This is a journal of my adventures. I try to be honest and open. Come and read, enjoy and post. (Yep, I'm a comment whore) No topic is off limits, no issue is beyond comment..
Aug 1, 2008 6:05 am Mood: contemplative, 354 Views
Nope, it's not. I do have a couple of 'things' rolling around in my head besides sex but hey, this IS a sex site after all right?
I heard an interesting statistic this morning. It seems that the divorce rate is dropping nationwide. The cause? People can't afford to get divorced! Now THINK about that! LOL
Besides that, folks are now having language written into their divorce decrees that reduces the amount of alimony and child care in the case of one of the ex-spouses losing their jobs.
What a world we live in eh?
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I got to thinking a bit last night about what men are REALLY looking for in a woman and I came back to a previous post of mine where I tackled this subject and after some 'deep thought' I realized that I was pretty much right on the money.
Men enter into relationships with women for many reasons sure but one of the TOP reasons is affirmation. Yes, affirmation.
This manifests itself in SO many ways in a mans life from boyhood on AND it not only involves a mans relationship with women, but also with other men.
Men are afraid that they are not’t cutting it in life -- not just at work, but at home, in their role as a husband, boyfriends, lovers. They may never vocalize this, but inwardly, they are secretly vulnerable. The antidote? Affirmation. To men, affirmation from their wives, partners or girlfriends is everything! If they don’t receive this affirmation they’ll seek it elsewhere. When they receive regular and genuine affirmation (not flattery, by the way), they become much more secure and confident in all areas of their lives.
Some men find affirmation by making tons of money some by driving big, expensive or fast cars, others are still seeking it and never quite find it. Other guys find it by marrying a 'trophy' wife, other still by being sports 'heroes'.. All of us guys need it.
There IS an ego component to this but that ego 'thing' is NOT as big an influence as most women think.
Now of course, I'm talking in generalities here and all men are a bit different but if you take a SERIOUS look at us, you'll see that need for affirmation. It's there gals.
Another big component for men in regards to a relationship is this: men would rather feel unloved than inadequate and disrespected.
Husbands, lovers and partners need to know that their significant others respect them both privately and publicly. Men thrive when they know that their partners trust them, admire them and believe in them. Research I've seen indicates that men would rather sense the loss of loving feelings from their partners than to be disrespected by them.
There is more but these two items, affirmation and respect are HUGE. These are two of the top things men are looking for in a relationship.
Surprised?? And you thought it was more blowjobs eh?
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Keeping my previous topic in mind, I wanted to share a couple of other more personal thoughts with you all.
I know that I NEED affirmation and I know why. My father died when I was very very young, three months old. I never knew the man and basically grew up without a father. I did have a step-father who was, to put it nicely, a rat-bastard. He was never my father and in a lot of aspects he really was the anti-father if you will.
The fact that I never had a real father has always weighed heavily on me. To this day, 50+ years later, there is still a HUGE gaping hole in my soul that anyone who knows me well enough can see easily.
A great portion of my life has been spent trying to fill that hole in both good and bad ways. None of it ever really worked. Its still there however over the years I HAVE gotten much better at both hiding it and coming to grips with it.
A lot of my OWN need for affirmation comes directly from these experiences, both the death of my father AND from living with the anti-father for 20 years.
My wife always tells me that no matter what, there comes a point in your life when the past is the past and you have to move on, grow up and get past it. I know she's right and lord only KNOWS how much she speaks from experience having had both of her parents die at relatively young ages which basically left her on her own and alone. I value her advice on these matters very much since I know a) she's been there done that and b) she loves me and truly cares about how I feel.
Because of the anti-father, I basically found myself on my own, by choice mind you, at a VERY young age basically because I took advantage of every opportunity to get physically away from him and the entire 'home' situation.
The situation caused this 9-10 year old boy to grow up VERY fast and basically learn that I had NO ONE to rely on but myself.
But there was STILL that need for affirmation and in my case, that need was probably even greater since I didn't get it from the normal sources.
I searched for affirmation for so long and in so many places and so many ways, both good and bad. I tried to get it from so many different people, using them at times, sucking them dry if you will, but it was NEVER enough.
A number of years ago, I was finally able to realize that the affirmation I was REALLY looking for was within myself, I needed to come to peace and literally forgive myself for not believing and loving ME. THAT was the start for me at least, to filling that hole I had in my soul.
I recount all of this to show you just how POWERFUL a force the need for affirmation is in a guys life.
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Ok, got that off my chest. It's FRIDAY wooo wooo and I'm planning on having about 2 gallons of margaritas after work tongith, kicking back and watching the tomatoes grow in my garden.
