

9/5/2006 4:16 am

after so long you beleave what others tell you. the thing here is that they are tell you because they want to use you. the real you is from the heart not what they see on the out side. because most of the ones that have the looks think so highly of themself and care about no one but themselfs. you have a lot going for you. you should be proud of your self. you would make a very true and lasting friend. this is where you will find the person you long for. because the friendship will grew. find a true friend and they will care about you as they care about themselfs. take care


rm_niceguystl80 36M
2 posts
9/7/2006 4:28 am

It could have come from the assholes who told you that u r not pretty, smart, good etc enough? But are they? No handsome, smart and good person ever say that. So damn with assholes and getover it.

I feel u r expressive, know what u want and willing to learn. These prove that u have good personality. Keep fishing, i hope u find the right one.


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